Just checking up on you..... Funny thing- I just got back from Barnes and Nobles. I bought my son the second book to the Boxcare Children series. I thought I would read it to him and have that as a "Welcome Back to School" gift for him when he got home.
Funny, S8 used to read the Boxcar Children series all the time -- I think he's read almost the entire series. He also has liked the Magic Treehouse series too, and many others.
Cool! I'll meet you there. It's like you know when I have a tough day! Which I did!
First of all, I had emailed H yesterday. I'm set to have the kids Thurs afternoon to Sunday night. And emailed him about the holiday Monday if he wanted to spend it with them. Is anyone surprised he wanted to pick them up at 5pm Monday when I offered he have them Sunday night on? And the only reason he wants 5 pm is I think b/c he has a spreadsheet somewhere and he wants credit for an overnight. Then he emails me as if he's going to have them until Thursday or something. Until this past week, he was just having Wed. night and every other weekend. Now he wants to double his time with them, with the divorce hearing coming up. Touching.
I'm going to stand firm though that I'm going to pick D9 up Tuesday and take her to the after-school program I volunteer at the church. Would be stupid for her to sit at his apt. supervised by S15 for several hours when she could be doing fun and being social like he always says is so important. I'm dreading the fights we'll be having the next few months. I just like to get along and not fight so I really married the wrong guy even if it wasn't for the cheating and lying and stuff.
I can't WAIT for the D to be over. I think no matter how it gets settled then H won't be trying to act like the concerned parent. So many people have told me (including their therapist) that he's going to slowly disappear from their life after the D. I expect that too.
I did go to the church today. They're always there, someone is, and today no one was. They didn't answer the locked door. You beep and then have to get buzzed in. I'll call tomorrow am though. It may have been a good thing b/c I was in a bad and shaky mood today, also because...
I talked to the guidance counselor at D9's school today. I wanted to find out details on a staff meeting they had re: D9 on Monday (which she attended). She told me they are going to do some "interventions" & I would have to contact D9's teacher to find out what they were. So I'll do that tomorrow.
I asked the GC if when D9's insurance runs out for Speech and OT if she can get it through the schools. She said well if she gets into ESE, and then asked me if she's ever been diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Apparently diagnosed learning disabilities and autism isn't enough to qualify. She said her testing scores would have qualified her last year, but they don't use them anymore. Does this sound like violating Federal law or what? Now I remember why I pulled out S15 when he was in school!!!
I am sorry. What a mess. With these guys you show concern or thoughtfulness and they want to run off with something else entirely. I will be happy for you when this is over too.
I don't know about the school stuff. Is there an organization which governs them that you can check with? Maybe Yoyo knows something in regards to that.
Here's hoping that tomorrow is better for you all. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
All I can teel you from my experience is that even after the D, the games don't stop. It also has a impact on the kids. For mine, up until the D, they would constantly try figure out what life would be like post D, but not think it so bad since it hadn't actually happened. Now, post D, the view is entirely different, the hurt because now mom and dad are officially seperated 'for good'.
Also post D, they seem to really start to analyze the who did what and the why's mom and dad are done with each other. And, at least in my case, they unfortunately start to the process of resentment and act out on the parent who uprooted and 'blew' the family apart.
With time on the table, I would suggest talking as you probably already do with STBX about parenting techniques post D. I certanly also suggest discussing how the visitations will be divied and start to follow it prior to it becoming official. Prior to my D, I had every Wednesday night with my boys in conjunction with every other weekend as it sounds like yours. Well, with the addition of Friday nights in the final settlement, Wed. was eliminated. Now, at least XW and I have been civil enough that if I wanted to take them out to dinner or something when I can afford it, it's not a problem.
Anyway, I can't speak for your H as I'm not all too up on your history, but, as a father I can say that the reality that hit me post D of the impact on our kids stabbed my heart harder that and bludgenment that XW could dish. Hopefuly in your case, it will do the same for him and he will not bolt as in some other cases here, which completely disgusts me.
And who knows, it might be enough to slap him in the face and wake up?
On a side note, I am noticing a odd pattern here that most of us all have kids with some sort of disability, I know that factored in to my sitch, S12 was a handful for years and unruly during our problems.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
On a side note, I am noticing a odd pattern here that most of us all have kids with some sort of disability, I know that factored in to my sitch, S12 was a handful for years and unruly during our problems.
I've noticed that too! I was watching an autism spectrum show and they said the D rate is much higher something like 80% on marriages where kids have AS.
I focused so much on the kids and not enough on my marriage. I've learned from that, and try not to do that. My H kind of stayed away all the time and even denied they had any issues even after they were diagnosed with autism. Said when he got them evaluated a few months ago and that confirmed their autism/learning disabilities that at least he found out I wasn't crazy. Like I was making it all up!!!
He and his mom both have learning disabilities and maybe some of the AS too, so maybe he did that to avoid feeling guilty or something. It's nobody's fault though, and I think it would be better if you had parents that could work as a team which we didn't do.
I give him credit though. I emailed him in disgust with that guidance counselor's comments to me and related them. He called the vice principal at the school. He didn't really tell me what was said, but said if I get the records from the speech and occupational therapist today that would help.
I do hope H realizes at some point what he's doing: for a R with a woman already married 3 times (cheated on her 3rd with H). Sad for the kids!, but I think I'll wind up happier in the long run, and he'll be the lone bachelor type eventually.
Karen, If I were you I would call and make an appointment to speak with the district's special education supervisor. She would be the most knowledgeable on what would be offered. In our school speech therapy and OT is offered.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I've tried to call her several times, but maybe she's so busy b/c of the start of school. They do have an SLP and OT at her school, but the problem is to get D9 qualified for them. The vice principal said if they have her records it might help. So we'll see. I'm wondering if it might be a matter of funding or something, or maybe they have too many kids. We had that experience with ESE when S15 was in first grade--the SLP at the school had 120 kids in different schools and couldn't see him hardly ever.
D9 wet her pants today, late afternoon. She says she's been holding it in but doesn't know why. I told her just figure out a good time every day: after lunch or she said after playground time and just go then before it's too late! She hasn't had an accident probably for 5 or 6 years!
OK, finally some good news. Guess who has a job AGAIN? Yep, me. They're starting a Parent's morning out twice a week for babies up to 3 years old, and guess who's the Director? I get to help the Pastor hire the staff and set it up and everything! Is that the coolest ever??? I would do it for free, but actually they want to pay me, and everyone working for the program. I'm so excited!!!! Wont start until October, but since I have my Master's in Elementary Ed, I plan to spend the next month learning everything about Early Childhood. Hours will be 8:30 to 12:30 so I can work while the kids in school, and the schedule will coincide with the school calendar. Can you say dream job???
Ok, question for y'all. I've just been emailing X re: the kids. He emailed me last week and asked me if I'd gotten a job and I ignored it. Do I need or should I email him about the job? It shouldn't affect the kids or my caring the kids or taking them to therapies or anything, but I guess if they got sick he might have to take care of them if they got sick those 2 mornings. What do you think?
Why don't you wait until everything is done as far as the job is concerned. Once everything is set up with hiring and such you will know how much time it will take. You haven't gotten any money yet and your H will be hitting you up about that. You have a few weeks still. Congrats!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Then he emails me as if he's going to have them until Thursday or something. Until this past week, he was just having Wed. night and every other weekend. Now he wants to double his time with them, with the divorce hearing coming up. Touching. 