#66 Looking for Susnhine...

[BeginningAgain]

Good morning to you to!

I think the digital photo frame with pictures of you together sounds like a great idea.

S4H

[Gypsy]

Hey Ms K..

*hugs*

When you refuse/postpone to clear the situation with her, it makes me feel like my emotions dont matter and I get disappointed and discouraged not to mention worried you are leaving the door open on purpose.

Good start, Kalni!

Pick what you feel strongest about in each segment:

When you avoid cutting all ties with her

I feel disappointed and discouraged
Or maybe resentment, afraid

That you are not dedicated to making this work.

I'd always have to write it out first so that I KNEW precisely what MY specific concerns were, not just my emotions.

Little things always tweak me. A signature line for example. If you're done then why go through this? It's not your job to decide if he's done. You can only deal with where you are in this moment. The current signature line:

Me&H:38
Married 8 years, Together 13
2 kids, S7&D6
Bomb 5/2007, Sep: 11/2007
H wants back Oct 08-
Nov 08 fake reconcil begins...
Aug 09 I find out everything...:
3,5 years of lies
Guess who's done?

smacks of anger, betrayal and resentment. In this you're the victim. Reread what's written and see if this is how you truly feel, edit it if need be. If it remains the same, perhaps you are not "there yet"

As far as the gift goes. Does your spouse have a sense of humor? How about a Rolex watch that's just your size? A simple lesson reflecting your frustration and resolution of the problem.

You're an incredible woman. You know what you need, fear and believe. In the end whatever happens will be what you decide is right while doing the WORK.

*hugs*

[RefuseToLose]

Mishka said:

K.....he's scared.

For Kalni's sake, it is too bad he isn't scared "stiff."

RTL

[RefuseToLose]

Hey, Sunshine!

I have to agree that he is trying as well. This will take time for him, but you don't have to sit idly and wait.

You need to continue working for what you need in all of this so you don't lose yourself in the process.

As Kerry stated, time is your healer, but you'll need to let time work for you...which is very difficult.

As for sex, I recommend being more "playful" and teasing him a bit. Work on getting his anticipation up. Show him you are sexy and interested in sex, but make him work a bit for it. Play and have fun.

When was the last time you played and had some fun w/him?

Also, if you are giving this a shot, I'd consider dropping the stbx in favor of just H for now as well. It may help psychologically.

RTL

[Kalni]

Yes he is. The way I would try if I had broken his...sunglasses. I can see the difference, but I dont feel it often.

I need a serious talk. Lately, I've been putting my wants/limits again in a lethargic state, waiting for him to do something dramatic, something emotional, something meaningful. Alas, he is trying in a very...quiet way.

I dont want to bore you with details. Suffice to say, he is in a bad mood, not towards me, just sad and quiet. Could be work but I doubt it. I think he misses her. I cant be wondering about things like that and he is no position to open up, share, talk. I cant do the talking for both of us, can I?

I haven't read yet an effort to reconcile from a remorseful husband that played out the way this is going. Which makes me believe, there is more happening I have no idea about. And that's something I am not accepting.

Granted assumptions are not good, I will try to express me, but granted that my little voice NEVER makes mistakes of this kind, I am totally alert and careful.
K

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Kalni,

As much as this hurts the LBS to hear.

The Affair is a relationship. It is, it is, it is, and it is.
And like ANY relationship there is a grieving period when it is over. You want him to sing and dance that it is over, because that is how you feel. And that is not realistic. He is grieving...and THAT is good...it is over. You show yourself to be compassionate, you truely will be Kalni Sunshine.

I truely hate in all sense of word my W's old OM. I would water plants if he was on fire. But in truth, the deep down truth that I seldom acknowledge out loud, I am grateful that she had someone to confide in when she was at her worst...I am more grateful that he was dissposable.

Now as for you Kalni?

Are you familiar with the quaint American phrase:

Sh it or get off the pot?

All in or all out.

: )

[Kalni]

You know Jack what I hate almost more than stbxH's A? That I have heard this phrase at least a dozen times here and more than I can count in real life. And I hate it because it means I am stagnate for at least a year. Yeah DBing is "fun" but I hav ehad my share. Cant take no more.

I guess I have to accept there is something missing between us and cant be revived. Not this way anyway.
K

[mishka422]

((((((((((((((Kalni))))))))))))))))))))))

You will step forward when you are ready to. What that will look like, no one knows.

I hear the pain and frustration in your words. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this seeming indifference again.

Have you asked him about C or anything like that? You guys need help. There is no way that I see him functioning in your M without outside help.

DBing is 'fun'? Nuh uh! Not fun! Worth it? Yes, if it saves your M and your family.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Ahhh...what phrase the sh it or get off the pot?

Or the affair is a relationship?

The pot phrase was directed at the "do I, don't I, can I, can't I?"

Alas, he is trying in a very...quiet way.

Trust the slow changes...they are the ones that last.

If I upset you with what I said, figure out why.

[smith18]

Jack -

She has heard the "All in or all out" phrase quite a few times.

I agree with it.

If you cant pick all in or all out now, at least set some time line for deciding when to be all in or all out.

Goals and objectives.

Oh and here is another one... "baby steps".