My only goal is to cheer on people to not give up no matter where they are in the process.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
see..I have issues with people who use religion this way for the simple fact that they have no idea why you are led to do what you do..they assume that God is leading you to stay in the M..when in reality..God may be leading you out of a situation that he feels you should not be in...
you know BBJ...beyond a shadow of a doubt that we wish that your M could be saved..personally..I think this is the only way that it can be saved.....and I continue to pray that it will be saved...
God doesn't lead you out of your covenant M and into a non covenant M. God doesn't lead someone to go cheat 55 times either. He doesn't lead people into sin.
Kerry,
I have quite a bit going on these days and I do not bother my W. There is enough on my plate to handle. But I don't stop loving her or praying for her and me to be reconciled. I don't stop praying for her to come out of adultery.
Whether or not I have gone effectively into C is a different issue. I have made many changes with how I act or react to anything my W says or does. Once in a while I will slightly test the waters only to find nothing has changed on her side. I take care of my responsibilities with my kids and with my life. Maybe it isn't the clear cut path that someone else would choose for me. But it is working for me.
I wish BBJ the best and at some point I pray that her H comes back to his senses and realizes what a great W he truly has.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 09/24/0906:43 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Bbj, the true issue for you and me and others that have been into this for such a long time, is finally decicing that it is time to accept that something broken will not be fixed. Yes, it could, and yes miracles happen, some of them even here, on this forum, but it sure is rare. You know our situations were not the same but not very different either. I am sitting here tonight wondering how much being a stuborn female, loosing a battle, accepting I am weak played a role in my situation. Reality is/has been looking at us in the eye and we just...closed ours.
Divorce sucks. I know, we all know. And we did all we could to avoid it. And guess what? It didnt work. We have no control over the outcome. Maybe it is indeed God's will, maybe it is our own bad choices of the past, but more than anything it is that our partners in life, had a different view of integrity and commitement. We cant affect that. If our kids and past didnt do it, our words wont. If the years together, memories, experiences didnt do it, our words wont. If the fact that we stood for almost 3 years, justifying, excusing, forgiving, loving those men, didnt do it, nothing will. Or maybe, like in my case, time will, but time doesnt wait for anyone. And sometimes, it's too late.
It's all in your head Bbj. You have been disrespected, lied to, used, fooled, left alone, yelled at, ignored, forgotten, replaced. Just like I was. And we were more than brave (or stupid ) to hold on to the idea and hope that things could change. Now you are making the braver decision to let go accepting the fact that this battle is lost.
You have nothing to second guess. I know alot of our mutual friends here, wanted to hit you with 2x4s at times, myself included, for allowing him to play games with you. It's just so common to be able to have a clear head when you are an outsider and have a completely different view when you face the situation.
I asked you what would you do, if God forbid your D was going thru this. What would you advise her with all teh love you hold in your heart for her? Follow your own advice.
Nothing changes with the D for you. You've been alone and lonely. You have your kids and you will have your kids. You have family, friends, your work. You didnt have Dan for quite some time. It's all in your head Bbj. K
There is a difference between standing and allowing yourself to be kicked around. BBJ, I don't post to you much, but I admire the H E double toothpicks out of you. I think you are tremendously strong, and know this has been a difficult decision.
But Kevin, let's not get religious zealot either. My paster says sometimes having faith means that you have no explanation for what is going on in your life, and may never. But you have faith that God is there every step of the way with you, through all good and all bad.
Would God want any one of us to continue? Maybe...but I feel if God wants it to be, it will be. Those are the marriages that survive. It could be that God has bigger plans for BBJ, and that one day they will be revealed. They may not involve her H.
I have faith that I am right where I am supposed to be. I have faith that if you do the work, you are right where you are supposed to be.
Faith.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
My paster says sometimes having faith means that you have no explanation for what is going on in your life, and may never. But you have faith that God is there every step of the way with you, through all good and all bad.
I agree with this.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
) to hold on to the idea and hope that things could change. Now you are making the braver decision to let go accepting the fact that this battle is lost.