State of mind. It's real. She's no longer considering it a possibility, she made it a reality, there was no other option but to believe it was real on his part - there was nothing to fake.
I assume that taking kerosene and matches, and burning the house down, would cause her to act as well. It would "work."
Doesn't make it right.
Just playing devil's advocate, and trying to point out it's not as simple as you portray it. I personally am only okay with the "dating others" thing if both spouses agree to it (otherwise I am no better than she is), but I do believe in "adding mystique" and not exactly filling in all of the blanks for them, either.
I assume that taking kerosene and matches, and burning the house down, would cause her to act as well. It would "work."
Doesn't make it right.
Just playing devil's advocate, and trying to point out it's not as simple as you portray it. I personally am only okay with the "dating others" thing if both spouses agree to it (otherwise I am no better than she is), but I do believe in "adding mystique" and not exactly filling in all of the blanks for them, either.
Puppy
Bro, you are 100% correct. Yes there are many ways to accomplish this. But what prompts people to action, what prompts people to change, to move to change faster than anything else?
Crisis.
Right/wrong, left/right, up/down, 256 thousand shades of grey - all as important as the next.
It's never simple.
Taking action, doing something different than what you've done to attain different results will be difficult. You have to in effect stop being the old you to allow yourself to grow into a new you.
Change is difficult, no doubt about it.
Self-respect is difficult for those LBS's that have been walked over, treated like a doormat, hurt horribly with much cruelty but it is still a goal. When you change, allow yourself to do & be something different from what you are, you realize growth that you never imagined possible, you learn about yourself, you allow yourself to set rules for your life & it's well being, you assign greater value to your life than you previously did - it's all a difficult process but it's still a requirement.
Puppy, why would I want him to agree that I would date? I dont remember agreeing for him to leave or agreeing to him having an A...
After 18 months of BS, a year of separation and his agreement to proceed with the divorce, I made my choice. Things are different when spouses are still both considering reconciliation, in my case, that wanst the case.
I didnt know at the time he was already 2 years in his A. If I had known, we would be divorced now. He knew that I guess.
He was cake eating. He ate hundreds of cakes and me and OW were both baking more. He was spending Sundays at my home, family lunches etc and spending the week having sex and living the easy life with her. She didnt have the guts to pull the plug. I did. Or better said, I convinced him I could. Maybe she was the lucky one K
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Puppy, why would I want him to agree that I would date? I dont remember agreeing for him to leave or agreeing to him having an A...
I should re-phrase this:
1) If the couple is NOT mutually working at reconciliation, then I think you should at least let them know of your INTENTION to date. Whether they agree with it or not.
2) If the couple IS mutually working at reconciling the marriage, then each of you dating others -- while also dating each other -- should only be done if you both agree on it.
Why #1, when you didn't get the return courtesy from his wayward ass? Because . . . it's The Right Thing to Do.
The only reason I would ask my WAH if it is OK to date would be if he would have told me he wanted to "revisit" our M. I wouldnt ask a "friends'" permission and certainly wouldnt ask permission from a person that had made it very clear I wasnt "good enough" for him.
Boring details: I decided to allow myself to fall for someone, after he came back from a trip during which he was supposed to think about our M. I had found out she was with him the whole time...
Every case is different. I had made it clear, I was moving on.He didnt believe me. His problem. K
2. Re:@PDT - my POV you walk you give up the right to have me advise you of my intentions. You're "done?" Then you're done.
3. Re:@robx, Kalni, et al. - first lesson in Statistics 101: correlation is not causation. That being said, I first saw Miss Someone on Aug 20; on Aug 25, upon my return from the Great European Getaway, WAW texted "Hey there! What u think about coffee or something? LMK :)"
For what it's worth. (Of course a couple days later Signore Schmuckatelli dumped her and we climbed aboard the Crazy Train.)
