OMG BBJ!!! I was swamped at work (both) and totally missed all of this!
I'm so sorry Dan is pulling more of the same. YOU are not the problem and you know that. Dan is SERIOUSLY messed up in the head and will continually blame whoever is closest to him in his life for his own misery. It's time to use your head instead of your heart.
The heart is an interesting muscle isn't it? It swells with love and shrivels with indifference. It pumps faster when we are happy and pumps EVEN FASTER when we are upset. I would imagine yours is at warp speed right now. I'm so sorry.
I'm going to join Mike, John and K and say that YOU NEED TO FILE FIRST! Dan will continue to fiddle fart around with you for years if you let him. He has no intention of being a man and making a real decision for himself. He knows that the D will financially screw him but this is exactly what has to happen now.
I'm not saying that Dan is unredeemable BBJ, but I am saying that there is too much work that Dan needs to do for himself but is unwilling to do. Dan may grow up when he no longer has you involved in his daily life and realizes just how miserable he still is. He may continue to blame you, that is true, but you won't have to be subject to his hatred.
He has abused you in some of the worst ways BBJ. Although physical abuse is horrific, in some ways the metal abuse is even worse. It tears away at your psyche and causes you to doubt everything you once thought was true about yourself. I understand the pain and confusion all too well and hope you know that I am here for you and praying for you and your beautiful children.
((((((((((((((BBJ)))))))))))))))))
Sorry this has been rambling. I just keep thinking in circles because I'm so upset for you.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Details? You are still playing chicken and hoping he'll get an epiphany as reality closes in. He may, BBJ, but it's the rope you need to drop.
I admire so much about you. Your organization skills are amazing! But sugar, you've "detailed" him to death. All that's left is the one thing Dan left himself to deal with: papers, with details in YOUR best interest, served cold.
If I'm out of line, forgive me. He just doesn't deserve you. Not this man with a death grip on past failures who rejects any and all solutions.
Good luck at the meeting with your boss, I'm sure he'll be delighted with your spirit and work ethic.
And the more I hear about how Dan hates women, the more fearful I get for BBJ. These things never turn out well when you are dealing with a man like that. And you can't fix what is wrong with him.
And the more I hear about how Dan hates women, the more fearful I get for BBJ. These things never turn out well when you are dealing with a man like that. And you can't fix what is wrong with him.
fwiw ...i strongly agree w/ ya kimmie.
BBJ,
I returned to a personalized prayer that I posted on here a few weeks back for Dan to be awakened to the terrible harm that he is inflicting upon his family and to repent from his ways and take the stand as father and H that he is capable of. Very powerful . I will continue with it.
You know where you are to turn for your strength and wisdom and guidance. Your blessings will be manyfold. Be proud of all that you have accomplished. You are bringing glory and honor to yur Father and providing a valuable lesson to those adorable kids.
Dan called twice this evening...need to stop answering the phone.
Mind you he told me on Tuesday "I do not have the patience I would need to deal with you anymore" and "the anger and resentment and disappointment and hate that continues to build in me for you spills into my time with them (kids) and I won't let it happen anymore"
So WTF?
Nathan had a dentist appt today and wound up getting two silver caps/lots of shots/nitrous oxide, so I thought he may have been calling about that. Nope
Call 1: I am at (Party Supply Store) getting things for Nathan's party [with dan's family, I am NOT going], do you need anything?
I said No, I have everything for my party. He started to get all friend-y and chatty talking about how he looked forever for gray food coloring then remembered you just thin the black with icing (duh), etc etc
I interrupted and said we were going to karate and I had to go. He started to ask about the dentist and I said sorry, gotta go and hung up.
Call #2 at 8:30 tonight (thought he was calling to say goodnight to kids--he didn't ask to talk to them at all): Have you seen our black folding camp chairs?
He is taking the kids camping this weekend and celebrating Nathan's bday with his family. His mom asked me to go and I said no. It will be the first 'family' event I have missed since Nathan was born 7 years ago.
I told him chairs were in the garage. He asked about Nathan's dentist, I gave him very brief run-down. Then he started chatting about their plans and I said I needed to go put kids to bed.
He asked about meeting up Sunday night (the 'go over details' thing). I told him to just email me whatever he had on his mind and I could email a reply. He repeated that we could get together Sunday evening. I said there was no need to get together, just email me. He again said "We can just talk Sunday night"
Wtf. I am so glad we are finishing this up.
What sort of weirdo basically says he hates you and cannot be around you and then wants to get together?
I think the sort you are thinking of is the sort that like to have their cake and eat it too.
Keep doing what you are doing. Stick to the facts. Don't waver. He is looking for attention from you adn he has ALWAYs gotten it in the past. Once he starts realising that he has to work and commit to the r'ship in order to get and keep your attention, he _may_ start acting differently. You have to be consistent though. i know it's hard, I am not doing well myself, but as we all know, it's so easy to see things clearly as long as it's not your own sitch.
*sigh*
Bloody cake eaters....
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
