Calling out the Piecers

[dday101798]

While we're on the subject of OM killing himself off to her, I thought I'd throw this out there to say 'the fog' in my eyes has in fact lifted.

When we were talking about about OM still having even just the little inkling in her life he still does being a issue, she affirmed me that perhaps as much as a year ago, she realized he is not the type of man she wanted. He controlled her every move, restricted her, and was not at all about 'family' (standing in the way of XW and I communicating, dinners, etc).

So kind of the true definition of a OP (the complete opposite). She said, amongst many other reasons, was what she realized she gave up. I let her come and go without question (until the frequent coming home late or not at all obviously). I respected the fact she had a life along side our R. If she wanted to spend a night out with friends minus me, or a grils night, I was fine with it.

And when I reminded her of the fact I even let her go to Vegas, no questions asked other than are you/did you have fun, she lit up, almost to cry tears of happiness when I said, "do you know how many people said I was nuts for that?" and I replied them all 'It's not nuts when you TRUST someone'.

In that, I think she really really knows what it's like to have and then subsequently miss that trust, and do anything to regain it. I will say, she IS being very tranparent with me, which is a very good start.

[dday101798]

If you attack the OM they will defend him. Let the OM destroy himself,

Yup, no attacking, no need to. That's pointless. The only off remark I have made is when she says he doesn't understand why she won't feel for him or at all for him as she does me, all I could and can say is, 'well, he should of thought of that when he decided to go after a married woman with a family'.

[jon2911]

dday,
Wow, what an inspirational story! I've learned so much from reading your last few threads.

I'm really in need of some advice, either from you or the other great people reading this. I need to branch out from "Separated" more often.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1896116&page=16

[dday101798]

Thanks jon, I'll drop by in a bit.

[dday101798]

journalizing

As the song goes, oh, what a night....

On my way 'home' I was stopping at the local grocery store to get some things for dinner, etc. When I parked my truck, I really had to go to the bathroom, so I opted to go across the street to my favorite pub that XW and I were at the previous night, use the restroom and down a quickie draft then shop.

So I'm sitting there and just recanting the previous evening and couldn't stop thinking about X and all these new feelings and experiences we've had and will. So, I text X 'deja vue, here at OBP, but without you, miss you'. She replies a few minutes later claifying where I was at, then asks to dinner with the kids, her treat. I'm not going to pass up my favorite wing night especially with all 4 of us together, so I asked my cousin if she'd mind I have dinner with them instead of at home. That sparked a developing situation with my cousin, but more on that later. Basically she says we're sending the kids mixed messages? They loved going to Wednesday night dinner, period, they always looked forward to it, I really don't see what the problem is.

So X and boys did end up meeting for dinner. We had a great time as usual, ended up staying a while and watching the hockey game on TV. I got tripped up by S11 when out of the blue he says, "dad, I really want a little sister". X heard this too I believe as we gazed at each other, I know I was thinking about girl we lost during pregnancy and choked up for a second, and out of nowhere signed "I love you" to X. She melted instantly. When S12 was a baby and in recovery from his brain injuries, the doctors predicted S12 would no be able to communicate verbally, at leasy effectively. So we had to learn to sign while teaching him to speak (and let me say, I was never really good at it). I don't know what made me do it, it just happened, but it was well received.

Anyway, we ended up having to leave as most of the other patrons were getting a bit agittated with S12 cheering the opposing team, St. Louis (in the hockey world, St. Louis vs. the Blackhawks is like the Bears Vs. Packers) so we left, plus had already had a good fill of drafts.

I took them 'home' and of course the boys wanted me to come in for a bit, I accepted as it is the holidays so police patrols are up and my neighbor just got arrested for a DUI so that gets you to think more carefully and my cousin who also had a DUI has been preaching to everybody about it after the neighbor got caught.

Suffice it to say, it was bed time for the boys, so I put them to bed, they were estatic, and hung out with X for a bit. i ended up having to run to the store for her for toilet paper, so I figured I'm probably not driving home and grabbed a bottle of Bailey's like old times.

We enjoyed a couple, my cousin texted "we need to talk" and I replied her that was not in the shape to drive at the moment. X ended up falling asleep on the oppsite end of the couch with me rubbing her feet at the other end. Not too long after, I fell out as well.

Something jolted us both awake at 3:30 in the morning. X said she was cold and went to lay on her bed in blanket to warm up. I wasn't too sure if I shoul leave or not, so I went and sat on the bed next to her, ended up laying my head on belly for while before she got uncomfortable and had to readjust. She layed on her side with plenty of room on her backside, so I coudln't resist and asked if she'd mind if I joined her, of course she said not at all.

Oh man, if that wasn't the most comfortable place to be. Laying there with my W as we used to do night in and night for years, and then nothing. She apparently like it too as she took my hand from around her belly and placed it on her breast.

I can not tell you the amount of self control I exerted and we just layed there peacfuly and slept a bit more before the time I'd have to get going and she needed to get ready for work.

This is truly going to be far better than anything we've had before, I can feel it. Later this morning she sent me a text saying taht she doesn't care what anyone says, she's in love with me. :blsuh:

I know, getting all giddy, but hey, that romance for ya, and one thing I've always stunk at expressing to her. This time around, I'm not holding anything back and saying what's on my mind and she loves it.

[ridnic]

Must be some holiday cheer these women of ours have gotten into them! Been following your posts just havent had anything to say cause you have been doing a good job.

Self control, yeah those words suck in times like that trying to decipher what the woman is telling you. To us its to score, to them its just wanting comfort and security.

[dday101798]

to them its just wanting comfort and security.

Well, that's all I really wanted and got too.

We did actually have a series of text exchanges during the course of this morning, and it was XW who wanted things to get hot and heavy, but opted not. I told her in due time, let things unfold naturally. We agreed and to this moment are still going back and forth with flirting messages, something we never did before.

Anyway, thanks rid, hope to see you here soon. Sounds like your X was on the same flight off the mothership as mine.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

"we need to talk"

Has anything GOOD ever come after those words are uttered?

So what's the deal with your cousin?

[Gnosis]

"we need to talk"

Has anything GOOD ever come after those words are uttered?

ROFLMAO. I wrote a whole diatribe on those very words right here in my thread.

[dday101798]

LOL, no I don't think anything good has ever, no take that back, I received a similar message from XW several weeks ago after months of not speaking, so.......

But, my cousin didn't really get a chance to air anything yet. I got home with enough time to shower and go to work this morning. "talking" last night would have been a disaster anyway as it appeared she was hanging out with the neighbor all night, and I am not getting into a heated discussion with her after either of us have been drinking. She did catch me on the way out, but was not very talkative, I made light talk and got responses, but no mention of what was on her mind last night.

All I know at this point is that she thinks the kids shouldn't know anything about what XW and I are doing and essentially shouldn't be doing family dinners together. No Doubt, I'm going to get the 3rd degree for staying at XW's again. As far as the kids are concerned, I put them to bed and they were sawing logs snorring minutes later. So they have no idea I stayed. All they know is we had dinner and XW and I were talking for a while after they went to bed. And so what, we both passed out litteraly 4 feet apart from each other for the bulk of the night.

They are estatic, period. Just of the simple fact they are once again attneding dinners with their mom and dad, mom and dad aren't mad at each other anymore and being friends, and there isn't anyone else around them anymore that makes them uncomfortable.

There has been zero affections other than light hugs and a kiss or two on the cheek to indicate anything else going on.