Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[iwantittowork]

Antler's hope today finds you feeling better, some good posts above by CIPA, and everyone.

I wanted to go back to one of your comments:

It's hard to choke down the abject rejection that I feel from someone who once cared about me

I have been doing a lot of research and work in this area, and found some interesting insights, from a psychological viewpoint.

I am having a hard time writing my thoughts on this, but there is some codependency in your sitch that I see in regards to your W, I found it in my own as well, and in myself.

I found some excellent explanations from a psychological viewpoint of ourselves and our relationships from a Dr. Paul, who talks about Dating, but it's really about our own emotional well being.

He discusses how holes in our boundaries let these things in, and cause us to suffer, or become co-dependent, and many other things. Very insightful to look at ourselves like this.

An appropriate quote of his:

Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot.

[antlers]

Hi iwantittowork.

I'm doing OK today. The weather was great today and there was no wind...so after I got the kids off to school, I took a 40 mile bicycle ride. That's invigorating to me.

The rejection is painful. I don't really think it's codependency...I think it's just 'hurt' from someone that I care about...someone that once cared about me.

I'm all for my emotional well-being though.

I'm still studying Stosny, and trying to learn more about core-value...and how important it is for our own well-being.

Yep. if we try to control something that we have no control over...we're gonna suffer.


How are you, man?

[Gardener]

Antler's, There's nothing to be done but I'd appreciate your feedback on the mindf*ck I got tonight by STBXW.

[antlers]

It hurts that I made another person, who once cared for me, miserable enough that they left. And it hurts that, despite the changes that I've made and all the work I've done, she still "hates" me and doesn't "ever" want to be with me again.

[Gardener]

Antlers,
Go see SpyBunny CounselingConundrums even if you don't know her whole sitch. Needs help.

[orangedog]

It hurts that I made another person, who once cared for me, miserable enough that they left. And it hurts that, despite the changes that I've made and all the work I've done, she still "hates" me and doesn't "ever" want to be with me again.

(((man hugs)))

[Gardener]

Antlers,

It hurts that I made another person, who once cared for me, miserable enough that they left. And it hurts that, despite the changes that I've made and all the work I've done, she still "hates" me and doesn't "ever" want to be with me again.

I can and do relate. It happens. It happened. Don't beat yourself up. Regret is a waste of emotion and energy.

"I learned long ago that I cannot fix the past"
Mary Chapin Carpenter

Hang in there. You're a good man. Things will work out for the greater good.

[antlers]

Thanks G.

I still beat myself up sometimes for treating her this way for all those years.

I have to 'forgive' the past.

Thanks.

[antlers]

Kids had to come by and pick something up this morning after I had left for work, and I left a note for my daughter along with a pack of candy. Got a text from their mother later on that basically said "It's nice that you do stuff for the kids but I wish you wouldn't do it with candy. It's so unhealthy for them."

I guess what she's doing to them and our family isn't "so unhealthy for them"!

[K4D]

Kids had to come by and pick something up this morning after I had left for work, and I left a note for my daughter along with a pack of candy. Got a text from their mother later on that basically said "It's nice that you do stuff for the kids but I wish you wouldn't do it with candy. It's so unhealthy for them."

I guess what she's doing to them and our family isn't "so unhealthy for them"!

Just ignore your W's note. You are a good father and there is nothing wrong with them having candy once in a while. I realize your W's background with the teeth issues I think I remember you saying she had. Let it roll off of you.

And I agree with the hypocritical statement of hers. I think D does far more damage than candy once in a while. These WAS's are unbelievable in their logic and reasoning sometimes.

Kevin