I think you still let the petition get filed. But, during the process over the coming months, you will need to do some heavy soul searching in yourself as to whether you can ever truly love him with all your heart again. His actions after filing will be telling. If he wants you so bad, he will need to prove it without much discussion or work from you.
Saturday was an "H" day, he had called Friday night to see what we were up to and say he would be at the house Saturday a.m. Said he was working on his house trying to get things done. (Just last week he said he wasn't going to touch his house until we got a D so it wouldn't increase in value and now he is working on it)
Called Sat. on his way to the house to see if we needed anything for breakfast. Came over and spent the morning at the house with the kids, ate breakfast with us, etc etc. I did my own thing after breakfast and he stayed w/the kids until lunch time. Then they left and went to his parents' to play.
I was up in Omaha running errands, he texted me to ask if I had plans for dinner. Said he and the kids were getting ready for dinner. I told him I was heading back to my house. He showed up there with the kids about 45 min later, invited me out to eat with them.
Then kids threw fit about going out so he ordered in pizza. He called me from his mom and dad's about 45 min. after he left my house. Basically I could tell he called so I would know he was there and not in KC (he used their phone instead of his cell phone so it would show up on my caller id).
Sunday was a 'me' day, I had the kids all day. Dan called in the evening to talk to the kids. He told me what he had been doing all day, and made a point of telling me he had been in town all day, again working on his house.
Today was a 'him' day. He came again just after breakfast, hung out with the kids while I did the things on my list. He had shown me on Saturday how to use the electric hedge-trimmer things. So he complimented me on how nice the hedges/shrubs looked. This is a 180 b/c he used to do all the yard work now I do everything.
He took the kids again and I worked on my own projects all afternoon/evening. Then at 6 he texted again asking me my dinner plans. He invited me out to eat dinner with him and the kids at MILs. I figured she was there and told him to ask. But I got there and it was just him and the kids. She and FIL were out of town. So Dan made us all dinner and we ate and hung out together with the kids again.
I took the kids home and he followed me in. After they were in bed tonight he told me that he had looked at some of the options I had given him previously and done some research of his own and decided he wanted to go to a 3 day, one-on-one intensive down in Florida. It is called Couples on the Brink, a group of therapists works with just one couple for 3 days with a solution-focused approach. I know he still needs individual help but it is a start and maybe they can help him realize that he needs more IC.
I told him that the retreat sounded great [btw he said he wanted to call and make the reservations and schedule it, pay for it, etc etc. which is good since I want him doing work], but that I couldn't go as long as ow was in the picture as it would be pointless.
He said he knew I wanted him to end it with her in front of me. He said he hated that idea as it would be uncomfortable for everyone involved, but he understood why I wanted it.
He said he would probably do it over the phone, with me on the phone too. He said there were things that would be said that I prob didn't want to hear. I told him I already figured that they both promised to get a divorce and I knew she might bring that up, etc etc. I asked him what reason he gave her that he hadn't filed yet and he said he had told her that he wasn't sure it was the right decision.
He said again that he knew why I wanted it just hated the idea of it. Said he didn't want to do it in person b/c it was a bad idea to have us face to face. (True) That is why he suggested over the phone.
So anyway that is where we are now. He said he was going to try and get the retreat scheduled for the first weekend of October so we will see...
Also I asked him if the kids were the only reason he wanted to try again or if I was a factor. He said it was both reasons, the kids and me. That if he didn't want to be around me he wouldn't have spent time with me this weekend and invited me out and made dinner, etc etc.
Please BBJ....please....I beg of you....be very very careful. Dan is so volatile in his emotions and seems to like to screw with your head. I'm not saying don't have hope, just don't let him get to your heart right now.
Are you still going to file? It would freeze all the assets at least and protect your interests while Dan figures out Dan.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I wanted to post to you before, after your big convo about him realising it was over with ow and he didnt want to move in with her... but I couldnt find the words (as it seemed I was going 'against the flow' here..) but reading your latest post bought tears to my eyes. I am so glad for you that he is finally waking up.. no, he's not there yet, he is still holding back a bit, worried, guilt ridden.. but wow, he is going to break up with her and offered for you to be present (by phone) when he does? Thats incredible.
Dont be afraid, or cynical and I dont feel you should file either if your heart is not in it. So he has another chance, if he is the love of your life, despite his weaknesses and faults, then follow your heart. Some people deserve a second chance.. and third.. and fourth, I should know.
Love and good luck with the phonecall (when is it?) Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
