Going on the offensive, calling my attorney. Enough is enough.
Walked out to car this morning. Dan parked in the drive so I was parked on the street. Walking across drive I found folded up papers. Picked them up figuring they were Dan's notes from last night when we did calendar. Nope. It was the directions for a "Don Wand" glass item...let's just say not something straight men would use on themselves and leave it at that.
Mentioned it to him in passing and he said he had no clue how it got on my driveway (where he was parked until midnight) but it sure didn't come from him... OK Dan. I didn't argue I just said he needed to keep his personal stuff personal where the kids don't have to see it and hung up.
I am still sad but also very angry and realistic. This isn't going to be a happy ending situation, short term. Down the road I will look back and realize that I stayed in the fight for longer than I should have and I will be so glad that I can breathe easy again...
BTW my first reaction after I found the packaging this morning was anger. I called his cell but luckily it went to vm. I hung up and calmed down. He texted back that he was in a meeting, did I call. I just replied 'yes'.
Went into a meeting of my own and when I got out he had texted twice, left a vm and an email. Guess he wondered what I wanted!!
I changed tactics and didn't mention the surprise in my drive. Just texted that I needed his attorney contact info. He sent back 2 replies, first that he didn't even have that information himself (funny since he had to call the guy and drive there he should have had both address and number). Next that he had no one on retainer so at this point technically he didn't have a lawyer. Then emailed again that I should call him.
He called me after that. I just said I didn't need anything other than the attorney info and I would "figure things out without it". I am not giving him insight into my plans, too bad he gave me most of his last night.
Then I mentioned the wrapper stuff in the drive. Just in context of "keep your personal stuff away from the kids". Imagine if Nathan had read it and seen the illustrations on the paper???? He got all defensive, what made me think it was his, someone in the neighborhoods garbage must have blown on the drive, it happens all the time, etc etc.
I didn't argue just said 'sure, ok. just make sure you don't expose the kids to your personal life' and hung up.
Time to TCB. Going to try to freeze 401K so he can't cash it out, protect myself from any more debt he incurs, etc etc. Time to work.
Maybe he did not put the instructions there - it could have been OW that did it.
You dont need his attorney info if you file. He will be served and it will be up to him to have his L respond. I served the petition to W myself so as to be a bit friendlier. I had told her that she had 10 days to acknowlege receipt, otherwise my L would have her officially served at her work by the sherrif. In your case, it seems maybe best to have it done officially since Dan is so irrational for you to speak to him about something that is going to cost him quite a lot financially.
as far as the package goes it really makes no difference..it's 6 of 1, half dozen of another...does not matter who left it..you know how he is, you know what he does...
I'll bet good money that Dan attmepts to stall when he finds out you filed...
anybody want to bet??....you may even see "nice Dan" again...
The package matters not at all except it woke me up that this is what my situation has become, that there is NOTHING I could find out about him anymore that I would consider 'beyond his capability', if that makes sense. It just helped me decide to take action.
Attorney appointment is 11:00 on Monday...
As a cutthroat businessman, when Dan sees his $$ and livelihood at stake (and it is pretty clear he sees his $$ as HIS not ours), I doubt I will see nice Dan. Probably thermonuclear Dan or ice cold steely Dan.
Intial filing 101 for lawyers is just like selling a car - they write it up so as to request for the highest amount. I predict thermonuclear Dan upon his reading of the petition.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Dan has a history with strippers, adult phone lines, magazines, internet porn and dvd porn, etc etc.
We had a colorful intimate life including accessories if you get the idea.
His first 'indescretion' was when he took a stripper back to his hotel in Tokyo on a business trip Feb. 2000.
I used to be fine with the strippers while we were engaged and the first couple years we were married. I figured it was a 'boys will be boys' thing, part of the meat business culture, and I even went with him many times in the early years b/c I thought it was harmless and he went home with me after all...
Once I found out about the thing in Tokyo I said "NO more strippers, period". Of course that didn't stick. He tried to hide it and I would find out about a visit once every 6-9 months. Which would lead to an argument, then he'd say he wouldn't go. Last night he brought up the fact that I went with him in the past so I couldn't hold it against him. I just told him I went until I realized he couldn't handle it (the cheating) and then I thought he should have understood why I didn't agree with it anymore out of respect for me.
Anyway the package thing was just the little cardboard insert w/instructions that came with a toy. Called "Don Wand" and described a glass 'wand' so to speak. Read between the lines...it was lying in the drive right where his car was parked last night as if it had fallen out of the car when he opened his door.
He denied it belonged to him. If it did it is not something he would use on himself, which indicates he continues to have outside relationships. He claims to have no idea how it got in my driveway and that it could have blown onto my driveway from someone else's yard/garbage/etc.
At this point it doesn't matter who it belonged to. What I realized is that because of his track record, his defensiveness, his evasiveness, etc., ANY time I come across something like this it will be my first instinct to assume the worst. And that is not the way I want to live my life always waiting for another shoe to drop.
Also right now he is sarcastic Dan. Just texted me "If you are not opposed there is an air show in town this Sunday and the sex addict would like to take Nathan if ok w/u"
OK Dan. I didn't argue I just said he needed to keep his personal stuff personal where the kids don't have to see it and hung up.