So BBJ, I know you mentioned C. Please do that. Do it for you and do it for the mother your kids need you to be. You would be surprised how much you are still affected by the D when you think you put it to rest. My D was final 10 months ago but I still feel raw sometimes about it. The C is helping with that as well as my own issues.
You go to a very large church don't you? With lots of resources? Do they have a C program? If not, I'm sure they can refer you to a good Christian counselor. That is how I found mine and I'm so happy to have someone who can listen to my lunacy but still guide me to keep to Christ's path for my life. It's a gentle balance.
Praying for you sweetie. I know how hard this is and how hard you fought.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
They are Christians. And they told me in no uncertain terms that the ONLY hope for my marriage is to file and force my H to face the consequences for his decisions.
DiDi,
I did read this. I disagree with that being the only way to salvage her M. Sometimes things just take longer than we would like them to. It can take many years to fix something like this. Kevin
Kevin,
So, even though Dan is an abuser, BBJ should stand for her M? She should continue to be berated, put down, yanked around, and possibly subjected to life-threatening diseases from her repeatedly cheating H? She should show her daughter that this is how a man should treat a woman? Because if she continues to take it from him, her D will, indeed, grow up with that model of relationships as her ideal.
You may make whatever choice you wish for your own life and M, but BBJ has, not at all lightly, made a choice for her own life.
And to quote Dr. Phil, how's that working for you Kevin?
God does not require victimhood or martyrdom from people. Suffering does not make you a Christian.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
"God may be leading you out of a situation that he feels you should not be in.
Quote:
God doesn't lead you out of your covenant M and into a non covenant M. God doesn't lead someone to go cheat 55 times either. He doesn't lead people into sin
This is exactly right. God hates divorce. no matter what. But unless we all agree that the Bible is the "rulebook", then arguing about it doesn't change anything. It's like abortion. Unless everyone believes that the life begins at conception, or that it doesn't, you can't argue it.
But as a christian, and believe in the Bible, it says let no man break apart what God has joined together. God only gave a declaration of divorce to moses because of their hardened hearts.
Of course I have not kept up with this thread, and in fact, I've only posted once when I thought I heard things were reconciling, so I do not know what has happened since. I am not for letting someone continue to commit adultery over and over, but I do believe that everyone can change. I believe that whole-heartedly and I believe that everyone has their own "time-frame" to which they may do this. And although we can't make anyone change, we have a lot of influence on whether they will make the choice to or not.
Everyone has to make the choice to continue fighting for their spouse (which is what I believe God does call us to do) or to give up fighting for their spouse. We are all human, and though I would love to see everyone fight till the end, I understand that it is a difficult road.
Just because someone doesn't file for D though, doesn't mean they are letting their children see them being treated wrong and their children will grow up doing the same thing. It is about boundaries and consequences, and sticking to them. It may mean that he is not allowed to live there unless he does such and such, or whatever it may be. But when she makes these boundaries out of respect for herself, this shows her children healthy behavior.
anyways, sorry I don't know the full story, and I will continue to pray for all those here that are fighting. I know it is extremely difficult, it is one of the most difficult experiences, but we can all come out of this better people for us and for our families.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
