Making you file is one of the most cruel, yet common WAS weapons, I think. After everything, they still get to claim, in their minds, that you were the bad guy. Because, after all, it's all your fault.
Yeah, I have heard that before - "Well, you will get the divorce you want" or "I thought you said you would wait much longer".
I hope Dan never tries convincing the kids that they are in a broken family because it was their mother that pushed through the divorce. If such a situation were to occur, it is time to contact some of Dan's mentors (ie Nathan) to intervene.
I dont know why, I but I have overcome the point of who is filing in my case. It is not a valid point anymore. Who cares who files? Who fought for the marriage is clear. We did our best Bbj. And they didnt. I think sometimes we use this emotional blockage to justify our unwilingless to proceed as we should.
On another note, my H told my parents and friends that when he told the kids we are staying "separated" my son gave him the green light by saying "whatever is best for you dad". How stupid can this man be, my son is trying to protect HIM. To me he had a meltdown, crying and begging not to divorce...
Thanks, guys. Kimmie, I actually think it might be the loving thing, too.
I found an old sermon from my pastor in K.C. yesterday. Ironically, he gave it shortly after I found out Dan was having an A, about 18 months ago. Listened to it online. It is called "Make love AND war". Says that love will go to war for those who need it.
Basically it says people equate Christian=nice and that doing something confrontational is oft considered 'unchristian'. In fact if you love someone, you go to any length to see them redeemed. In this case, continuing to stand by Dan and wait it out does nothing for him or for me. Just allows him to wallow where he is while hurting me at the same time. So pushing this forward forces him to feel the ramifications of his actions. If he loses the 401k, the cows, the tractor, whatever, so be it. His consequences for his actions.
Nathan called him last night to ask about going to the air show today, it was never confirmed. Dan called back and I answered the phone. Of course he was all polite and friendly and jokey. I passed the phone back over to the kids. Nothing short of radical change will alter the course now.
I hope Dan never tries convincing the kids that they are in a broken family because it was their mother that pushed through the divorce. If such a situation were to occur, it is time to contact some of Dan's mentors (ie Nathan) to intervene.
Kerry, if he tries ANYTHING from this point on that is manipulative/underhanded, I will be contacting Nathan, Dan's parents, his sisters, whoever. Someone needs to save him from himself and I KNOW FIL will not tolerate him screwing me over after what he has already done to me.
The kids really know who is the one that wants out. Think about who they have meltdowns with. Kalni is right, they try to protect the WAS. They walk on eggshells around the WAS because they don't want have them gone forever. My Ds only have meltdowns with me. Even though I sometimes feel they blame me, I guess deep down they know who is willing to fight and who isn't.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
FYI, yesterday I gave him notice I was going to my attorney on Monday. I did it late afternoon, once I was sure he couldn't get into his attorney's before Monday (although as he says he doesn't have one on retainer yet...).
Why did I tell him? Because I am willing to get in the mud when I have to, but I won't do it just for the sake of doing it. I made it clear to him that I wanted to know when he was going to see an attorney, and he told me. I told him I wanted to know when I was being served, and he told me he had no plans for that yet and nobody on retainer.
So anyway I felt I ought to give him that same courtesy, even IF he didn't deserve it. So I let him know I was going to the atty on Monday. I expected the tactics to begin.
Instead, he was friendly on the phone last night. Today when he met me to pick up Nathan he suggested meeting at a restaurant (fast food). We all went in and he bought lunch for everyone and was chatty and pleasant.
He and Nathan left the restaurant, I took Sydney out but we went back in so she could go to the bathroom. Came back to the car, 5 missed calls from Dan. That never happens so I called in case something was wrong with Nathan. Nope. Dan was calling to warn me that there was some construction debris/nails/etc in the roadway outside the restaurant. He didn't want me to get a flat tire...ohhhh kay.
Then an hour later a text that Nathan was in a trance, loving the air show. Thanks again.
Don't worry, I am no dummy. The niceness either means he is thrilled I am going to the atty so he can be free and let me do the work.....or it means he has already started his own devious plans so is not worried about mine.
Gotta go get ready for the benefit tonight. Hope we raise a lot of money for my aunt and uncle!!
So, Dan brought Nathan to the benefit. I offered to meet him in the parking lot, he said he would come in. He came in and stayed for about 30 minutes. Walked around and looked at all the good stuff up for auction with me, and when he left he gave me $100 of his money to spend...
I took it cause it was for a good cause after all. Paying for my aunt and uncle's medical bills when one has a brain tumor and the other has cancer.
It is officially my 12th anniversary. As of midnight. Sunday is the day (30th). I have to work at church in the a.m. and then Nathan's party with my family. Then Monday is neurologist appt day and also attorney appt day. Good times.....
Just got home from a local bar. My sis was in town for benefit and her nephew wanted to go out. He is 30, it is a blended family deal hence the age discrepancy. He felt the need to buy us both assorted shots and beers so a good time was had by all. First time I have gone 'out' like that in a while....
