I don't see any evidence that anything has changed. He's just got more time to hide things.
((((((BobbiJo)))))) If he really is changing, you filing isn't going to hurt a thing. In fact, if he really is changing, I think he would respect that you have to protect yourself, and be cautious. And if he's not changing, you need to be protected.
here's the deal..Dan is Crying..."she is still contacting me"..
well Dan....you can block her text, you can block her calls..if you are serious..you can take her call, record that call with you telling her never to call or contact you again...and then you can use that as evidence that you no longer want contact with her and let the authorities handle it if she contiunes to contact you...
but Dan..do you do that?? No dan you do not...
you continue to do what you do simply because you are able and simply because you like it and you want to do it..and it gives you a big sense of control...
you've got 2 women on the hook..and you like it..and I would hazard to guess you may have more than two..
(1) It is a great idea to be on the extension when H cuts things off completely, just mute yourself. Him following through on this WITH YOU on the extension demonstrates real resolve. Communicate to him the messages you want OW to hear: he is committed to you and his M, his A was a mistake, he does not want her in his personal life in any capacity, do not contact him after this call in any way.
(2) My guess is that he is in contact with OW, though it is probably her initiating. Has he said he has not spoken to her or emailed her at all?
(3) If I were you, I'd tell him to get back to me when he is ready to make that call with you on the extension. Until then, let him stew in his own drama.
(4) If you do this, there will be stages. There will not be perfect crisp honesty all at once, mostly because H will still be lying to himself a bit. This is normal. I think it is unavoidable. But if you are going to freak at each new revelation in the future and run when he stumbles a bit, give up now.
Ouch MIkey that's a 4x4 for sure... but we know how you feel about Danny Boy! ;-)
BBJ,
I have watched this unfold and you need to be very cautious with this ending of the relationship thing. I learned the hard way and now its tough working it out..... I know I don't go into much detail on my threads but my H really broke it off with her because of something she did and at the same time I presented him with filing papers....
His coming back was a knee jerk reaction that plagued him for over a year. He never felt like he had the decision.... he felt like she made the decision for him and so did I. She might have but I didn't. I told him if he was talking to her and hadn';t told her it was done to not talk to me anymore unless it revolved around the kids.... no big deal to me at that time because I was GAL and moving on. But to him it was me pressuring him to end it.... which he was going to do anyway but I think he feels I rushed it because he was losing me .
Anyway, the road ahead is tough and my H doesn't have the track record of yours in the being "mean" category.
Here was what I said to my H... Done is Done
It's simple. Dan is not done .... he is cycling.... he may be headed for being done.. but he is not and his reasons and excuses are weak at best.
My H is still cycling .... dont' get me wrong... that's why I am trying to offer my opinion to sit back and don't rush anything and by all means.... don't get your hopes up....
but for someone who wants to be with you ... why in the hell would he put off calling her? There is no reason... Dan IS weak and until he can stand on his own (what I wish I would have had my H do) he will continue this cycle for a while.... and not neccessarily with another woman.... but honestly, just because that issue is gone doesn't mean the other issues are any easier. It will be difficult at best...
Praying for you and discernment to know what to do. I too don't think 3 weeks more is a big deal but please protect yourself....
Ot was posting as I was writing this... and for the record I was on the other line when he broke it off with her... he wanted me to hear it.....
Last edited by sandycay; 09/11/0904:42 PM. Reason: cause I wanted to
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
However OldTimer, why does BobbiJo need to tell Dan what to say on the phone? It should be plainly obvious for him to use his own freewill and thoughts on how to break it off. Also, how Dan communicates with her should provide BobbiJo with additional evidence as to whether he will ever be able to be reconciled with.
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
you've got 2 women on the hook..and you like it..and I would hazard to guess you may have more than two..
I wonder also about what happens during the trips to Canada.
When we talked the other night and he got upset that I was pushing him, it wasn't about ow or the retreat. I was pushing him like I did last time and I acknowledge that. I started asking about us spending time together, showing affection, etc etc. Things that we obv. shouldn't be dealing with yet. We need to do the retreat first so that we can communicate and even figure out if we both really want to do this.
However, that being said, I DO want to know the plans re ow and the retreat. He said he though that the first weekend of October would be a good time to go on the retreat. That makes sense, I have plans this week, then he goes to Canada for a week, then it is our town's homecoming weekend when my son has to be in a parade, etc. Plus since it is a one-on-one retreat, they need some lag time to schedule it.
So, question of the day is, do I ask him up front if he has scheduled the retreat? Do I bring up the ow thing? Or am I suppsed to wait for him to bring it up?
And no OT I am not going to freak out if he stumbles on some part of trying to reconcile. But I think that avoiding the topic of ow is more than a stumble...
There is a difference between BobbiJo "telling Dan what to say" and, as I suggested, letting Dan know what she'd like to hear...
And, if this is really about ending the R and starting anew with BobbiJo, then the call is more about Dan and BobbiJo than anything else. If he is serious, he will WANT her to hear the call (As in Sandy's case) and he will be HAPPY for collaboration/partnership.
So, question of the day is, do I ask him up front if he has scheduled the retreat? Do I bring up the ow thing? Or am I suppsed to wait for him to bring it up?
In my opinion you should not have to go asking him if he's scheduled the retreat or when he is going to call the OW. If he is REALLY serious about dumping the OW and reconciling with you, he should be eagerly providing you these answers. If he is truly done he will make the call now and the retreat should be already scheduled and paid for.
