Quotes found on Divorcebusting (II)

[Steve McQueen]

I taught this might be an important source of reference for those that are hearing some stories that seem too far fetched to be true:

G -

Let's just talk about her NAILS!!!

I'm not sure if you glean this from my posts, but I'm fairly high maintenance (in a cute, subtle, way... LOL), and let me tell you, I have NEVER taken more than an hour and a half at the nail salon.

MORE QUESTIONS:

Does she have acrylic/gel nails? IF SO, they don't need to be "filled" weekly. I get mine done every two weeks, and some women can go three weeks. IF NOT, I can understand a weekly manicure, as "au natural" nails don't hold a manicure longer than a few days, seriously, at best.

NAIL FILL TIME - MAX 1 hour
MANICURE TIME - MAX 45 minutes

And, she has a WEEKLY PEDICURE! Holy crap! She must have some baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad feet! I get a full pedicure about once a month (in the summer!), and every two weeks (in the winter), and a polish change only in between. PEDICURE's LAST!

PEDICURE - MAX 35 minutes

She must have some flippin' commute! Does she do anything else? Waxing? (MAX 30 minutes) Massage? (Depends on service) BOTOX? (15 minutes) Chemical Peels? (45 minutes)

Now, let's talk about color and highlights!!!

Sorry, had to get that all out immediately.

[mindfull]

Steve... LOL!

Oh, sure quote me on something that makes me look ... so ... shallow!

Hope it helps someone!





PS - Cut, Color and Highlights - 2 1/2 hours MAX

[Ready2Change]

Here are links to two good threads:

Detachment Thread


Boundaries Thread

[chatterbug]

The sooner the LBH can start to focus on how he can be a better person (man), the sooner he starts to feel a lot better. His self-esteem begins to grow and his personality takes on a new shine. It does help to get out and socialize, b/c if you don't then all you can think about is the stitch. Look at it this way.....when you are helping yourself...you are helping the M.

Anything Sandi writes is worthy of quoting. That woman can write. She has a great gift. And shares it with us daily. Unconditional Love from Sandi. Its a beautiful thing. Anyone new this site who needs grounding. Look up Sandi2 and read and learn.

[P17]

Going dark is a parallel path. You protect yourself. But at the same time you protect what little love you have left for that person. A small opening in your heart for that day when you both decide to begin a new journey together. They will need that footing more than you. We were betrayed. Remember the following sentance.

1. You know that your lover will make decisions that impact your wellbeing and future without your input. Without dicussion. Without consent.
2. You know that your lover has boundary issues with the opposite sex.
3. You know that your lover has the capacity to become a phycological liar to support these decisions.

This is what we have to forgive. Do not freely give this away. This must be earned. True Remorse for ones actions.

You give this away. And you will have learned nothing. The only gift you gave will be bitterness. By one of you or both.

We were placed on this planet to live a fulfilling life.

Not to carry a torch for the person who lacerated our hearts.

Parallel path.

Its a very basic concept. One I choose to follow. Either way. I am victorious. The choices in this journey are many.

[sgctxok]

I like that. It's not unChristian. Even God has a condition...you must chose Him.

[sgctxok]

Anything Sandi writes is worthy of quoting. That woman can write. She has a great gift. And shares it with us daily. Unconditional Love from Sandi. Its a beautiful thing. Anyone new this site who needs grounding. Look up Sandi2 and read and learn.


I agree. I'm thankful for Sandi.

[Ready2Change]

Sandi, I've been told your advice is helpful.....Please help me with this.....I am struggling and it just might be too late....I need to do everything just right this time as it might be my last chance.....

Well, I was almost a WAW and I was in an EA with OM. My H found out and began to smother me and tell me he loved me, etc. The thing was.....I had wanted him to pay attention to me a long time ago. Now, I felt it was too late. My attention was on OM, and for my H to tell me he loved me was.....well...almost sickening. I know guys hate to hear a woman say that, but I'm trying to get you to see how a person's mind will work when you are pushing yourself on them. You see, I knew that my H was saying "ILY" just to try and make me say it back to him. I hated that! I think your W is saying "ILY" to see if you'll say it back to her...and when you do, then she knows she still has you in her hip pocket.

There's a saying around here about S's who get to have OP and keep everything at home, too. It's called eating cake and your W is eating cake...big time. It is up to you to take the cake away.

