I told him maybe Friday if I can get the kids covered. He has 2 little ones that live with him, so he knows how it is. I am always surprised when the dad has primary custody but after meeting all the great guys on here I shouldn't be!
I will start working on a babysitter...my parents are watching them tonight while Dan and I talk, if we actually talk...Then they (my parents) are going out with me for my bday tomorrow, and babysitting the kids Tuesday while I go to school meetings all day. So they are pretty used up. I will try and find a real person babysitter, not my parents! I am going to need a good babysitter...
Dan texted me a couple times today and I didn't reply as they weren't questions. Comments like 'going fishing' and 'on the road headed your way'.
Then he sends 'Did you still want to talk tonight'
Um, let me see, weren't YOU the one who was tired of dealing with me and wanted to talk details THIS week? Geez
So I replied back that yes I was planning on it and had set up my parents to watch the kids.
He got here and I was in a really good mood all nice and upbeat and everything fine. He was asking me where I wanted the camping stuff unloaded, in the garage or down to the storage unit.
I told him to keep whichever parts were his and put them in the storage unit and leave the rest with me. Said that there wasn't anything of mine left in the storage unit so he should use it for storing his stuff.
What he doesn't know is I took 3 more big boxes of his clothes that I forgot were hanging down in the basement, over to the unit the other day. Surprise when he gets there!
Anyway I was making dinner, he wanted to show me the rest of the cake he had made. Asked me what I thought of it, told me to taste it, see if I liked it, etc.
I don't know why but then he started backing down from talking tonight. I was showing him Nathan's dental forms, he just went and got caps and they gave us papers re. what else they need to do with his teeth. I mentioned that we start up school this week and I will go ahead and get signed up on my own insurance. He said, "That isn't necessary at this point there is no hurry". Oh really? I just said, "I waited two years, now I am ready to take care of things".
Then he went out on the deck and started talking to me about how nice my lawn looked, the grass looked good, talking about my new landscaping,etc. I followed him out b/c the kids weren't out there. I told him that we probably didn't need to talk details, just have his lawyer write up his ideas and give them to me and I will take them to my lawyer, I wasn't going to sign anything until I talked to mine anyway. He got all uncomfortable, said he knew I wouldn't, etc. Then I just said that when he served me I preferred to be served at home not at my job. He said he wouldn't do that anyway and acted like somehow I was pressuring him...by that I mean he kind of gestured with his hands like 'stop talking about that'
He got all weird and then he said he was really tired, the kids were tired from the camping weekend, they didn't really need to go to my parents', tonight wasn't a good night to figure things out.
Aaargh. So I had to call my dad and cancel when he was eager to have the kids. Plus I didn't send Nathan to karate b/c I thought we were going to be meeting during that time, so he missed another lesson for nothing.
This is an easy one, BBJ. He is a multiple personality person. There's the Dan that hates you and the Dan that doesn't want a divorce. The problem is, you can't tell which one you are talking to at any given time. Perhaps you could give his other personality a name.
How 'bout Dick? No, that wasn't nice. I take that back....I will come up with something.
Hahahahaha! Being nice is overrated, and it has little to do with being truthful. I have learned never to feel bad about being truthful, though if I think someone can't handle it, I just keep it to myself...unless they ask.
Let go of nice, and focus on truth. Even Jesus wasn't always "nice," but He was always truthful.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I tried to go back and delete my nickname suggestion, but you are right unfortunately it is fitting a lot of the time. But still, not real considerate. (Again, I KNOW, he isn't, either!)
When I was a little girl, my mother said there were 2 Sara's: the good Sara and the bad Sara. Good Sara could stay in the house and do whatever; bad Sara was locked out of the house until the good Sara returned. I remember spending quite a bit of time locked out of the house, amusing myself in the backyard.
You need to tell Dan that you will no longer talk to the bad Dan (or Dick). If bad Dan calls, you will hang up immediately and not take any more calls until the good Dan returns. If bad Dan needs to call someone, he can call your attorney and pay $X.00 per hour for the privilege of talking to someone. But you are not putting up with bad Dan anymore.
I really hesitate to respond to you because I see you using religion as a crutch to justify his manipulative behavior. But, having put up with manipulation for 13 years I will set it aside. He is manipulating you, like he has for years, and will for years if you let him.
I'm guessing he has set you up to live in his reality. When you stray from his reality he knows how to pull you back into his reality. Once you are in his reality, it sets you into a panic. Know that his reality is false and in the real world it makes no sense to others. For further info see Patricia Evan's book, "Controlling People."
I could go on with my history, but it really means nothing. I just have one long comments. My BF's mom told me when I became engaged, "Do you like his parents? Because who he is today has nothing to do with who he becomes. He will become his parents."
She was right. My husband was a fun loving, open-minded, great guy when I met him. Today, he is his parents -- an angry, bitter, martyr. And if you ask him who is to blame for his change -- it's me. When I ask him to go consult our past two marriage counselors, that he picked, for opinions about who's to blame for his happiness he says, "They will only side with you because you lied to them." I say, "No, they formed their opinion on our behavior and our words. You blew it the first time. So we tried again with a second person. And you called it quits because she was starting to calling you out." In truth both marriage counselors told me, "He's broken and unless he goes for individual counseling, he'll keep blaming you and stay broken." It is what it is.
My H knows he has demons and he knows he doesn't want to face them. For years, I made it easy for him to blame me. I made it easy for him to pull me into his crazed reality. But I now have -- call it what you like -- my GAL, detachment, real world so he can't put me into a panic anymore. And for the first time he's beginning to see that I'm not interested in fixing him any more. He also is figuring out that his clock is winding down. So faced with these facts, will he act after 13 years? I doubt it.
Let the religion go. Make a life. Show your children what a healthy marriage is. Do it for your children. You have no loyalty to a mistake -- really!
