I vote give him another chance but be up front as Ali suggested....but it is your life and your decision. I am the not an example of how to do this right!!
I know it isn't enough to be the reason, but if my H acted like he truly wanted to try again (including the affection you are getting, I haven't had a real hug or kiss in sooooooooo long), I would let the door open to seeing what happened. But I am a sucker for my kids and what they want (their family together) so I don't think clearly...
How have you been apart from H? Have you worked on your 'fall line' of jewelry??
Hey K.. came to check on you this morning.. Kimmie, with respect, theres kind of no point taking such a rational approach.."So what their Mum/Dad died? That doesnt excuse their behaviour, therefore I'm not willing to take them back." If that was the line we all took here, this forum would be empty. In fact, 'normal' people, who dont DB and just move on from a relationship when it ends () probably WOULD take that attitude. But for some reason, those of us who found DBing decided to give our spouse the benefit of the doubt that they didnt really mean to hurt, betray and abandon us and still love us deep down.. they were just having a bit of a brain fart !!!
Seriously, as I said, its not an excuse, me and bf were just trying to say that SOME people do react badly to death in that they externalise their grief and act out, rather than actually deal with it.
Not only do people of character NOT react to tragedy in their life by choosing to violate sacred vows they made...
...they also don't choose to lie about it for several years...
...they also don't do their level best to convince the suspicious spouse that they are losing their mind with false accusations...
This is amazing to me. As much as I am a supporter of marriage, this support for a man who has wreaked so much havoc and brought so much damage is a complete surprise to me.
On the other hand, my guess is that some of you would be encouraging K in ANY relationship that she would be considering right now. Honestly now, if K were deciding whether or not to jet off to NY to explore a relationship with a new person, wouldn't some of you be encouraging her every bit as strongly?
See, I don't think some folks here are exactly pro-K's husband and second chances. I think they just want you to be happy and in a relationship again.
I could be wrong. If so, my apologies.
The man has shown his TRUE colors. It's up to you now K to decide whether or not you're willing to step up to the bar again with him, knowing what you now know about him.
In my opinion, there are too many decisions made based upon being afraid of leaving the known and moving into the unknown. The unknown rarely turns out to be as scary as we make it out to be.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
The absolute LAST thing I ever thought about my situation, or anyone elses situation was that their lying, adulterous, cheating, abusive, abandoning spouse had had a brain fart.
Talk about minimizing....
Amazed....
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Hey Bworl... no, in fact, K may have noticed, but I've been very muted and non commital on the "new york" issue and certainly not encouraged that. As for examples like this..
I certainly do NOT advocate my friends just get into or stay in any relationship regardless. I have been imploring my sister for 18 months to let go of a man I believe is no good for her, eventhough at 42, that may mean she loses her last chance to have a child by having to start over single. Even with that, I'd rather she left than stay in an R with someone that has lied to her and has a personality disorder.
We have our friends G and Cher who are engaged, and he has been seeing a woman behind her back (now ended) and says he is in a mess and needs time..well in that case, I do NOT believe she should stay with him and have not encouraged her to, I have encouraged her to get out and enjoy life and let him go.
I lived with a man for 3 years and he had a one night stand and some other things.. I threw him out. He begged for another chance, I said no. When he once came to my house to confront me, I called the police to have him removed. I'm no pushover and I wasnt afraid to draw a line in the sand in that case.
I look at each case individually and K afterall is still here saying she is prepared to wait and see for a little while longer.. I think that was said a page or two ago. And I support her in that.
If K told me she was done with her H and didnt love him, I would be in support of proceeding with a D, if thats what she wanted. I agree he has behaved abominally and lied beyond what is acceptable. BUT, I believe there is a strong soul connection between them (there isnt with G and Cher and my sisters bf is bad news).. and I feel its worth hearing him out at least and not just for the sake of the children (although having kids together does add gravitas to the situation and perhaps you would try harder than an unmarried, childless couple to see if reconciliation is possible).
I guess I just have the capacity for huge forgiveness, WHEN it may be appropriate.
I said to K here before and on the phone, all humans are flawed, some more than others and her H certainly is. Very flawed. The "brain fart" thing was just a joke.
The question still remains, from me, John, Kerry, FG... it all depends on what you REALLY want and if you still love him.. and so far K, you're not answering that one !
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
- LOL!