Steering many prayers your way! Trust in the Lord my dear. He wishes for you to be nearer to Him now. Your comfort, your strength, your protection comes from Him as you know. You love Him with steadfastness and His perfect love will be poured out upon you and your family.
It is natural to feel like being anything but sorry for Dan. Natural ...but wrong. He is adrift and has been for too long. I will be praying diligently that he will begin to act wisely and be receptive fully to God's grace which he is no doubt feeling.
Seek His face dear BobbiJo. Feel Jesus' embrace and His everlasting love.
Bbj, you are doing the right thing. Dont doubt your actions or self. Sometimes, the right thing feels awkward because it just aint easy. It still is "right". xxx K
Hey Bobbi.. I came here to say the same thing. You took a leap of faith off a cliff yesterday...I'm so sorry it was horrible for you, you have been through so much already, just keep swimming sister. xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I have to disagree with this from my own experience. During my divorce proceedings, I had a doom and gloom imagination sometimes that the kids were going to suffer greatly and that I was going to end up broke. But in reality, things came out pretty well.
I still have to deal with Batchit crazy occasionally, but it is what makes for a challenge.
Had a great weekend! Homecoming here, that is a BIG production in my town. Don't know if any others do it up as big as we do. Parade Friday lasted two hours, every classroom has its own float, plus bands, businesses in town have entries, etc etc. My son's float was so cute! Course I was on the planning committee for it...
My cousin invited me out with her friends for their 15 yr class reunion. Mine was last year. A few of my best guy friends married girls in her class so I got to see them again.
I went with Julie (cousin) to a friend's before the football game. Then about 10 of us went to the game, and we won!
Then Julie and I left her hubby and kids and went to the bar. My best, best friend Ryan was there w/his wife, and his younger brother. Julie wanted to go home at 12 so I took her home and went back. Shut the place down, got home after 2. Again, it is so great to remember that I am a fun, funny person who was always well-liked. I mean sometimes we let our M situation color our view of everything. But, other than my H, most people still think of me as a great person.
Time does change perspectives, though. The 2 most popular guys the year ahead of me were at the bar. The team captain/quarterback and the basketball star. One had gained 80 pounds and the other just didn't age real well. Not to be mean. I just mean, 20 years ago as a freshman I would have been on cloud nine to be standing there talking with them and now it is like, they are nothing all that special...wish I had that knowledge as a teen-ager!
He got back last night from Canada. I hadn't talked to him at all since he left, then he called Friday night. I answered it from the bar beer garden, but couldn't really hear him. He seemed surprised I was out.
Last night he came over to watch a movie with Nathan and play with Sydney. After they were asleep he told me that he hadn't spoken to me about the petition b/c he didn't want anything he said to be said out of pressure or reaction. He wanted it to be his actual feelings. Long story short:
*He wants me, not her. He still has feelings for her, but decided he WANTS me. Not just that he ought to, should, its best for kids, etc etc. He wants to.
*He is drafting an email to be sent to her, with me cc'ed. He is going to give it to me tonight for approval before sending it.
*He knows he has to end it in no uncertain terms, telling her he chooses me. Anything less than directly telling her to leave him alone forever will not work. (i.e., telling her it is the best for everyone, he owes it to me or the kids, etc etc. That leaves her room to win him back)
*He is worried she will freak out, like last years' driving by our house blaring love songs. She has his work # so that is a concern of his. He will block her # from his cell but cannot change the work office phone...
*He still feels largely responsible for her financial situation but he knows that is something he will have to work through, feeling like he owes her.
*He misses me, wants to rebuild trust, intimacy, etc etc
After he shared, I told him I had been on Match.com and had a date set up. I wanted him to understand that is why I filed the petition. Because I am too young to be in limbo instead of being in love. He seemed taken back by it but said he understood. He said he knew why I filed, that at 34 I needed to move on with my life.
I was harsh. I explained to him that all throughout he had been getting ILYs, hugs, kisses, 'I miss you', etc. That I had been getting NOTHING for a year. That he thought he had been in pain and turmoil but he was getting his ego stroked by 2 women at the same time while I was...not. That I could not feel sympathy for his predicament knowing he was ML, flirting, etc with her the past several months while I was alone.
So that is where it stands. I am not dropping the petition, I haven't seen reason to at this point. But I will look at the e-mail when he shows it to me tonight.
Oh, and he admitted (duh) that last fall was at best a half-hearted attempt to reconcile on his end. He tried to say we were both going through the motions and I came down hard on him again. Called major b.s. on that one. He said that this time is different, he will put 100% of himself into rebuilding.
I asked if that were true why he was a dick last week when I asked why he hadn't done a no-contact with her. He said bc he was still working through feelings of guilt and being torn but that while he was in Canada he had an experience (too long to put here) where he wound up crying in public over something that reminded him of me and he realized he did still love me, had never stopped loving me, and wanted a future with me and not her.
I'm glad you had a great weekend. Your town definitely celebrates homecoming in a big way, one of the reasons to love the Midwest.
Re: Dan. He's lucky that he still has a choice to make and that you haven't permanently moved on. Keep on the offensive and operating from a position of strength. It seems to be the only way that works with him. I am hoping you get true reconcilliation this time. Don't take anything less than 100% - you deserve no less.
