A Crossroads

[Can it work]

Well, I did end up telling her parents but it was only out of concern and for the fact that they can keep a closer eye on the welfare of Wee Man than I can. I have no idea what goes on behind closed doors but they can come and go any time they please. They were very grateful for me telling them and said they would have a word with her. They also promised not to say any of the information came from me which means we shoudl still hopefully get on ok.

I've decided to tell her tonight when I pick up wee man that I've been hearing some pretty horrible stories about her and that since I still care about her I'm worried about her getting hurt. I'm not going to be judgemental about it. Hopefully she'll take it in the right way. From what her parents told me, she's pretty disgusted in herself for the way she was acting at the weekend. Maybe this will help her start to grow up a little and start acting a little more responsibly. I've accepted the fact that we're not getting back together but I don't want to see her spiral down a road to self destruction. I'm not sure there will ever be a time when I don't love her and I only want her to be happy.

Kev

[MsMelancoly]

Good to hear you took some action. I hope it works out ok.

[Can it work]

I've had an unusual couple of days since I last posted. I never managed to talk to my W about Saturday night when I picked Wee Man up on Tuesday because her friend was there.

Wee Man had a bad night on Tuesday night so I let my W know on Wednesday morning. She asked me to keep her posted through the day and let her know how he settled on Wednesday night. Well, once he'd settled on Wednesday night I gave her a call to let her know. We then discussed his birthday party next week and how we were going to work it. I also managed to bring up the whole Saturday night issue and she is definitely disgusted herself for how she was acting. She's determined not to let it happen again. I'm confident that she's genuine in this.

Last night, as I was coming home from work, I met my W walking down toward her house carrying Wee Man after picking him up from the child minder. I stopped and offered them a lift. She was more than happy to accept and was very happy and chatty in the car. When she was getting out she asked if I was coming down on Saturday and what time I was coming and told me she looked forward to seeing me then.

It's strange but I'm starting to see flashes of my old W again. I had completely given up any hope of reconcilliation because of the way she was but I'm beginning to wonder if I was giving up too easily? Maybe it's not time to write it off completely just yet. After all, I'm not seeing anyone else, I'm enjoying my life so far as I can and her new bf is no more. I'll not sit here and get my hopes up or nothing like that but it may be worth opening some DB channels again while she's actually being receptive to contact at the very least. We have to spend the day together at Wee Man's birthday with both our families present. It will be the first time we've been together for a whole day since she left. I think the way I act is going to be very important.

Kev

[JCJ]

HI Kev

Glad to hear of the new developments. I would say, remember to do what works. Remember what Michelle says about getting keen if they make positive moves. I say this as I am so guilty of it myself!

Good luck!

J

[MsMelancoly]

I agree, those are nice developments. Play it cool, Kev. Have a wonderful weekend with Wee man!

[Can it work]

Thanks Julia and MsM for your comments.

Julia, I am trying to keep myself grounded at this point. The last thing I want is to get my hopes up only to be dashed again the next time something goes wrong. The way I see it, the things my W does still affects me greatly and I know I still love her with all my heart. However, I'd gotten to the stage of trying self-preservation in an attempt to stop things affecting me so much. I'd convinced myself that there was never going to be any hope for us and I had to find someone else to move on. The fact is that I found this difficult because, in my mind, nobody compared to my W. This new positive side to her hasn't given me hope as much as stopped me giving up quite so soon. It's only been 9 months since we separated so in the grand scheme of things it could still be seen as early days. She's been out obviously trying to rediscover herself but seems to have frightened herself with the reality of what life was going to throw at her.

My plan now is to stay semi-distant but remain supportive. I'll be the best dad I possibly can be and let her see that as much as possible. In the mean time I need to have as much fun in life as I possibly can in finding my own way. I want her to see my life as something to be admired so that she wants to be a part of it again. It's going to be a very slow process but for the moment it's the way I truly feel my heart is going.

I've read in a few sitch's here that men give up much earlier than women when confronted with a WAS. I don't for a minute believe my W is anywhere near ready to come home but I have to do what I can to at least make her start seeing home as an option once again.

I'll do my best to have a good weekend MsM although I'll only be seeing Wee Man for a short part of it since it's my W's weekend with him. I'm going past tomorrow morning to take him swimming but that's as far as it goes so far. My W and I will probably end up speaking for a bit to sort out some more details of his birthday but I'm going to keep it short so as not to try too much, too soon.

I hope everyone following my thread has a good weekend too.

Kev

[MsMelancoly]

Hey Kev, How's it going with you? How did Wee man's b'day turn out?

[Can it work]

Hi MsM, thanks for keeping an eye on my post. I realise I've not been on for a while and I need to increase my visits a bit.

Wee Man's birthday went really good. Everyone got on from both families and there was no ill feeling. Wee Man himself got completely spoiled rotten! It was a good day but I think my MIL described it best. She texted me after the party to thank me for putting everything aside for Wee Man. She also said that as nice as it was, it also felt very unreal. If anyone had been at the party who hadn't known my W and I were separated they would've been forgiven for thinking that nothing was wrong. It's not as though there was any physical contact between us but we were both sharing the hosting duties and mingling with people from both sides. It was upsetting for me since I wished it could be that way all the time. I'm even less convinced it's ever going to happen now though.

Last week, my W told me that she has yet another boyfriend. She's had been seeing him a couple of weeks and thought it was serious. The worst thing about it was that since this new guy was such a big part of her life she wanted him to become a big part of Wee Man's life. I told her that I thought it was too soon to be sure and that she should wait a bit before involving our son. Not sure how much notice she took though. I guess I'm just going to have to accept it for what it becomes.

I'm at the stage now where I would like nothing more than the ability to wave a magic wand and stop myself loving her. I can't though. No matter how much pain she causes me and how miserable I feel every day about my sitch, I just can't stop praying that some day she comes back to me. That's even with the sensible side of me knowing that I could never live with what my W has become. It makes no sense and it's tearing me up inside. I just want to be able to move on but don't know when or if that is ever going to happen. I could never be with anyone else knowing that I still have feelings like this for my W. It just feels as though she's loving life at the moment and it seems so unfair. She walked out and called everything off but she's living the high life now. I know this makes me sound very defeatest but I can't help it. I've got a life and am enjoying the things I'm doing now not to mention the fact that I'm loving the time I get with Wee Man. I just don't think I have enough to fill the gap my W has left though. I just want it to go away!

Kev

[MsMelancoly]

Hey Kev, I'm happy to hear that Wee man's b'day went so well. I'm sure it felt totally surreal.

Isn't that the catch 22 - not wanting your spouse or x, how they are & yet not interested in finding someone else. Those feelings roll around inside me as well, especially after spending an enjoyable time with them.

Keep pushing forward!

[Can it work]

You're completely right MsM about Wee Man's birthday feeling surreal. It also felt good though. And right if thatm akes sense. That's what it should be like. The only person not wanting it lilke that is my W. Not a lot I can do to change that at the moment though.

Today's a hard day. It would be a very happy one had circumstances been different. It should be my 3rd wedding anniversary. Instead, I'll be collecting Wee Man after work and I imagine my W will be going out for a meal with her bf. At least one of us will get out for dinner for the anniversary!

Truth be told, I'm not as bothered about her and her bf as I once was but it's still hard to think of him taking my place in what was pretty much everything I ever wanted in life. I know he'll never be Wee Man's dad but he very well may just get everything else I held dear in my marriage. That's a bitter pill to swallow.

We can only go onwards though. What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger and all that nonsense!

Kev