"You know, I was thinking about our conversation yesterday, and it occurred to me that I never said 'thank you' for being so honest with me when I asked if OM was respecting your wishes. That's huge, and I really appreciate you being so honest and transparent with me. I also think it's huge that you saw thru his 'closure' bullchit, and instead just did the e-mail. (pause) You know, you're probably the best catch he ever had, and speaking as a guy, he's probably NOT going to just go away quietly. Do you think that maybe ______ (the third party you have in mind), or someone else, could return his book, and handle any future contact for you? It would probably help you put all this behind you."
My two cents is, whatever you decide to do on this particular matter, beware of getting into/back into a pattern where you're afraid to bring up possibly-contentious subjects because "things are going so well". Tiptoeing around each other isn't intimacy (and for my money, isn't a marriage either).
SO TRUE!!! Especially for us enmeshed, co-dependent, "Mr. Nice Guy" non-confrontational types!
I think maybe you guys misunderstood. She is not seeing him to return the book. She gave it to a third party. I thought you were talking about the e-mail that she sent directly to him that it was best if they didn't see each other.
And Kett. She actually said she was fine talking more about it if that is what I wanted. Right now, I am not sure if I need to talk more about though. I want to spend more time with IC & MC to find out how much I "need" to know before getting into it.
Heh. I wasn't pointing the finger at her, big guy. See puppy's post. Just be sure that you ask or don't ask based on what you *really* need/want, not fear of making waves.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Heh. I wasn't pointing the finger at her, big guy. See puppy's post. Just be sure that you ask or don't ask based on what you *really* need/want, not fear of making waves.
Yes. I know this is something I still need work on. It is true that at times I am afraid that I could upset her to the point that she would walk out again. I know this should not concern me, but it is very difficult attitude for me to take when I really do want things to work out between us.
So we had an MC session yesterday and I had homework to come up with goals that would demonstrate that our marriage had improved. This is the 1 that I came up with:
"I want to be able converse openly and honestly on any subject with W without fear that it may damage relationship."
She was a little taken back by my goal and became a little defensive about it. Something to the point of "Do you really think that I am that bad?"
I pointed out that this was not her issue, it was mine. It was something that I needed to work on. This response calmed her down. She then said that it is good that our goals line up well. Hers is for us to be more open and honest with each other.
We plan on moving some of the smaller things from her apartment back to our place this weekend. My W says she can't wait to work on our home this weekend. Things are good.
