Understood, but nearly everyone in these situations DOES let it hit them in the self-worth department...hard! And the question remains...how does one get their self-worth built back up after being blatantly rejected like LBS are?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Understood, but nearly everyone in these situations DOES let it hit them in the self-worth department...hard! And the question remains...how does one get their self-worth built back up after being blatantly rejected like LBS are?
For me, it was about rebuilding a pretty battered self esteem. No doubt that your confidence has taken a huge hit. Question is whether you are going to let it knock you out or are you going to get back up off the mat and push on?
So, for me, I rebuilt a newer, stronger self esteem by:
-getting back into shape (I recall you ride a lot, so that should not be a problem for you) -taking pride in how I looked - I was not a sloppy dresser before, but now, I take a little more time in dressing right. You can still look nicely dressed in even a pair of jeans. -reading "Learned Optimism" by Martin Selingman. -Focusing on my R with my kids. -flirting with women every chance I get. -Smiling at strangers as I pass them by and saying hello -striking up conversation with strangers (waiting in the grocery line, at the dry cleaner or the bank -when I am around children, I act like them - play and talk to them like you are a child. -Stopped worrying about what my W might do/say/not do/not say -Stopped worrying about my W's reaction to what I may do/say. Instead, I do what I think is the right thing to do. -Realized that there are many, many other women out there who are (a) nicer and (b) better looking than my W (Still love my W). Thus, even if I end up D'd, my like isn't over and I'll be just fine, thank you. -Got back in touch with my religion.
So, I don't know what the answer for you will be. These are what did it for me.
Understood, but nearly everyone in these situations DOES let it hit them in the self-worth department...hard! And the question remains...how does one get their self-worth built back up after being blatantly rejected like LBS are?
It's hard. real hard. For me, more and more I just do. Something. Anything. Gima's personal examples (above) are good ones. Baby steps. Small successes. Each one makes ya feel a bit good about yourself and what you're made of and who you are. Mine began as simple as getting back to hiking again, meditating again, exercising again. Intermittently at first, but then more regularly because I wanted to again. A whole series of almost insignificant "feel goods" eventually add up to one big, "Ya know, I'm feeling pretty damn good about myself. I remember this guy". Least that's the way I've been workin' it. *Quit Update* 17 Days as a non-smoker! End Quit Update*
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
My self-esteem is pretty battered. Db'd like a mofo, got stronger in many ways, and did hope I'd get a second chance. I don't. So, it rocked me hard. My confidence has taken a big hit...I want to get back up and push on.
-I'm in really good shape now (riding has been a Godsend for me) -I take pride in how I look now more than ever -tell me about this book please -I'm better with my little kids now more than ever -never did this while I was married. Now that she's divorcing me...well, I've been out of the game for a long time -I've been doing this and it makes me feel good -I've been doing this too, again, it makes me feel good -I enjoy playing with the kids and their friends too -this is something that's easier said than done, but it's something I have to start doing more of...just don't know how -see above -hard for me, right now, to wrap my head around this; I know there are a lot of nice looking women out there... -it's like battlefield promises and prayers, and I'm more in touch with my spirituality too
I don't feel like my life is over, but it's sure F'd up right now. We're getting divorced, and it doesn't feel it'll be fine on down the line.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I understand antlers. This whole process takes a very heavy toll on one's self-confidence.
"Learned Optimism" is a great book. Coach actually recommended it to me. It teaches you how to change your perspective and attitude from being pessimistic to optimistic. It also explains how people become depressed - essentailly it is the product of "learned helplessness."
I think the quicker you realize there are other fish in the sea (and I'm not saying you have to hop back in the saddle before you're ready), the sooner you will be able to let go of your W.
It feels good to be wanted and popular. Get out there and find that. It IS there for the taking.
