She's upset about the way I treated her in the past,
Validate. Consistent loving action.
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and she's upset when I mention that this is not good for our little ones.
She knows this too. You be the most incredible Dad you can.
This isn't over.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Yes, you need to get a L if she has one. Let her know that your L is handling legal correspondence.
Mad is good, what was she upset about?
I told her that I didn't feel comfortable giving her attorney documents without getting a chance to discuss things with my attorney first. She is pissed. I said that all legal correspondence needs to be communicated through our attorneys. She said she is coming over in an hour to get the documents because 'this is still her house too' and 'those are also her documents'. Then she hung up! I sent her an E-mail and asked her nicely not to come over here and cause problems. I also told her that the documents that she wants are not here.
She is mad. I'm not gonna 'help' her divorce me.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Her pissyness is unwarranted. It's your right and duty to get legal counsel before making decisions. Just be firm & sweet.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Well, your last year's tax return is her document, and she can even get that from the IRS if she really really wants to, although it would take a while. I don't think she has any right to your paycheck stub, without a court order.
Get a L and tell him/her what your position is. Don't let her bully you. All this stuff takes a long time. Continue to show her the new you.
Bringing up the kids isn't helping your cause. She knows how this is affecting them, but she still thinks it's best. You telling her she's wrong is just more bad energy between you and you don't need that. Remember, it's always better to agree with them. These little battles aren't worth the added damage to your R.
The first legal moves are indeed hard. If it helps, know that it might make her feel more secure so she can let go of some of her anger. Remember, she's keeping that anger because she feels it's protecting her. As the reality of a D gets closer, it may cause her to re-evaluate what she's doing. My W was dead set on a D six months ago, but I've noticed how much easier it is to be resolute about something that's way off in the future. As the time gets closer, she's much less sure of it, especially as our R continues to improve.
Her pissyness is unwarranted. It's your right and duty to get legal counsel before making decisions. Just be firm & sweet.
Thanks O'dog. I feel that way too. She got really mad over the phone and said 'that was a joint income tax and she had a right to it'. I said yes, but under the circumstances, all legal correspondence is going to have to be handled by our attorneys. I was firm, and sweet.
She sent an E-mail saying that I was going to make this difficult and that's not what she wants. I replied that I wasn't going to 'help' her divorce me. I think it's a bad decision and it's not in the best interests of our kiddos. That's not being 'manipulative'...that's saying the truth. I also told her that if she doesn't love me any more, it's because she chooses not to. Love is a choice...it's not a feeling. I told her that this morning when she called, and it pissed her off.
This stuff is hitting me pretty hard...been living in limbo since Feb. 22nd...and I've been doing the work, really I have. But it still hurts to see this coming about.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Well, your last year's tax return is her document, and she can even get that from the IRS if she really really wants to, although it would take a while. I don't think she has any right to your paycheck stub, without a court order.
Get a L and tell him/her what your position is. Don't let her bully you. All this stuff takes a long time. Continue to show her the new you.
Bringing up the kids isn't helping your cause. She knows how this is affecting them, but she still thinks it's best. You telling her she's wrong is just more bad energy between you and you don't need that. Remember, it's always better to agree with them. These little battles aren't worth the added damage to your R.
The first legal moves are indeed hard. If it helps, know that it might make her feel more secure so she can let go of some of her anger. Remember, she's keeping that anger because she feels it's protecting her. As the reality of a D gets closer, it may cause her to re-evaluate what she's doing. My W was dead set on a D six months ago, but I've noticed how much easier it is to be resolute about something that's way off in the future. As the time gets closer, she's much less sure of it, especially as our R continues to improve.
OK futureunknown, I see your point regarding the kids...I've said my piece about that...I felt like I needed to...now, I don't need to mention it anymore. I don't intend to.
Yeah, it's hard. She has a lot of hurt...she started crying on the phone this morning, before the anger came back. She sounds resolute. Got pissed because she wouldn't have these documents when she went to see her lawer today.
Thank you for being here. Man, I need some support right now.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
also told her that if she doesn't love me any more, it's because she chooses not to. Love is a choice...it's not a feeling. I told her that this morning when she called, and it pissed her off.
Of course it did. If she was here I would tell her to set a boundary, it's ok for her to choose are think what she wants. Stop trying to tell her that her feelings are wrong, her choices are wrong, her actions are wrong. It's not up to you, your words won't change her mind.
Regroup, you got a bomb dropped on you again so take care of yourself. Communication - wait until you are less emotional and either validate or say nothing right now. You are hurting and you are going back to old unproductive habits. You can handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
