Hey Kevin, I understand your confusion. Maybe you missed this post from BobbiJo where she lovingly tried to explain where her quest to reconcile her faith and soul searching led her.
From BBJ on the last page:
Quote:
Kevin, I have not done this lightly. I do not want to step on your beliefs. I have been to the Rejoice ministries website. It left me confused.
When I talked to my pastor (again) about my marriage six weeks or so ago, I mentioned the site. He said (in nicer terms) it was a bunch of crap. God does indeed HATE divorce however he allows it due to the hardness of men's hearts.
When you have a spouse who in continuing to live outside of God's will (adultery, porn, manipulation, etc), it is not loving to continue to be nice to them and let them live that way. Jesus had to get angry and throw over the tables in the temple, right? Sometimes, being nice is NOT being loving.
I also called the Christian authors of the "Boundaries" books, Cloud and Townsend. Look them up, Kevin. They are Christians. And they told me in no uncertain terms that the ONLY hope for my marriage is to file and force my H to face the consequences for his decisions. He may have true repentance, he may not. But "lovingly accepting" him this way will not help anything.
OK enough about that. I know my faith is so important to me, that I don't want to step on someone else's. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think that BBJ has been extremely heroic in her efforts to save this M. And it is her choice to make on whether or not she is going to pursue this D. I don't encourage it and I wish others on this site did not as well. I'm sure there are plenty of sites out there for people to go to if they are wanting encouragement on filing for a D.
I understand this will upset some people as some people unfortunately have no issue with D.
I think that BBJ is doing a tremendous job of doing everything she can to keep this M alive even with all the setbacks that have occured.
Sometimes I don't step in until I see someone starting to grow weary and tired and starting to cave to the D. Sometimes I may not have known their thread even existed until that point. But it doesn't really matter when someone steps in so much as what they are trying to do to help keep this stander still standing for what is sacred.
Obviously it isn't easy to keep putting up with setbacks. It never is. It is the challenge of a lifetime. It is entering the race and not giving up no matter what until the reward is yours.
BBJ,
As far as what your pastor told you about men's hardness of hearts, Moses allowed that because those men were killing their wives. It was better to save the lives of those wives than to not permit something that was clearly against God's teaching. As Jesus said later it was not like that in the beginning and it is no longer like that. Jesus reinstitued the laws of M. So I have to disagree with your pastor.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin, with all due respect to a fellow DBer, What is your point? Yes it is divorce Busting.....so, let me see your contribution to BBJ's busting attempts in the last couple of years has been..... still waiting....
Kevin, please!!! Bbj is going thru a lot of pain. She made a decision. Those who follow, know it hasnt been easy for her. Dont continue with this God thing. Maybe God made Dan cheat on her 55 times so that Bbj would finally see the light. Maybe God is wondering what took her so long, after all he put her Pastor in her way months ago... K
They are Christians. And they told me in no uncertain terms that the ONLY hope for my marriage is to file and force my H to face the consequences for his decisions.
DiDi,
I did read this. I disagree with that being the only way to salvage her M. Sometimes things just take longer than we would like them to. It can take many years to fix something like this. It requires great patience and faith and prayer. Look at the book of Hosea in the bible. It took years for that M to be restored. But God knew what he was doing and he did restore it. Some M's take longer than others. I don't know why that is. It just is. God has a much greater understanding than we do. All that He does is for the good of souls.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
all this is starting to border on a condition that I am quite familiar with..
my spidey sense is detecting an abnormal condition..
and I beleive there are pictures of said condition...
Mike, if you call ME batchitt I will slap ya silly. I hope/assume it wasn't directed at me...
OK now kids, play nice. Kevin and I share different perspectives. I know this is what I need to do. I hate it and it is hard as hell but it is what I need to do. Those of you with me from the beginning understand. If you don't understand, sorry, I tried to explain!
Ok back to regular programming. Putting one foot in front of the other today, taking it a day at a time for now. I will survive. I know that. I am just going to have to work on the 'thrive' part...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
This is a divorce BUSTING site right? Not a file for divorce site right? Just wondering.
Kevin
That it is Kevin. We all come here seeking support and advice as to how to save our marriage. But in reality, most that come here have their marriage fail in the end. But the support and advice helps to lesson the sting and to come out the other side in much better shape.
But there comes a point, where after DBing your butt off, that it is time to move on with your life because there is no hope or reason why the marriage should be saved.
Bobbi Jo has practiced the concepts in Michelle's books quite well. She has gotten side tracked some with maybe too many R talks, but that is understandable. Her H is Mr Wishy Washy. He is also somewhat like you in that he refuses to seek any sort of counseling for himself.
Kevin, you have done a real piss poor job yourself at DBing. You are a stubborn mule when it comes to taking advice from others that would give your marriage a chance. Praying to god to fix your marriage is not going to fix your marriage. You need to seek out a counselor who will help you to grow a spine and learn about tough love and boundaries. And to help you to detach.
There was another guy on here that refused to listen to the advice of others. And he had some of the best advisors in his threads just as you have. And he had many that got fed up that he refused to follow the DBing concepts. It might help you to check his threads out to see where you are headed with your sole focus on what your wife is doing...
Dear Kevin, I see that you disagree with her pastor and the authors' interpretations of God's wishes.
God may indeed have a greater understanding of His wishes than we do, including you. He may have wished Hosea's marriage be restored in years. He may wish that BobbiJo's be restored.
He may not.
Forgive me, but I do not believe you can speak for God.
