Well I called him to talk. He will call later. He said a few good things in his letter but ended it being on the defensive and saying how I sound like I believe he should spend the rest of his life trying to put the past behind us. In a way, I said that. He thinks it's too much I guess. Anyway, I will post later when he calls me. I will try not to give him an answer today. Just because John talked me into waiting K
This is some great reading...at some points (during the last five minutes), I felt like I had read this all before. You know, in or out....but there are some snippets that really hit home. Lodo's post resonates the most with me (maybe because I feel the same way about my XW). It is ALL about trust...if THAT is gone, than there is nothing. And I will add that it is easy to verbalize that you will be there for soemone but the ACTIONS are what count. Like Lodo's XW, mine also could not be counted on when she had to give slightly more than she received. That is what I will suggest to my daughter, look for a giver....look for actions not just words. Maria, do you think your stbXH will be there when you will need him in the future. I honestly thought so...because I did not see the signs....because I was in love and we were involved....because there is emotion. If he was able to do what he did in the past, the odds are pretty good that he will let you down in the future somehow. Just my opinion and if your heart wants another shot, who am I to judge? I gave my XW another shot.
By the way K, did you not learn anything from your weekend British visitors???? You should never act on impulse ..... sleep on it as much as possible...we latins are way toooo hot headed.....calma....calme...stay calm.....what do you have to gain? I had no clue I had this type of effect on you...in the future i will watch what i say ;-)
Well we talked. I cant really say all we said. He said the reason we are here now, is the affair. Straight forward. He said anything else was a poor excuse. He made things up as excuses to justify himself and gaslight me. He said he obviously put himself out there to get into an affair. He doesnt know exactly how it happened but it did and he is to blame for it. He fell in love and things escalated.
He said his actions are actions he is ashamed for and feels humiliated for doing. When I told him I kind of think we cant make it and dont want to try he asked me why. I tried to explain, probably confused him but did cry when I talked about the time he was here while hoping he was somewhere else. I told him that I am having a hard time thinking of being with someone I really dont respect as a human being although I dont doubt his intentions were not always bad. He was quiet.
I told him that what he said that he will not "expose" himself to such an "opportunity" again because he wont need to, because he wasnt happy, because he was miserable were all wrong answers to me. I told him "in your shoes, I would say to my wife that I had made a terrible mistake and that I loved her and I never want to hurt her again or risk loosing her and that's why there is no way this will happen again". He stunned me by saying he did say that in his words in his letter. Why didnt I read that? Maybe a man-woman thing? Who knows? Still not what I need.
He said he would do all he can to make me trust him if I would only be willing to be made to trust him. If I would give him a chance.
I asked him if he would tell me if she had contacted him or if he would be willing to show me cell records for example. He said "what if she came to me and I had told her again it is over, why would you want to know that?" I explained the theory of walls and windows for those of you familiar. He said he would tell me and he would provide his cell records.
It was more but nothing really big. I repeated to him I dont think I can try but I am going to sleep on it some more. K
Ali cant post from Paros but she wanted me to post something which I didnt understand
Both my kids have lice for the first time, YEAH!!!! Lucky mom!
What a hard position you are in! Why does he even ask for this now when you gave him so many chances before and he threw them all away? How do you know he won't throw this one away too? Why is it different?
And head lice! Argh! After you treat the children's heads you must also treat your rugs, sofas, pillows, interior of the car, everywhere their little heads may have touched. It's a great time to get a very short haircut for your son. But pulling those horrid little combs through a girl's long hair is miserable.
Uggghh on the head lice. We had an infestation at schoool last year, but my kids got lucky. I wonder if your kids got them at school. Hopefully you can get rid of them without too much trouble.
Many moons ago we did head lice with the older two. They were passed between the little caps they wore to school in England. Mechanically getting them, and all of the nits, out of their hair seemed to be more effective than chemicals. I don't remember the details, I think we forget unpleasant stuff!
