How he acts after the D papers are filed will be very telling. If he ever swears again at you, I think you will know that his heart is in his wallet more than with you.
I also think a big change he must do for fixing himself is to find a new occupation. One where he does not need to travel or work long hours or be around other guys who have a degrading attitude towards women.
In a way, I kind of feel some pity for him. His world is crumbling around him. But in the end, he has no one to blame but himself.
Yep, I think he's lying all the way around now that he's backed himself into a corner.
My H also tells me how guilty he feels when he thinks of ending it with the OW, & that I just would never understand that. It doesn't help that she has a disability.
No, it makes no difference, does it, why the OW believed it was okay to poach. As you say, it was her choice & she sure as sh*t wasn't thinking about your welfare.
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Last night I told him that he told me back in Feb "I don't know how to do this without you, I am trying to figure out how to make us better"
I heard this same thing over & over. Hold your ground & proceed cautiously.
I have to add here that my stbxh said the same thing :see if we make it etc etc while he was still seeing the OW on and off, mostly when our interactions were unpleasant...
From what I read, after the initial effort to break it off with her, he strung her along with no clear indications of what it was she should be waiting for. One recent mail she sent him was about this year's vacation where she asked him, what "let's see what me and Maria will decide on vacation...'.
So, cake eating and making sure he had someone waiting for him in case I did as I told him, file.
I think this is an important turn for you. Proceed with the filing. That's my advice. K
How he acts after the D papers are filed will be very telling. If he ever swears again at you, I think you will know that his heart is in his wallet more than with you.
I also think a big change he must do for fixing himself is to find a new occupation. One where he does not need to travel or work long hours or be around other guys who have a degrading attitude towards women.
In a way, I kind of feel some pity for him. His world is crumbling around him. But in the end, he has no one to blame but himself.
Kerry
When he was talking to me Wednesday night, that was a big chunk of it, too. That his career choice has been a major contributor to his life sucking. Now, don't get me wrong. I know there are guys at the top of the corporate meat-sales ladder who don't screw around on their wives. It just seems like a very "Mad Men" (tv show) operation where it is still the 1950s and boys will be boys...
Anyway he said that even if he wasn't fired, he needed out of the business. It was killing him. I asked what he intended to do instead and he said he didn't know but he had to get out. Time for him to choose between money/status and health/peace.
Oh Lord, the work thing and realizations sound just too familiar to me... I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel, I almost believed him. I hope Dan is wiser... K
Yep heard it about the job too... but he did change one of his jobs to be closer to home and is right now taking Military Leave of Absence so he is home more.....= actions....
Of course, to be fair... it's not easy for the bread winner to walk away quickly as they do have responsibilites.... it took my H a year to make it happen.. the difference was he was taking actions to make it happen.
Let's see what his actions are, his talk is cheap.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
That reminded me of something my SIL said to me about my H seveeral months ago in regard to lies he was telling OW. SIL said "He is lying to you and he is lying to her, but most of all he is lying to himself.
I think that goes for Dan too.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Yes Kerry, he did. He also looked depressed, confused and he lost weight. I thought he was struggling... Apparently all that was from having too much sex, at some point with both of us...
Ok...it is the negative cynic again.... I have heard people blame their parents or their childhoods for their less than exemplary adult behaviour. I have even heard people blame their business travel and consequently their time away from home for their marriage woes. However, I have never heard someone blame the industry in which they are employed to try to excuse their shortcomings.
