Hi Everyone, Although I have never posted here before I have done a lot of reading. You have all been very helpfull through all this so far. Now here's the thing, there is lots to read about the early stages and post bomb trauma but, my H is turning back into himself, little by little, OW is out. I have read the old posts about the 6 stages and the one about reconnection. These have been around a very long time, have you guys found these descriptions to be true? It's been 1 1/2 years post bomb for me. He has been coming around for about 4 months, steady progress all the way, no alien appearences since May. To me it's been very close to what is in the reconnection thread. He is reconnected with the kids very well and as for me, well he calls me several times a day and we talk for hours all total daily. But the thing is he is still not even thinking about comming home, I havent even sugested it to him. I havent found anything anywhere to help me to navigate this new stage. Any one been here who can advise me or point me in the right direction? After all this hell I don't want to blow it now. Thanks l.t.
Detach, don't spend so much time on the phone with him. Let him THINK about you are doing. Where is the mystery if he knows he can get you anytime he wants to talk?
Slow and steady is the key. Let him initiate everything at his own pace. No pressure, no relationship talk unless he brings it up. Keep getting a life and doing those things that are important to you. Give him every opportunity to see how very special you are.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I was thinking something else for you, l.t. You might want to keep in mind that just because you and X are friends, you do not need to invite him home.
He is new to you again.
You wouldn't invite a new person to move in with you right away. You may want to think of things in those terms.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
You will need to continue being a friend with no expectations. Allow him to come to you. That means no pressure from you on any point. He's still baking up and he's not completely done and it could be many months before a decision is made in his mind as to whether he wants to take the plunge and come home.
It's nice that he's reconnected w/the children, but what about old friends and his family? Has he reconnected w/them?
Again, just as everyone has suggested, let it be. When the time is right and he's baked up completely, he will begin to hint about returning home. Please be very patient. This is very important at this stage of the crisis. You do not want to push him the other way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you all for your excellent input, I see that patience and love are the keys here, this is really hard. How to be close and mysterious at the same time, I guess well see. I know I can do this. When I started to detach and set some boundrys is when he started to come around, it was also when the affair was revealed, silly me believed him when he said there was no OW, he even had our children covering up for him. Funny thing about all this right now though, when we are on the phone we are as connected as ever, but in person it feels kind of akward, wierd. I am going to put these things into practice and will keep you posted. As far as reconnecting with his family and friends, yes, very much so, and he always makes it a point to tell me about it. Funny, like he's reporting mile stones to me without even realizing it LOL. Thanks agian, lt
I.T., I don't think its funny at all, its much easier to be close to someone on the phone, no eye contact! LOL That is why E.A.'s are so easy. Anyway, go easy, these guys will sometimes do this, then take back off.... Proceed with caution and good luck!
He's still baking up and he's not completely done and it could be many months before a decision is made in his mind as to whether he wants to take the plunge and come home.
lets invent the first microwave for MLCers...lol, I wish! Thanks agian, you guys rock, l.t.
A microwave would be nice! It sounds like you are doing well and things are moving forward in your situation. I concur with the other advice, take it slow, let him come to you, and let him bring up moving home when the times comes.
As you saw, there isn't a whole lot about this stage in the MLC posted so it would be great if you kept posting your progress so there will be more. Good news and hope are always welcome.
Good news and hope are always welcome.