Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Interesting quick conversation. Have to have surgery on a hernia. Got it after moving out. Called the W, who is expert on our insurance, to ask if there's a difference in two hospitals in terms of coverage. She said no, they are both PPO, and asked if that was it.

I would have thought she might at least ask why I'm having surgery.

Oh well. Funny thing is I'm feeling really good right now. Reading a lot of other situations on these boards has me feeling like I've come a long way.

Of course, it also might be because I have a fun weekend planned so my GALing is going well.

I wonder if I'll start falling apart the closer we get to the weekend I have the kids and she can go out bar hopping again?

[ClingingToHope]

Had D10 and D7 last night and they've been sick. Their coughing fits got progressively worse throughout the night so I messaged W that they shouldn't go to school.

She agreed and I stayed home with them -- for the second time this week since she was running the United Way campaign at her job -- and took them to the doctor. One has bronchitis, the other a bad cold that seeped into the chest.

The co-pay cost was $50 and the medicine was $80. Today was payday and I deducted $65 from the money I give the W every two weeks.

W comes and gets girls at 1:30 p.m. so I can go into work and not burn a sick day. She then asks if I can watch them Saturday morning through the early afternoon because she's been asked to work.

I'm playing in a fundraising kickball tournament so I tell her I can only watch them a couple of hours in the afternoon. She ends up pleading with her mom to watch them in the morning and the mom gives her a guilt trip.

I feel good about it. If I was still living at home, I would have canceled my being in the tournament because marriage is a partnership. Now? I don't live there. It's my weekend without them and I had plans. I can help for a couple of hours, but I've been looking forward to playing. Who knows who I'll meet there.

On her part, there was no wheedling or tone that I HAVE to help. She just asked and moved on and then called back to complain about her mom giving her the guilt trip.

Again, her tone is so matter-of-fact. If there's any anxiety in her about our situation, she doesn't let me see it.

[ClingingToHope]

Oh well, things change again. W is going in tonight to finish reports and doesn't need me tomorrow. I would have liked to see the girls, but I will at least by Monday. Maybe I can take them to church Sunday. No tension in her voice on the phone. A stressful work week is coming to an end. I was relieved to not be there this week having to take the brunt of it.

[ClingingToHope]

Trying to go a whole weekend without contacting W. Went out with friends last night -- for too long. Played in a kickball tourney and then a couple sets of tennis this morning and afternoon and am now catching up on DB site and Facebook.

Going to church with a friend tomorrow and may go out tomorrow (Sunday) night so all in all it's a good weekend.

Still, weird things stir up emotions. The friend I was playing tennis with has a daughter who is a freshman in high school. He told me she was asked to homecoming.

I started thinking about my D10. In four years, when she's a high school freshman, will I be "home" when she comes running in breathlessly to say she's been asked to homecoming? Or will I get a call after she's told her mom?

[ClingingToHope]

Well, couldn't go completely dark. D10 called about 9:30 p.m. to ask if I could go get breathrite strips for her. I wondered, but did not ask, why W couldn't go get them.

I'd turned down going out because I was tired from Friday so I went to Walmart and picked up the strips and dropped them off.

The family was having a "girls night out." They'd put a tent up in the living room and were watching movies. Ironically, that is my mother's tent and if we do D, I'll ask for that.

The W was dressed in painting clothes and didn't look like she wanted to be out in public. I guess that's why I got the call.

D7 kept asking me to stay, but I told her I couldn't.

It looks like W is preparing to paint the interior of the house. She's been wanting to do it for years. Of course, now she wants to sell it as well. She said she was probably going to paint it next weekend when I have the kids.

Then I left and headed to my apartment to get some sleep. I don't know what the DB rules on something like this are? I guess in my mind, I was available and I helped out my family.

[ClingingToHope]

Went the whole weekend without calling or texting W, so that was a positive. Of course, she didn't call me either, sigh.

She called this morning because D10 was balking at going to a daycare place today. Both D10 and D7 are off for parent-teacher conferences.

W called around this morning to see if she could go to a couple of other places, but people were either sick or unavailable and D-10 couldn't go to one place because she has bronchitis and they were worried she'd get others sick.

At that point she stopped talking, my guess is to see if I'd volunteer to stay home with them. I stayed home twice last week. I didn't say anything so W said she guessed she'd call in to work.

Had she asked I probably would have worked something out, but she didn't ask. In the past, I always took it upon myself to organize where the girls would stay on a day off from school, but that's not my job right now.

[hopeinwaiting]

Had she asked I probably would have worked something out, but she didn't ask. In the past, I always took it upon myself to organize where the girls would stay on a day off from school, but that's not my job right now.

Nope, not your job. I'm the caregiver type and really struggling with making sure I don't do things that are no longer my role. I really liked what my IC said about making sure that the dynamic during the separation not be the same as it was during the M.

Have a great week!!

[ClingingToHope]

Here's a question, how do you stay connected with your kids while trying to give W space and time.

My D10 and D7 don't have email or cell phones. To talk to them the weekends I'm not with them I have to call W. This weekend I didn't call at all -- although I did see them for 10 minutes Saturday night for another issue -- but I hate not talking to them every day.

[RedSoxFan]

Here's a question, how do you stay connected with your kids while trying to give W space and time.

This one is tough for me. We all use facebook and share stuff and play games, etc. I'm actually moving so that I can be in their school attendance zone so they can ride bus home to my house or I can run them for a a quick appointment, etc.

[Coach]

Here's a question, how do you stay connected with your kids while trying to give W space and time.

Set up a scheduled time for them to call you. When the schedule is hectic just txt your wife and say, "Calling in 5 mins to talk to the kids." Have a routine.