MsR2C made this statement about a month ago "I don't think it's in the best interest of the kids to let them stay at your house any more often than is required." and refuses to allow S8 an overnight with me during her parenting time.
Here is another boundary for me:
Quote:
That is exactly my point. When it comes to our children, your personal dislike of me gets in the way of what is best for them. I am all about doing what is right for our kids, and am glad to sacrifice some of my parenting time to support your decisions that you have made for our children.
That is why I have brought up the rigid - flexible parenting discussion with you. We can be flexible, which in turn helps our children, or we can be rigid, which helps nobody.
I understand that you dislike me, thats a given. However, that does not change the fact that I love my children (as I know you do) and I am a good parent. My requests, when it comes to our children, should be given the same weight and thoughtfulness that you are asking me to give on your decisions that affect my parenting time with our children.
I have been flexible in the past, church, sports, etc. I stand ready to be flexible in the future. Again, I understand your dislike for me, but that does NOT disqualify me from loving , caring, and being a good parent for our children. When my thoughts, suggestions and parenting style are continually under attack by you, there is no reason to work with you.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Your response is exactly what I am talking about. It had nothing to do with the topic of mutual flexibility or rigidity. Your continued and unchecked anger stops you from having any ability to be thoughtful or contemplative about my input and suggestions regarding our children. It is disheartening and discouraging for me to continually be expected to support you when you never support me. My actions are based on that occurrence. I have grown weary of waiting for you to find the happiness and freedom you felt the divorce would give you. My parenting style will always be different from yours. That does not make it wrong. That does not make your parenting style wrong. They are just different. My feeling is until you can start showing some respect for me and the requests of our children regarding me, I am no longer obligated to try and support your decisions that affect my parenting time.
Again, I stand ready to be flexible and support your parenting style.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Man, this is the dream team right here! Thank you all for sticking around and keeping us informed. R2C, I've been learning from you since your bomb. My stbx has recently traded her anger in for joy, which is unnerving. She recently got everything she wanted from mediation and I feel like she's dancing on my grave. I should probably re-frame that one. Thanks again for the lessons on boundaries. It took me two years to figure out what "as if" meant. Now for some boundaries...
Actually, stbx is hoping to get some help from my therapist on co-parenting. I'm pretty sure she isn't questioning her style. I think I will study this page before entering that discussion. Carry on.
Me 41 W 39 d7, s4 M 13 Bomb ILYBNILWY November 28th, 2007
MsR2C made this statement about a month ago "I don't think it's in the best interest of the kids to let them stay at your house any more often than is required." and refuses to allow S8 an overnight with me during her parenting time.
Here is another boundary for me:
Quote:
That is exactly my point. When it comes to our children, your personal dislike of me gets in the way of what is best for them. I am all about doing what is right for our kids, and am glad to sacrifice some of my parenting time to support your decisions that you have made for our children.
That is why I have brought up the rigid - flexible parenting discussion with you. We can be flexible, which in turn helps our children, or we can be rigid, which helps nobody.
I understand that you dislike me, thats a given. However, that does not change the fact that I love my children (as I know you do) and I am a good parent. My requests, when it comes to our children, should be given the same weight and thoughtfulness that you are asking me to give on your decisions that affect my parenting time with our children.
I have been flexible in the past, church, sports, etc. I stand ready to be flexible in the future. Again, I understand your dislike for me, but that does NOT disqualify me from loving , caring, and being a good parent for our children. When my thoughts, suggestions and parenting style are continually under attack by you, there is no reason to work with you.
What does "her parenting time" mean?
Is that when she has them?
What is your current custody arrangement?
Does she have them most of the time, do you share them 50% of the time?
We have joint custody (50/50 parenting time). All three kids are with me for 1 week (my parenting time), then with MsR2C for 1 week (her parenting time).
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
"I'm really sorry you feel that way. You're an adult, and I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you with absolute certainty (looking him dead in the eyes) that I cannot remain married to someone that would put a friendship ahead of their wife. Looks like we both have some decisions to make."
And then you refuse to move along with the marriage until the issue is resolved, one way or another.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I'd like to find the thread that the above quote re: putting friendship ahead of spouse came from. I really need to set a boundary that let's my wife know that her friendship with the same person that she had an PA with cannot continue if she expects me to do ANYTHING more for her. She left 2.5 weeks ago and is living with a friend. Although she claims that the physical incident only happened once, and they have been simply friends since that time, I don't feel that I can ever completely trust her until she cuts off all contact with him...particularly after I found out she was still secretly in contact with him months after I found out they had sex and I had asked them both to discontinue any contact.
This is one of many boundaries that I need to enforce, with the issue of my continued financial support coming right behind it. I don't know if I should use the cutoff of all financial assistance as the consequences of her decision to choose contact with OM over our marriage/R or not.
"I'm not ready for this sort of thing." - Adam Duritz
