Another waw/mlc and I need support

[Grace_O]

Grace used a PARAGRAPH....<snicker>

Tthhppp

Man that is a FINE line there.....even if it IS true.

Truly this is walking on a razor blade.

I would be very cautious about how and what was said. If you have to go there make it about the kids as much as possible. For example: "S9 has shared with me he feels like you are taking sides against him and I have seen a couple of things that perhaps you could clarify so I can help him understand." If she says she'll do it, you could make the point that you could be more helpful to him when he talks to you about it, if you understand where she's coming from.

Just a thought from another perspective

[cyclone]

Thanks for the good advice. I think the parenting part is the most difficult.

As far as whether it is waw or mlc, you all are right. It doesn't really matter as far as the things I am doing for me go. I guess it's the scientist side of me just trying to catch a glimps of understanding about what she is going through. I know I'll never fully understand it but it really helps me to be detached and not take things personally to try to understand. And if I'm being true to myself, there is still a small (and decreasing) part of me that thinks about the chances of getting back together with waw or mlc.

I am working on being the best me possible no matter.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Sandi,

I didn't mean to offend. And if I did...

look at it this way. You are a rational person, who perhaps felt slighted by what I said. When no slight was meant.

IF Cyclone goes to his wife, who may very well be in MLC...in which case, out of touch, selfish, entitled and all the other symptoms that go along with it and he says.

"Until you can act like an adult, I'm in charge of the kids."

How do you see that playing out?

[Grace_O]

Cy,

If the check into the aforementioned parenting stuff, you might find it helpful. If not, nothing lost. It has helpped me with teen D's.

Working on the best you, is the best you can do right now.

Just think of how much more awesomer you'll be

[Twink]

If the check into the aforementioned parenting stuff, you might find it helpful. If not, nothing lost. It has helpped me with teen D's.

I just want to second Grace's pitch for the Love and Logic books -- Parenting w/ L & L, and Parenting Teens w/ L & L -- they both just make sense. The techniques within not only teach kids about consequences and responsibility, but also help parents detach from their drama, which can be useful with our MLCers as well.

[sandi2]

Who said I was offended? I wasn't slighted. I thought you knew by my response.

Besides, you all are missing my point. I didn't mean he had to quote my exact words to her. I was saying those words to "him" in order to get my point across to him about his wife. Obviously I did a very poor job!

[trustingfaith]

I think I am going to go look up those Love and Logic books - I need some help with the kiddos right about now! Grrrr . . .

[cat04]

Cy,

Right now, you are going to see and hear crazy things from your W. She will not be the same mother she was, and although it is infuriating, if you even suggest that you think she is not doing a good job, it will more than likely bring about some sort of fallout that will not be really pleasant.

Improving your own parenting skills, be it through educating yourself a bit about your children and effective parenting skills, or just through really working to strengthen your relationship with your children, is about the only thing you can do.

Minimize the damage. Be there to listen, support, love, and hug the kids as much as possible.

Become the parent that they KNOW they can turn to. You can’t just tell them. You have to show them.

Kids are most of our weak points here. Most of us, we can take just about anything that our S’s throw at us, but when we see the pain of our children, well that is our breaking point.

However, as I was reminded earlier this week, thank you Brooklyn and Mach, you can only control your relationship with your kids. You have to walk a very fine line to ensure that your relationship with your kids does not become damaged as well through this.

Someone has to be the rock, and for now, it is your turn.

TF, those babies, love them. Smile for them. Hold them and pray with them. Be honest at their level and let them know that you are always there for them honey. They will know…

[cyclone]

Thanks for that reminder. That's one of the changes that I have gone trough. I've always been a great dad - always there for my kids. In the past they would frustrate me because they wouldn't do things the way I wanted. Now I am much better at letinf the little things go. I still set boundaries for them because they need them but I don't vet frustrated and angry. I am still getting better at this. I want to be the person I want the
to grow up to be. I will be their rock - someone they can always turn to for support and someone they know alway loves them no matter what.

The love and logic books look pretty good. I am already doing a lot of what is in them. It never hurts to read too much though and I have a lot of time to read now.

[cyclone]

Journaling:

It was a pretty good evening yesterday. When I arrived home from work S7 was doing homework, S9 was playing on the Wii and W was sitting on the floor working on her Halloween costume.

We had pleasant conversation. No pressure from me, no R talk, just friend stuff. She asked how my day was and I told her some of what happened at work. I kept things pleasant but short. Spent some time with S9 laughing over the silly game he was playing. S7 joined in the fun too.

W was telling me about her upcoming busy day Friday. She also told me she is going to a Halloween party Friday night since she won't be able to go Halloween night because she wants to take the kids out trick-or-treating. My response was "that sounds like fun."

As I said, it was pleasant friend talk. I didn't initiate anything, kept things short, then had to get my things together to head off to ensemble rehearsal.