Here's a tough situation. W is really starting to take sides between the kids. S9 has a lot of anger and she uses every excuse to separate herself from h. Today there was apparently some fighting between S9 and S7 and she sides with S7. She punishes S9 by not taking him to the place she promised for lunch. She drops him off with me to follow through with her discipline then takes S7 out tona different place that he wanted to go all along.
I know i can't do anything about what she is doing to her relationship with S9, but I also can't tolerate his tantrums when he doesnt get his way. It is tough being the only parent when I have two kids and one "teenager" all of them acting out.
Aaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhh.
Me: 43 W: 40 S10,S7 M12, T13+
My sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1952314&page=1
Yes, it is very tough, but you said it right......two kids and one teenager...and you are the parent! This can be true when it is a WAW but I think it may be even worse when in MLC b/c the "experience" usually lasts longer if MLC.
Since you've brought it up.....let me say that you will have to continue to be the only mature parent the home has. You may need to think about sitting your W down and telling her that if she cannot stop taking sides that you will be in charge of the discipline until she grows up to be a rational adult. If you don't and she continues to treat S9 like this, you will have more problems coming that you can shake a stick at! I doubt she is going to overcome her self-centeredness enough to be much help for a good while.
Have to go, but will talk later.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You may need to think about sitting your W down and telling her that if she cannot stop taking sides that you will be in charge of the discipline until she grows up to be a rational adult. If you don't and she continues to treat S9 like this, you will have more problems coming that you can shake a stick at! I doubt she is going to overcome her self-centeredness enough to be much help for a good while.
Something to be said for Tact, unless you like having your face ripped off.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Here's a little more of my sitch and why ithinkthis is MLC and not WAW.
Morethan a year ago W starts talking about plastic surgury. Doesn't follow through with anyhing bu is starting to notice the wrinkles in the face. Tries dying her hair to look younger. Starts going to an ecstatic dance thing on Sunday afternoons and is hanging out with a people quite a bit younger than she. The dance thing expands to Wednesday nights also. I had always trusted her and so I didn't feel any need to check up on her.
She has been depressed for far longer than the past few years. PCP gave her some meds but she didn't like how they made her feel. A lot oF the household work fell on my shoulders as well as taking care of the kids. We don't have any family around so the vacations together have been short trips or things with the kids. Nothing just the two of us. That has to change if we ge back together.
The day before the bomb she goes out to a party until 3:15am. The next day I told her that I was concerned that she was putting herself on a slippery slope. That's when I get the bomb and the rewriting of history. She then starts taking about how she deserves to spend more money in herself. Everything becomes about her. She misses the kids sportig events to go to her dance group.
Shes been following the script. Does this sound like MLC or WAW? I've been acting like it's mlc.
Last edited by cyclone; 10/29/0912:06 AM.
Me: 43 W: 40 S10,S7 M12, T13+
My sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1952314&page=1
I've been dealing with all this for about 3 years and I still don't really know if my H is MLC or WAS. At this point (for me) it doesn't matter, but I remember when it did, b/c I thought there was more of a chance if he was MLC. Is that what you're really asking?
The reason I don't concern myself with which it is anymore is b/c I realized that what I've learned to look for in a situation really determines mostly what I see. It's like I'm a scientist and I have a hypothesis, so now what do I do? I go about looking for data to support my theory. I could find (probably) just as much data that didn't support it, if I was looking for that.
I'm a little wordy this morning (sorry about that), but the bottom line is. I have set goals and I keep taking steps from where I am to get to where I want to be. I can choose to modify the steps I take based on my results, but like you've heard ad nauseum, you can only control yourself.
Does she sound more like she's following the script? From what I've read, I'd say yes. What does that mean to you in terms of how and what you plan to do to fulfill your own personal goals?
I agree that it does sound like she is following the script as well. But like Grace said, does it really matter? In terms of how you are going to handle you?
Although I do not doubt MLC in my situation, I could not let that dictate my own choices for me.
That is honestly the only thing you can control. Right now, if you choose to stand, then you have to focus on yourself and the best way for you to do that. If you choose not too, well again, you have to focus on yourself and the best way for you to do that.
So, do you have goals for yourself? Other than saving your M? Other than surviving a D?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
You can get into the whole MLC-WAW , Chicken or Egg stuff all freakin day....
In the end....Does it really matter when it pertains to YOU , and the things YOU do ?
Not really.....
That is why it is imperative for YOU to focus on you....
Thinking about this will keep YOU stuck in a spin pattern that would blow Dorothy to the moon, instead of Oz....
MLC.....Like people, are sooooo individual to everyone....Yes , they all have similar scripts, but in the end, they are as unique as the person going through this.
Question to ponder for you......
If you were hungry.....would you sit and watch a dead apple tree, hoping to see it bloom.....or would you perch yourself under a tree that you know will bear fruit ?
Now....which tree is you ?
Sandi......I like NOT having my eyes scratched out....
Telling her that she sucks as a Mother?
Man that is a FINE line there.....even if it IS true.
