She said when she left that she didn't hate me...and she's told me several times since then that she does hate me. She told me when she left that she wasn't a vindictive person...and she's shown me several times since then that she is. She said it was wrong to badmouth each other to the kids in situations like this...and she has badmouthed me a lot to our kids since then. She would be congenial to me at times since the separation...then the next time I saw her she acted like she hated me!?
Mood switches stemming from confusion, guilt, anger, etc. are part of the deal. Sometimes I think they get mad and find faults to justify their actions.
Just keep the focus on your game.
Well, her moods have changed a bunch over the months...never know how it'll be! Now, she's back to being very angry. I agree wholeheartedly O'dog..."Sometimes I think they get mad and find faults to justify their actions."
Don't really know what 'my game' is right now...surviving maybe?
Thanks, man.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Yup. Sometimes just crossing the finish line is the goal.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I'm doin' my best. We've got a preliminary hearing in front of the judge tomorrow morning and I'm kinda nervous about it. There will be other people there unrelated to this situation. W will be there too, her with her lawyer and me with mine. Kids are with me now, and that's always a good thing. Just trying to get used to the reality of the situation. This all sucks but it's something that I gotta go through.
Thanks for asking.
How are you?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
The court stuff was actually underwhelming for me. Been there twice in last year; ch13 and div. Paperwork and procedure and not a lot of drama.
Had surgery on my foot yesterday. The She was very nice and took care.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
The court stuff was actually underwhelming for me. Been there twice in last year; ch13 and div. Paperwork and procedure and not a lot of drama.
Had surgery on my foot yesterday. The She was very nice and took care.
Well, the legal stuff is pretty overwhelming to me. We had the first hearing this morning. She was there with her lawyer and me with mine. Her mother was there with her, up from Texas. I said 'hello' to her mother and gave her a big hug and she asked how I was doing. I told her I was doing the best I can. Her daughter and I did not exchange words, or even glances. She's doing what she has to do to 'do this' and I've gotta do what I have to do to get through it too. She is cold, callous, and heartless. It's like I am dealing with a different person! Honestly! Kinda hard to choke down, but I have to. Nearly 2 decades...poof! Lots of invasive paperwork too. She was nice and congenial before they went on vacation to Florida, and again before she went on her cruise...now, she's vindictive and mean and doesn't seem to have a conscience at all. I don't understand how she can go from one to the other, but regardless...I guess understanding it isn't as important as just letting it go...period, and realizing that I'm already divorced and trying to go on with my life without her. This is the reality. Again, it's like I'm dealing with a different person!
Apparently your surgery went well. Good for you that she was nice and took care.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Something I read said that we hurt our W's so deep that we pushed them out the door. It takes a long time to rebuild that trust and for healing to occur both in them and in us. It is our job to win our W's hearts back with time by changing us over an extended period of time and allowing that trust and safe and secure feeling of love to come back to them.
As they start to heal if we are consistant, they will start to be confused by their emotions again and then the process of that old love will start to take over again. The person we used to love will start to show again. But as for how long it takes, each person is different. You may not see that healing occur for years. They build it up inside for so long, it takes a long time to remove those feelings of resentment. Time and consistancy, along with prayer if you are a believer which I know you are is what it is going to take.
My W took crap from me for 10 years. It isn't going to fix itself in 1 year. They have to go through a dramatic healing period and we have to truly change like never before and keep it up the rest of our lives. Then maybe, they will start to take notice again sometime down the road if we can hold out.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
