Give it to me straight!

[BobbiJo]

Nice, Kerry.

Well I had my phone off at work today, turned out Dan had called twice and texted me "Happy Birthday". Shortly after I turned it back on he called me. He knew I had to work and offered to go get the kids for me at day care and meet me back at the house.

I asked if he had the day off and he said, "Technically, no...but I left work and am headed to town anyway." So I said fine.

He came with the kids and they had a big gift bag for me and a card. So he must have picked them up to sign the card I assume.

He got me a tree!?! He knows I just did all that landscaping and he had suggested a tree in the corner of the yard where one died right as we were moving in. I said I was going to order one with my landscaping, then I didn't. So, he did. He gave me the tag that id'd the tree and a stake/flag. I am supposed to flag where I want them to put the tree and they will come and do it for me.

The card was a religious one about how God made the sun and we knew light, etc etc until it said God made mothers and we know love. Then it said thanks for being an example of God's love to your kids or something to that effect. He and the kids all signed it.

So hey at least I got a gift and a card from the kids. I figured I would not be getting anything from them and I was ok with that, so it was a bonus.

I wanted to say, if you want to give me a present just level with me and tell me why you backed out on our talk. But I didn't say anything...just thanked him for the gift.

[Tomato]

Happy Birthday BobbiJo.

Dont forget to update the age in your DB signature line.

Match.com will update your age automatically.

Once upon a time, a date was just a date. Not a lifetime commitment! It seems like in the US more and more a date is either a hookup/booty call or the first step to a serious relationship. I don't want either. I just want the fun of hanging out for a couple of hours with someone who makes you laugh and smile instead of fume or cry...

I'm meeting a new lady this weekend myself. She is really nervous and I told her to just not think of it as a date, but more as an introduction.

The buffet line takes time to go through. Dont just fill your plate with one big steak. Variety is the spice of life. Dont let the steak know that you are also trying out the pork chops, fried chicken and mashed potatos.

Kerry

You are talking on the subject of dating as a divorced man (not trying to pick on ya) but BBJ is not divorced aside from her heart. Regardless of how Dan has treated their covenant of M, she is a M'd woman.

BBJ,

Your first M is and always will be to Jesus and your second one is to Dan. Love both with all your heart. Jesus will always be receptive to that love. And as you know He loves you back 100-fold.

T

[john210]

Hey T,
Kerry has been following BBJ for a while and I am certain he meant no disrespect. I am also certain that BBJ is able to take all this with a grain of salt.
I think we all want what is best for BBJ and we all have our own ideas and or opinions.
I notice you refer to religion quite a bit. I was raised a roman catholic and I know all about turning the other cheek. However, we are no longer talking about cheeks here.

"Neither shall you commit adultery."

"Neither shall you bear false witness against your neighbor."

"Neither shall you covet your neighbor's wife."

Please remember that this type of behaviour has gone on for several years. I have a hunch that the big boss upstairs may give BBJ the ok to go have a couple of drinks on Friday night.

[BobbiJo]

Not sure about the Big Boss, but my pastor gave me the go-ahead to file back in early May. I just have been to afraid to do it.

Met with the Pastor again 2 or 3 weeks ago, after Dan said he was going to see a lawyer. Pastor re-iterated that Dan left the marriage when he committed adultery for the third time, this time for at least 18 months...Dan left the marriage when he moved out the second time...Dan left the marriage every time he chose to go spend money on the strippers instead of giving his attention and time to me...

You get the idea. Basically my Pastor said he hoped that things could be restored, that it would make a great testimony to God if we could ultimately become a couple again. But he also said that Dan has done nothing resembling repentance at this point and as long as he chooses to live in his sin, if you will, he will just slide farther down the depths so to speak.

So I don't know, I am not that concerned about going out for drinks once. Who knows I may get there and he may be annoying as could be. Or he could give off 'friend' vibes and become a nice person to vent about life with given his ex cheated and lied, like Dan has... I know that I won't be sleeping with anybody that just isn't my style. I just want to have a nice time with a man who enjoys being with me rather than treating it like a challenge to overcome...

[Kalni]

Well, my "monk" who I believe has a "direct communication line" with above, was pretty harsh to me. "Your M is done my dear, church and God do not consider this a M, get the technicalities done". Maybe Christian Orthodox monks (not priest) are expressing themselves more ...openly?
K

[smith18]

You are talking on the subject of dating as a divorced man (not trying to pick on ya) but BBJ is not divorced aside from her heart. Regardless of how Dan has treated their covenant of M, she is a M'd woman.

Actually, she is only married on paper.

I and others here went out on dates while still married and going through the divorce process.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong for BobbiJo to be out meeting some other guys (with no expectations) as long as she is accepting that her marriage is over.

[mishka422]

I fully agree with Kerry. Going out with someone who is well aware of your M status is not wrong. Taking that R to another level though would be wrong, of course. BBJ knows herself well though and IMO is strong enough to maintain her boundaries now.

BBJ, I'm glad to see that Dan at least thought to make sure you got a present from your children for your birthday. That is pretty rare. My xh couldn't be bothered to make sure our son even said happy birthday or happy mother's day this year. It truly is a gift that he gave you - the diligence to make sure that your children acknowledge you as the great mother you are!!!

Have a great day!

[john210]

I often wonder what is right and wrong with this dating when youa re still married etc.... In this case, what would be wrong with BBJ taking it to another level (maybe not Friday but eventually). Not that I am advocating this of course! I just wonder sometimes .... I just have difficulty saying the word wrong when speaking about BBJ.....not after all the WRONGS that she has endured. I am sorry......

[BobbiJo]

Well, right or wrong, it's going to be another week...

MG (Match guy) emailed me today. I had told him I had a benefit on Saturday, but I was available Friday. He has already made plans to go to a football draft thing on Friday, so no such luck. He said he would be done by 10 on Friday if that wasn't too late for me....but I don't think a first meeting should start at 10. Sure if you have been seeing someone for awhile, you might get together whenever it worked. But I don't think I want to do that for the first meeting.

I am not doing this for Dan's reaction, I promise you that. If I were I would have done it months ago and put it in his face. I just want some fun times with someone of the opposite sex.

However we are going to set our September schedule tomorrow night FINALLY! I want to be more assertive in him taking some weekend nights more often. I thought I might just tell him that I was ready to get out there and have fun and leave it at that. I know I don't have to say anything, as their dad he should be with them more often anyway...

[mishka422]

No need to mention that you want to get out there and have fun. Just do it. If you put the idea in his head that is why you want him to have the kids those nights, he will come up with excuse after excuse why he can't in order to sabotage you. It seems to be the way his twisted little mind works. Again, JMO, but a strong feeling.

John, I'm not saying it's wrong either. I'm saying it would be wrong for BBJ. Why? Because of her strong beliefs. She knows what her moral limits are and I'm fairly certain that would be one of them. Until the ink is dry on the D papers, it's just not the right thing to do to get too involved with another man. Coffee, drinks, dancing, dinner, movies....all good. Sex....not so much. Kissing, flirting, banter....all good. Letting it get much beyond that until the D is final....not good. I think it would lead BBJ to having some regrets based on her own moral compass...that's all.

Now, I'm not saying that anyone who does engage in sex with someone else during their D process is immoral. Don't get me wrong! I'm only saying that for BBJ it wouldn't fit her values. She's strong! A real trooper and deserves fun and happiness! For heavens sakes! She's dealt with Dan's crap for so danged long that she should have a choir behind her singing her praises to anyone who will listen!!!!

LOVE YOU BBJ!!!!!!!!!