Well....he called back an hour after his first call and left a message. Said he was "just checking up on me and hoping I had a good week. He was going to see a movie and it would be over by 9 and I could call him then, if I had time." It makes me mad that 1. He lives his regular life while I am sitting around thinking about him and hoping he snaps out of it. (so many things wrong with this one line, I can't even start...) 2. He is doing ok. 3. He calls once a week to "check up on me" as if I am not capable of taking care of myself. Instead of calling me when he wants to talk to me, he stops himself and allows a once a week call.
OK. too much focus on exH these last 5 days now. ENOUGH!!! I need to re-focus on myself. Its almost 9, but I am going to go work out NOW! OK....Will write tomorrow.
xH sounds about the same BUT Dinner with friends, going to the gym, and asked out on a date! Nothing wrong with a platonic R. Someone to go hang out with.
Yep, life seems like it just goes right on for these guys, while we tend to stand back and watch. To analyze. To get hurt. To cry. Could it be though, that what we see on the outside, is not what's going on in the inside? Could they be just as afraid and lost as us, and don't know what to do? I found a card he had on a Physic Reader/Spiritual Advisor. Something he would have scoffed at before!
Yours thought the answer was D. Mine thinks the answer is D. Some go back home with their tail tucked between their legs, and try to make up for everything they put their M through. They are the ones that came out of their fog and came to the realization that they were about to lose everything they loved. They are the lucky ones. Their LBS are the lucky ones. Some even wake up after the D, and want their life back. They are lucky if their LBS has not moved on. AND sometimes they do.
I think I just needed a really big cry! I just couldn't stop crying last night and finally I just went with it....and I feel so much better this morning.
But, you are right exH is the same.........and that is what was really upsetting me....why am I expecting some miraculous change? This is going to be long time in coming. I still think going dark for the month of october may be for the best....why let him in at all? He calls and gets his fix once a week! Yes, I'm getting mine too, but I am going to just try this. I have nothing to lose at this point!
Otherwise, my thighs are killing me from the squats I did last night. It feels good Its been awhile since I worked out. Its a sunny pretty day today...which helps the mood!!
As far as the guy...I don't know...he's trouble. I can smell it 2 football fields away. So, I think I will keep my distance, but...to be honest...I liked the attention. Its a powerful feeling to know that you affect someone in that way!
It's something I used to take for granted with my exH. He was always after me and I was always rolling my eyes...boy, I would NOT react that way again, ever!
OK...gotta get back to work....thanks for your awesome words MJ...I really needed a friend last night and I seem to be out of them these days...at least when it comes to my ex-marriage. Everyone seems to get so uncomfortable around that topic, that I have stopped talking to anyone about it. My one friend who I was talking to is going thru her own split up right now and I dont want to burden her more... so thank you, MJ. Hope you are having a good day! I said a little prayer of thanks this morning to God for getting me to this website....I found it early on...and my situation progressed so quickly, that I am glad I have support here. I am blessed and HE is always with me.
I know what you mean about talking to our friends and family about our lives. I try not to talk so much about it anymore to them because I feel they are getting really tired of hearing about it. They have never said anything, it's just me. I feel like they are thinking quit talking about it and do something about it.
JMO, but I think you have the perfect arrangement for going dark. You're not seeing him everyday. Only go dark if you really want to though. Maybe go dim instead. It won't be as hard on you, and it still will send him a message.
Yeah...I got an email from exH around 1pm asking if I was ok. He was seriously worried that I was out here by myself and something happened to me, cuz normally I ALWAYS call back.
And I realized, I can't totally and suddenly go dark...dim is a better ...... more efficient idea. It so hard to do though.
When I get talking, I have a hard time being natural and myself and NOT saying much. I am naturally a pretty open and talkative person, esp to those involved in my life. Also, have never been anything but totally open with exH since the day I met him.
How do I start to be dim? And still come off being me?? Do I tell him about my day...my work...or just talk in general and hang up? I really do have to pray on this....what do you talk about when you go "dim"?
Well....I think I am in shock still... OK, so let me start from Thursday...I didn't call him back..he was worried...and I texted him...he texted back and I just let it be....then he calls friday.........well, I didn't text or return the call until now...
He said he misses me. He said he is ready to admit that he most definately is in mid-life crisis bc he made alot of changes very quickly.
