BULLSHIT Bbj, Dan hating YOU is the last thing to worry about. He doesnt hate you. He is taking out his issues on you. He is USING that to convince you and himself why he is unable to make things work. Why he is unwilling.
stbxH did the same things 3 years in the middle of his affair. Shouting "I cant take this anymore" and yelling at my D who was then 3,5. I thought it was work, his mom's death, mental issues etc etc You know now, as I do too what it was.
Dont buy that dramatic stuff. He is f@cked up in the head and he is a poor sample of a man and father but he certainly knows who and what is wrong with the picture better than you do.
Dont wait for him to "talk details" with you. Enough Bbj. K
I agree with Kalni....
Dan's a drama queen..dan's gonna do what dan does because he can get by with it...Dan's also gonna use every trick in the Divorce Playbook to manipulate the situation.....
He doesn't hate you; he hates himself. He is destroying every good thing in his life, and it seems that is his only chance of ever learning anything.
Better off without THIS flavor of Dan.
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I agree with Mike, I wouldn't let him dictate what is going to happen. This is tough stuff, believe me I went through 3 years of hell and came out the other side, so I know. Get your ducks in a row, be prepared and take care of you and the kids. If he wants his family back he has a lot of changes he would have to make and counseling is just one of the things he would need to do. He needs to learn how to take responsibility for his own actions.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
He doesn't hate you; he hates himself. He is destroying every good thing in his life, and it seems that is his only chance of ever learning anything.
Better off without THIS flavor of Dan.
I truly believe this is the case. He hates himself so much but cannot accept that so instead, he decides he hates me. He texted me that I am the common denominator in all of his years of being unhappy. This was a response to me b/c I responded to the first text then stopped responding, even though he has sent more...
I had texted him that he has been unhappy for years and hates his entire life, job, etc. that he is the common denominator and only he can choose to be happy.
So anyway he sent back that"Since unhappiness started you are the common denominator I give you 100 percent and when I need you you sh!t on me That's the f@cking problem"
As I mentioned, I did not respond. Of course the 'when I need you' part refers to the farm issue....I can see where he thought he was giving me 100% up to a certain point in our marriage, but once he had an affair and moved out, that is hardly 100%. And he can't see that my still being here at all, 2 years into this bs, is me being here for him. I would be here when he needed me if he ever let himself need me and admitted he had a problem.
Mike, I know I would have the upper hand if I filed. I am dreading the whole divorce process. More of a chance for him to play the victim, because I am sure he will spin it that I am a heartless bitch who is taking him to the cleaners, keeping him from living his dreams by draining him of money, etc etc....
I don't want to get down in the mud with him and make threats about the lawyers, the settlement, etc etc. But I will not roll over, either. My attorney will be using the forensic accountant to sort out what is up with the farm business, what is on his credit card he supposedly uses for work, etc etc. And i have been keeping track of just how much time he does(n't) spend with his kids, so 50/50 for settlement purposes is out of the question. I would have loved him to have 50/50 b/c the kids want him, but he told me and has shown me that he doesn't have the time for 50/50...
His texts remind me of the demon in The Exorcist...just spew. Splattering pea-soup vomit everywhere.
It doesn't matter how he paints you to others; people who know you both will know the truth. YOU...your kids...you know the truth.
Let him spin in his misery...because I have a hunch that once BBJ is out of the picture, his life will still be crap. Then what happens to that common denominator theory?
I think aliens all have secret crack pipes...
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
His texts remind me of the demon in The Exorcist...just spew. Splattering pea-soup vomit everywhere.
It doesn't matter how he paints you to others; people who know you both will know the truth. YOU...your kids...you know the truth.
[b]Let him spin in his misery...because I have a hunch that once BBJ is out of the picture, his life will still be crap. Then what happens to that common denominator theory?[/b] I think aliens all have secret crack pipes...
SD
SD--
Then his life will suck b/c he WASTED 17 years with me...that's why he isn't a vet or a grad school professor. And because he had to pay for the divorce, he won't have money for cattle/farm/life dream. THAT will also be my fault. I haven't imagined a rock-bottom yet where he wouldn't find a way to blame me....sad.
You really need to stop listening to him. He is one of the most hateful people I have ever almost encountered. He hates women, and he hates children. He can't stand to be alone with them, that's why he is spending today yelling at you from a distance. Stop taking it. He is an abuser, and you are an abused woman.
Bbj, eventually everybody gets what they deserve. TRUST me on this. What does it matter what he will use to ease his f@ckd up brain? Stop thinking over things you cant control. My stbxH spent months of accusing me to the point my own parents were doubting me. My friends were telling me I was a bitch. You know the story. It took 3,5 years but we all know now why I had become a bitch all of the sudden. He doenst even defend himself when I refer to that time.
Let him go. In your heart and mind. I am sorry sis, we both made a realy poor choice in our lives. We dont have to waste the rest of it over them. As Sara says and I know, there are some really good men out there that will be happy to be our men. K
I would say the same things even if my stbxH wasnt as bad as he is. I actually thought Dan was the even worse scenario...
