My #1xH H and now good friend was at the Burning Man thing, out in the desert somewhere. He went last year and went again this year. I must ask him if he was in gold stretch pants as well... I think he would be more in animal print but you never know...
So, you had some action!! Good for you Lodo!!! (pfff I sound straved, dont I? pathetic ) K
from the dry season to one of juggling dating schedules ... How did that happen? And am still laid off and haven't even started looking for a job. Foolish? Procrastinator? Or wise to enjoy the unexpected time off with severance?
Desert woman ended up having LOTS of baggage/issues from past Rs. I took it as a sign of how far I've come that I kept a certain distance. We're getting together again this weekend and I'll see how she is outside the desert. For my part, I am low key - I can handle a lot, accept a lot, but won't take on someone else's sh*t.
Hopefully will have another date soon with adventure woman - haven't mentioned her yet, but she and I had dinner and I think there's mutual interest. She's pretty outgoing and seems up for just about anything, which is my style. We've been acquainted for a few years but just hadn't acted on it.
A co-worker also expressed interest. She's amazing and I'd love to be with her, but she reminds me so much of XW that it's scary. I feel like if I pursued, it would only end in the same kind of heartache, but she's so amazing that I'd be a fool not to try. Hmm.... Don't know how to handle this one at all.
Lastly, met a tremendous woman, had lunch, and we seemed to hit it off. But since then, circumstances have conspired to keep us from getting together again. Pursue or not? Something inside tells me she might be the best of the bunch.
In the midst of all this, XW has suddenly reappeared - do I want to go to a concert with her? Would I like to have dinner? WTF?! She came over the other night for work stuff and ended up gossiping about her best friend. Her friend is trying to maintain a R but is having some problems. XW was disparaging of the efforts; I kept my mouth shut. Later, XW emailed and said she'd been flippant and hadn't given credit to her friend and her friend's BF for their efforts. I'm glad she gave them credit, but why would she say that to me of all people? Because I know how little she tried to save her own long-term R/M? As I'm sure you could guess, I had a million replies, though I wisely didn't say a single one.
So, life is suddenly very strange. And guess what tomorrow marks? My 1-year anniversary of the big D. Hurray for me. At least when I look back at my journal, I see how far I've come. Not that it's stable, but at least I keep moving forward. That's all that matters, moving forward.
Desert Woman, Adventure Woman, Amazing Co-Worker Girl, Tremendous Woman, and last but not least, Hypocrite Ex Wife? Dude, your life is starting to sound like a Marvel comic book and you are "Dr Lodo - Leader of the X-Women".
I need to be like you and M from Tennessee and start coming up with cool names for women I date. I've got BiomedicalChickenResearchOwnerLady and MultiRestaurantOwnerLady. I think a NoStringsAttachedSexLady might be what is needed for me now.
All jesting aside, it seems like you are getting along just great (except for being still laid off). One thing of caution I think is to try to avoid comparing each one to one another. Take your time and enjoy good conversation with the opposite sex. Eventually, you will find one where the both of you just click and fall in love. Dont forget to keep some trusting relationships with men.
Would you say, that having gone through the heartbreak and DBing, that you have come out the other side with a much better perspective on relationships and that you are a much improved Lodo?
I'm getting along okay. I'm not at all where I want to be - still have demons to slay, though no one else would know that.
You're right about trying not to compare, though it's hard for me not to do so. I haven't had a R yet since D so am still trying to accept new women for who they are rather than my XW.
Interesting you mention R with men. Why? I have to admit that I don't have many friendships with the guys around here. Most of them spend all their time working and won't go do stuff. I think older guys have a really hard time making new friends.
I don't think I'm out the other side yet, but I'm getting there. I definitely have a much better perspective on relationships, but I also feel like I had a pretty good one to start with. I was always willing to compromise where my XW insisted on having her way. In the long run, I think I'm more capable of handling a R than my XW. The difference is that now I will pay more attention to the red flags. And try to stay truer to myself so I don't end up depressed.
I have to admit that I don't have many friendships with the guys around here. Most of them spend all their time working and won't go do stuff. I think older guys have a really hard time making new friends. lodo
I am in the same boat. I used to have a guy friend that I did a lot with (backpacking, sailing, mountain climbing), but both he and I have kids which keep us busy. I do have a couple guys at work that I talk to concerning various guy things about relationships with women.
I'm so happy for you Lodo! It sounds like you've been having good times. I think it's good you're just kind of slowly wading in the dating pool it sounds like. Not jumping in over your head or whatever. I bet one of those women will just suddenly click at some point for you and hard to know which one. I've only had 2 ltr's so I don't know much, but both were friends and I was surprised when it turned into more than that. I would never have guessed ahead of time.
I was thinking today your X I bet could have written that awesome article you posted last month, you know about the D women who had regrets. I think she has them now, and will get even more so in the future.
Speaking of making friends, has anyone tried the meetup groups? I looked online and they seem to have tons of different groups--I was thinking about trying those out after the D. Not just the singles ones, but for me book club or something like that.
Most of my guy friends are back where I used to live. I still talk to them quite a bit and usually try to get together with them at various times during the year. Always look forward to that.
Hi Karen! I've been having fun but also feel sometimes like I'm back in high school. I've gone to a few meetups. It's like anything else - some people are cool, some fade into the background, and others are jerks. I still prefer meeting people via circumstance. But meetups are fun to get you to try new things. You don't have to wait for the D - it isn't a singles scene unless that's what you want. A lot of the groups are just people looking for others to do things with, make new friends, etc.
bit of an update. feeling a little isolated these days but am a month away from finishing my grad degree so just need to stick with it. Haven't bothered looking for a job because there aren't many out there and need to spend the time writing my thesis.
spent day with old friend and XW yesterday. Bit of an eye-opener for me. This was the second time XW and I have done something together in 2 years - she always refused after the bomb because she only wanted to spend time on her PhD (and with OM/fellow researcher).
We still had the usual great interactions but I've gotten really good at not sharing myself during those talks. Bit weird because she made A LOT of inferences about our life together - not in a I-want-to-be-back-together way but just in a matter of fact way. I have tended to push all that out of my mind. Can't see any real reason to reminisce - you feel nostalgia when you're sharing with good friends, not XWs.
Anyway, I realized that I would never want the life she has now, but could see how much she enjoys that life. She spends most her time on her career and a broad network of acquaintances, while I concentrate on personal time and a few deep friendships. I'm very glad for her, and I miss her, and wish it could have worked out. And wish I was in a better place myself. But now I can really say that the D wasn't anyone's fault, it was just who we were. I'm not driven by a career and she'll never compromise herself for the good of a relationship. Still don't think I can be friends, but I surely can continue being friendly.
Have enjoyed being a scrounge this summer, am not looking forward to fall/winter and less daylight, and really need to get all my good post-bomb eating/exercise routines back. But it'll happen. I know that now. Feel a bit like the D and the layoff gave me a double-whammy, but when I could have easily sunk into a massive MLC as a result, I haven't. There's a spark inside all of us just waiting to be rekindled.
)