I think Coach has giving you great advice in the past, and I print out posts as reminders for myself. Many of his thoughts, yours, and 25MLC are amongst those. I like this one about the elephant.
While you wait for Coach to respond, I have a question for you about the email you sent your wife. What change, if any, have you observed in your wife since the email? Any shift in terms of respect, boundaries, communication, etc? Just curious...
Hey mnt_dreams.
Since the E-mail, the communication between us, on her part...has been more cordial. When I was picking up the kiddos a few days ago, she even came outside and talked with me for a few minutes. I talked low, and slow, and looked her right in the eyes when I was talking to her. I left first, too.
Thanks for asking.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Since the E-mail, the communication between us, on her part...has been more cordial. When I was picking up the kiddos a few days ago, she even came outside and talked with me for a few minutes. I talked low, and slow, and looked her right in the eyes when I was talking to her. I left first, too.
Nice.
Be prepard to be tested to see if it is for real. Next time you show up have something for her - a article pertaining to her job, CD of her fav band, a story you tell, etc. Something simple, not romantic but thoughtful.
You are a good man.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Since the E-mail, the communication between us, on her part...has been more cordial. When I was picking up the kiddos a few days ago, she even came outside and talked with me for a few minutes. I talked low, and slow, and looked her right in the eyes when I was talking to her. I left first, too.
Nice.
Be prepard to be tested to see if it is for real. Next time you show up have something for her - a article pertaining to her job, CD of her fav band, a story you tell, etc. Something simple, not romantic but thoughtful.
You are a good man.
Cheers
I'm prepared Coach...because it IS for real! I'll take your advice on the 'simple and thoughtful' thing too!
Thank You.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Her and my oldest daughter came by last night on their way out of town (they're going on a cruise with her parents) to say bye to the little kids. I gave her a check to help out with 'back to school' supplies for the kiddos, and I gave her a CD and said "here's something to listen to while you're on the road...hope you like it". She thanked me and after some logistical chit-chat and telling the kiddos bye, they left. I told them to 'be safe, and have fun'. I also gave my oldest daughter a card telling her how much I loved her and how proud of her I am...I also enclosed some spending money for her, for this trip. Daughter texted me later on thanking me.
I'm still working on this.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Earlier this morning, I got this from her while I'm at work...
"Thanks for working with me so we could go on this cruise. Please let them know where you're going out of town. They need to know, being your kids. You shouldn't keep that kind of stuff from them."
...I'm going out of town this weekend to do a 100 mile bicycle ride in another state. I've been working on logistics (hotels, transportation, etc.), and I plan on telling the kids tonight specifically.
Anyway, I sent back the following...
"You're welcome. I am not keeping anything from the kids, nor will I...please don't assume you know that I am. If you want to know, just ask, but please don't assume to know. Have a blast on your cruise."
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
"Just to set the record straight, I do not want to know where you're going. But you should tell the kids and don't be evasive about it with them. Daughter said your mom was picking them up today and I hope that still holds true. Could you please verify it with her? Thanks."
I sent back the following...
"Please don't assume to know that I'm keeping something from them. I'm not. If you want to know 'if' I'm keeping something from them, then ask. But please don't assume to know. They're riding the bus home. They'll be picked up at the bus stop."
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Earlier this morning, I got this from her while I'm at work...
"Thanks for working with me so we could go on this cruise. Please let them know where you're going out of town. They need to know, being your kids. You shouldn't keep that kind of stuff from them."
...I'm going out of town this weekend to do a 100 mile bicycle ride in another state. I've been working on logistics (hotels, transportation, etc.), and I plan on telling the kids tonight specifically.
Anyway, I sent back the following...
"You're welcome. I am not keeping anything from the kids, nor will I...please don't assume you know that I am. If you want to know, just ask, but please don't assume to know. Have a blast on your cruise."
Hindsight, right, but maybe you could have avoided the back & forth by saying something like "I plan to give them the specifics tonight. Just finalizing the hotel, etc. Have a great trip". The way you responded put her on the defense, I think.
At this point, I'd let it go. In a day or two, check in and keep it friendly. I think you got sucked into a debate about what the kids are entitled to know, secrets, assumptions... and you need to keep things friendly. My two cents.
Yep. I think "I plan to give them the specifics tonight. Just finalizing the hotel, etc. Have a great trip.", would have been a better response. I just am putting forth more effort to correct her on this mind-reading stuff whenever she does it. I'm also setting up boundries, as I've posted here, as far as acceptable communication goes. I feel better for doing these things, and it's certainly different than the way I've allowed the communication to go between us since she left. I feel stronger...and when I get something from her that's hurtful, I find myself being better able to just shed it like water off a duck's back. We've had a couple of face to face meetings recently, and I feel like I've done OK. I certainly appreciate your input. Sometimes those people who have no emotional investment in a situation are able to see it with more clarity than those of us who are emotionally invested in it. Thanks mnt_dreams.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I'm off! I'm leaving in a little bit, after I get the kiddos off to school, to go to Wichita Falls, Texas to do the Hotter 'N' Hell 100 mile endurance ride on my bicycle. We start a little after 0700 tomorrow morning. I'm stoked!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
