Your fencing story is just way too funny! LOL That poor man, he must have been quite embarrassed. hehehe
I too share that same paranoia about Rs. Yet, view it as another type of fear to concur. Hopefully next time round it will be with someone who is more open & honest & not so afraid & guilt ridden.
Mishka is right in all she said. You are young, time will heal the wounds.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Lol Ali, I am much more aware of myself and do tone it down already. I think about my words and actions a lot more these days I will definitely be aware of it in the future and think before acting/ speaking. Although I do have a terrible tendency to blame myself for anything and everything.
T, you are right I have no option but to be myself and to be honest I'm finding out that I am not so bad - certainly not as bad as h (and myself) made me feel when he left.
Kalni, you words were so wise, thank you. I love that phrase 'aware of our surroundings', I guess there is no harm in that as long as it doesn't go too far and I'll never know if I don't give it a try. I think the paranoia in me will fade but I will never again not be aware. It is getting it in proportion...
Mishka, I think the technical words are breast plate, but I like boob protectors much better I will not walk on eggshells in the future, life is too short. I am never so extreme in the tough love stance but I do see the merits of not losing yourself in a relationship and knowing you will be ok whatever. All part of lifes learnings I guess.
MsM, I think I do need to reframe the idea somehow. I think I am working through a lot of things at the moment. I can’t wait to go away, where I have promised myself, fun exploration and no thinking is that possible??
Hey Julia! I was talking about planning a big trip too last night.. 3 months away would be amazing, but we'd have to do it soon. You are so lucky you have the chance to go!
And I didnt mean to teach you to suck eggs .. its just that you said "I think the thing I worry about in the future is that now I have identified my faults (I can be high maintenance with men as I am not the demure sort!), if I am myself in the future will I push the next person away?".. as though you planned on still being that way. I am not surprised you have become aware of any faults and learnt a hard lesson, I did too, we all do.. Thats not to say you, or I, should blame ourselves as such hey, but its that thing Priya says, the thing that hurts us the most is our most valuable teacher...
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Lol, I know Ali. It made me laugh. I so need to tone it down sometimes, I can be such a youngest child sometimes I love that quote from Priya, such a great way to frame it and so true!
How exciting about your trip! Where were you thinking?
Hi JCJ My, you sound so much better! Just struggling with wilfull Cat6, which reminded me to check in on you!
I could do with a foil right now to shove her furry little butt off my desk ... she's learning to type and wants to do her own stuff. Now she's run off with my necklace in her mouth ... oh, I so hope that Maple is more under control than her Aussie cousins!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
He didn't ever cancel any of the bills that were in his name at our house so I just stopped the direct debits as I was paying them. If I had of waited for him it would have meant me nagging etc and waiting for refunds and paying out on two houses. It'll affect his credit record, not mine.
Anyway, he hasn't transferred the cat insurance to my name yet either and Maple isn't well so I had to email him to get him to do that. I was going to just start up a new policy and cancel that one but they won't pay out for at least 14 days of starting the policy so I have to stick with the old one.
Also, our banks don't seem to want to separate our accounts. They sent him a letter which was to our old home address as he still had not changed it and he no longer has his mail redirected. It turns out he has to go into a branch and sign for it so I had to tell him that also. Talk about spoon feeding!
I did it in a polite, detached way but still annoying to have to contact him.
That is because these WAS's are such big babies. I had to hold stbx's hand in EVERYTHING, homework, doing his student loan paperwork, all that stuff AFTER we had been separated. Finally, I told him to find someone else to do it all because I was finished.
Of course, we didn't have a joint bank account either. It was just all his stuff.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Gees....what a baby! He still hasn't done the ONE thing you asked him to do? How hard is it to make a call to transfer insurance on the cat? How hard is it walk into a bank branch (I assume it's a large bank with branches all over the area) and sign one danged paper to fix the paperwork snafu? GRRRRR....idiot.
Glad you were able to take it all in stride and not let it get you too angry.
Done more fencing?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
How are you? I can only tell you what worked for me. I broke off all contact with H in Dec 08. This meant no phone calls, no texts or meet ups. Any e-mails were strictly business reg divorce. I noticed that when I did this he began to make more contact. Turning up to my lesiure centre on the one day and at the same time he knows I go to play there. Being awkward with the divorce papers and not signing things etc until the very last minute and then offering to bring them to my flat as obviously the post would take too long and he didn't want me to travel all that way to pick them up etc etc. Maybe he is just being considerate and still cares for me?? Maybe...
What did I do? I changed lesiure centres, I blocked his e-mails - there is nothing I want or need to hear any more. He is NOT worth it!! There are plenty of men out there but even if I spend the rest of my life alone I will not take him back because I do not respect him anymore. Anyone who can make me feel so bad about myself is not worth wasting my time on. We all have faults and the only thing to do is to try to improve yourself. I also think about future relationships but with optimism because I have learnt so much from this experience. If something similar happened again I would be out that door in a heartbeat and not look back. I don't regret what I did this time because I learnt so much from it. I'm now actually living my life, spending my money on things I enjoy and not on H or anyone else and not stressing about everything, this is something I would not have done before even though others had in the past tried to tell me. It took such a shock to truly wake me up!!
Nobody knows what will happen in the future, Julia. I may well meet my H in the future. Maybe we will be friends some day, maybe more.... no one knows but I do know that at this present time he is with someone else and no matter what the reason and whether he will regret it, I am not wasting any more of my precious time thinking about him.............It helped to let go of the man I loved by realising that he was no longer that man.
I would leave the divorce for now as you still don't seem sure but I would say break off all contact. Sort out all the links like the cat insurance, you are using them as excuses. You need to do something to get yourself back to normal for you and not for anyone else. You will wake up one day where you don't think of him and your heart doesn't skip a beat when you see his mail in your inbox. But for now you need to give your heart time to heal, not just the mind. You don't know what will happen in the future and so you need to stop worrying about it. What will be will be. Live for now, for you.
(((Lola, Mishka))) they don't benefit him I guess so it slithers to the back of his brain. He hasn't got back to me on that stuff yet. The vet is the most urgent, he'll just have to fill out the claim and deal with it this time. Of course he will do that straight away as it is for Maple, anyone else but me eh.
I know I shouldn't be negative but when you have taken last place for so long and been so undemanding as I have of him over the past year it grates a little. I could have caused so much more fuss throughout this whole thing!
Hey Samina, I was thinking about you the other day. How are you?
I hear what you are saying. I am going no contact at all now. I just really don't want interaction with him at this point. I think the cat insurance and the bank account were the last things, our lives were so intertwined! You are so right about living for now and not worrying about the future and also what you said about giving the heart time to heal too really hit home. It has taken me a long while to work out how to heal my heart and now I can see the path, I think no contact is the only way. I am doing what is best for me now and not considering him at all, after all he hasn't considered me for the past two years. Or, if he has, he has gone onto do what the hell he likes anyway.
That poor man, he must have been quite embarrassed. hehehe