I love the smell of napalm in the morning...., nothing like a good in or out debate! Just the fact that the question has not been answered is cause for alarm if you are rooting for reconciliation. I have given my opinion on this for the last few weeks during some private sessions....however, I am one of those who would encourage K to be happy. In or Out can be debated but at the end of the day, K will have to lead...that is more than obvious. So...although I am probably on the conservative "he will do it again" side, I would not want to have my ex spouse decide she wanted another chance..... Anyhow that was a hell of a fart and obviously K's husband dirtied his undies a little. Wonder if he would be still denying were it not for K's detective work? Wonder if he has done this type of thing before? Wonder if I will ever understand a post from FG?
Not only do people of character NOT react to tragedy in their life by choosing to violate sacred vows they made...
...they also don't choose to lie about it for several years...
...they also don't do their level best to convince the suspicious spouse that they are losing their mind with false accusations...
This is amazing to me. As much as I am a supporter of marriage, this support for a man who has wreaked so much havoc and brought so much damage is a complete surprise to me.
Thank you Bill, for having the balls to say it up front. Over and over here, it's the same old thing, the story of the Emperor's New Clothes:
Quote:
An emperor of a prosperous city who cares more about clothes than military pursuits or entertainment hires two swindlers who promise him the finest suit of clothes from the most beautiful cloth. This cloth, they tell him, is invisible to anyone who was either stupid or unfit for his position. The Emperor cannot see the (non-existent) cloth, but pretends that he can for fear of appearing stupid; his ministers do the same. When the swindlers report that the suit is finished, they dress him in mime. The Emperor then goes on a procession through the capital showing off his new "clothes". During the course of the procession, a small child cries out, "the emperor has no clothes!" The crowd realizes the child is telling the truth. The Emperor, however, holds his head high and continues the procession.
The colloquial use as a metaphor:
Quote:
The story has given rise to its common reference as a metaphor in numerous situations. Most commonly, the statement "the emperor has no clothes" is used to refer to a situation in which (at least in the opinion of those using the phrase) the majority of people are unwilling to state an obvious truth, out of fear of appearing stupid, unenlightened, sacrilegious, or unpatriotic, or perhaps out of "political correctness". In such cases it is often implied that the motive and rationale for not seeing the obvious truth has become so ingrained that the majority do not even realize that they are perpetuating a falsehood.
Again, thank you Bill. As it stands, Kalni takes a HUGE risk to take this man back right nowor if at all.
Kalni, your H is a NOT a man of integrity and I disagree with most of the advice here to take him back as it stands.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
John210....you seem very reality-based. In the words of Carrie on Sex In The City" I like-ee".
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Carrie? You are kidding right? She had an affair with a married man, he cheated on her, left her, went back, left her again the day of their wedding and ....
Where are you in this picture? I clung to my marriage based on fear, a need for security even though it was over from my former spouse's perspective. I didn't want the shame of divorce, feeling like I was lacking/bad.
Are you still in counseling? Sometimes having an unbiased professional can help you on this rocky process.
Have you considered that success stories come from spouses intent on making a point, an either/or statement. Think of g-Force. His spouse was gung-ho about the other guy. Yet when he was committed to moving out of state and starting his life over she woke up. Through her consistent positive ACTIONS she helped revitalize the marriage. And G had grown in the process. They both worked together for a common goal.
You and your spouse have not been husband and wife for many a year. If he wants a relationship with you, it's back to square one... talking over coffee outside of your house, your family. A date. Learning about each other bit by bit. Actions over time.
Right now you have words and better hugs along with knowledge of hurtful lies and behavior. He doesn't get a free pass because he woke up with his contrition once his actions were revealed to the light of day.
Take the hook out of your mouth. Resist the bait because you are not a fish. You are a beautiful, passionate, incredible woman. Tell him to start at square one. That you will continue with the divorce but that he has an opportunity to get to know you, you to get to know him and begin again without instant intimacy.
No guarantees. No apologies. An opportunity for action in his court. With respect, caring and anticipation. If it works, then keep going at babysteps. If it doesn't, it doesn't.
Anyhow that was a hell of a fart and obviously K's husband dirtied his undies a little.
Yeah, definitely more of shart!
K, you know how everyone here feels about you. You know we all love you and want you to be happy but I think we see you limboing longer than could be healthy. You're going to break your back that way! No one is encouraging you to rush your decision, but I think we're all hoping you are working through the decision and not just holding out making a stand out of fear.
Like Bill said, the fear we build up over the unknown is usually unfounded and blown out of proportion.
((((((((Maria)))))))))))
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Agree Gyps....as a matter of fact, I told K a while ago that if I could do one thing over again, it would be that piecing would begin with dating. When you move back in quickly, it is easier to go back to old habits... There are no sure things in our journeys....just live and learn I guess.