He said he would like to call back tonight and maybe we can watch SNL together....
What the hell is going on???? Am I so freaking available to him that NOT answering 2 calls has resulted in this??
He says that by the end of next year he is hoping to be financially in a better place so that "if" he gets back together with me, we don't have as much stress as we have had previously in our marriage.
Who is this person???? Is this real?? I think this is an MLCer maybe having a lucid moment....who really knows how long this will last.
Honestly I hung up and thought, well, big deal what does this really mean? In the big picture...nothing..but, I guess it is at least a positive step. I really wasn't expecting anything like this...now what?
I agree - sounds like going dim is better than dark. What I recall from the DR book is that with dim there's is still some contact, but you end conversations first, and you're unpredictable. Pull out the book and re-read that strategy, along with MLC. It does sound like he's thinking more clearly, but it will fade in & out until he truly wakes up.
Thanks mnt_dreams, I am going to take your advise and pick up the DR book again...its been awhile and I really feel stuck right now.
I should be happy and yet, I am not. I am not responding appropriately to his words...and then again, why should I respond at all....its what I have forced myself into for the last 5 months....it will be difficult for me to really believe.
I mean, is he moving here? Is he looking for a job near here? I am almost angry....that now...he is feeling lonely and so is thinking of me. So what happens when he is not lonely?
He called back tonight and we watched the frist half of SNL together...I didn't really have much to say cuz...well, I don't want to really share with him. I am ok on my own...and him adding his presence in a transient way just makes the next few days worse and I'd just rather not keep giving myself a roller coaster. I'm so annoyed.......and angry...and feel not hopeful about us in the long run.
He filed and went thru divorcing me...for no fault of mine. How am I supposed to move on from that? How am I supposed to deal with the fact that he went behind my back and hired a lawyer against me? No warning...no fight...no conversation. I was given no chance or say or time......and I'm pist. I've been lonely every single day. Does that even matter? I have been depressed and there are days that I wonder how I am making it thru the day. He has shattered any sense of trust and safety I have ever felt. How do I myself get over my own anger???
Anyways, thats for the reply and I hope u are doing well mnt_dreams. Have a good weekend.
I haven't really been answering many posts lately because I've been so caught up in my own drama.
I can relate to the lonliness. My H got home from work yesterday sometime during the middle of the night. Then he was out the door before 10:00 this morning. He did stop long enough to turn around and say "Have a wonderful day, see ya!" He's crazy! I don't know who or what he is.
I'm thinking about making an attitude adjustment on the lonliness here at home. I'm going to enjoy my home! I will read, watch TV, cook or bake yummy things, love on my dogs, call friends, clean and do projects I have been putting off, and getting on here. I will try not to think, that I may have to be moving out of here one day * THINK POSITIVE AND, not to analyze where H is at, who he is with, and what he is doing. He's just out there somewhere!
Hang in there girl! Remember we are not the messed up ones.
Hey MJ I have had the flu and just not feeling well at all. I called in sick today too. I am feeling better, and now am just congested/headache/tired. Not too bad. They sent me home from work on Friday and I actually slept away friday, sat, and most of sunday. I just decided to not take any chance and am giving myself one more day. I would hate to spread whatever I have!
Anyways, I will have to catch up on what has been going on with you.
I am trying to get over the "loneliness"...I think I have been feeling for over a year now... I was talking to a friend last night who is going thru a similar break and she said this is the first time in her life that she has felt great about being on her own! and just being alone....
I can't really say the same....I didn't get married young...I had lived on my own and been without a man in my life or anyone for that matter several times in my life up till now....I got married bc I wanted to share my life with someone and be with them. I am happy with myself and don't feel the need to have a man in my life....I just miss my best friend...I miss my husband...
I like your idea of "enjoying ur home, reading, etc..." I need to feel some enjoyment from my home....and tiny as it is...its mine! I love that! I will try to implement that attitude this week. How are you doing with that????
I'm not sure I will get over that...It's something I am just getting used to as each day goes by. Nothing new has happened since my last entry. Things are status quo...and I haven't heard from exH...looks like he went back into his cave...
But I was expecting that....there was too much sudden clarity...know what I mean?
Anyways, going to go get some rest and will write later....