As a woman, I can tell you that if my H had dropped me like a hot potato and went looking at other chicks.....I would have probably broke my neck to get his attention back on me. Now...you are in a great position where you are. You are not living with her and you can go out anytime you want to and see whoever you want. Trust me, she'll hear about you going out and if she has any fire left in her bones....she'll start to feel the heat!

I know that you still love your W and you aren't interested in seeing any other woman, but just as it's normal to want what we can't have, it's also good to feel a little bit jealous when we think we don't care about a person.....know what I mean?

Making personal changes about yourself is a very important task, but going out and having a life that makes you more interesting and personable REALLY helps! Always look as sharp as a tack and smell good enough to gobble up! Have a big smile and act as if all is great with the world. That helps to set you up for expanding your social circle and also......(here's the good part) others who see you will tell your W how fantastic you looked and how HAPPY you seem to be!

Do you know that some men are afraid of doing that b/c they are scared their W will think he doesn't want to get back with her? Don't be that man. Trust me......it will work sooooo much better than what you are doing now. B/c, frankly, I don't think what you are doing now is going to work at all.

Okay....the next thing is to stop calling her. I thought it was kind of sad how she had you running around like her little erran boy. Here you thought you were being a really nice guy, weren't you? The truth is that you have to stop being a nice guy to her. She will not appreciate your nice ways. My H was the nicest man on earth and I walked all over him, disprespected him, and sure didn't appreciate or desire him. He was always there for my beck & call. If I wanted him to go across town and get me something special to drink.....he would do it regardless of what time of night it was. Isn't that about the same as you're doing?

A woman must respect a man before she can love him. Your W doesn't respect you or she would not be involved with OM. Don't let her fool you just b/c she's saying, "ILY". You want her to desire you and want to spend the rest of her life with you, right? Okay, so you have to make yourself unavailable to her by means of no contact. Don't call, email, TM, voice mail.....nothing! If she calls you, don't pick the phone up....let it go to voice mail. Then, wait for an hour or two (depending on the time and what it's about) before you return her call. Keep it very brief and you be sure that you end the conversation first (that's important). It's important b/c you are so busy with this great life you are finding and you just don't have time to waste. Get the picture? People are usually drawn to a person who has a busy, exciting, interesting, full life.....and she's no exception. She will be more than a little curious to know what has suddenly come along to cause you to be so distracted.

Detachment....that is a word you hear a lot around the boards. You have to act deatched from your W. It is attractive to her. Yes, I know it seems opposite from what it should...but that is how it works.....and you want to do what works....not what you think should work.

Detachment is an attitude, and at first you have to fake it, but as you go out and start to get involved doing hobbies, sports, whatever you like to do.....you will discover that you can finally begin to breathe without thinking about her. Detachment comes easier to some than others, but if you will keep telling yoursel that she needs you to be unavailable & detached in order to be attractive, I bet you can do it!

What about the times you "have" to see her? Well, then you make sure you are looking good and talking upbeat. Never hang around as if you are waiting to see if she has anything to say......you always be in a hurry and have something planned that you are getting ready to do, go to, or whatever.....but you have better things to do than wait around to see if she has any crumbs to throw your way, right?

So make yourself some plans. Get your newspaper out and see what all is going on around town that you can get involved in. This time of year should have all sorts of things. Be sure you are not home on New Year's Eve. I think I remember that you have a son? Be sure that you tell her that you can't keep him that night b/c you have made plans. If you've been keeping him most weekends (don't know what the arrangements are) you need to let her know in a subtle way that you need weekends free sometimes, too! And, if you should happen to be away some night and she calls......well.........

BTW, you don't reveal to her your plans when you tell her that. Even when she tries to pick it out of you about what you're doing and where you're going......just smile and wave. That makes you mysterious, drives her crazy, and makes her want to be No. 1 in your life. The neat thing about this is that you never lie to her, but you don't have to. All you have to do is keep your information short and vague.

There is more to say, but for now I think you have enough to give you something to think on. Just remember....no contact and don't act mad when you see her. She'll think you are mad, but just smile and wave. Stay upbeat.

Oh......no gifts, okay? Not appropriate.

Talk to you later. Please don't make me sorry I typed my fingers to the bone.

[Ready2Change]

The most important thing I have learned throughout this ordeal is to KNOW yourself. Constant self-analysis and introspection is of paramount importance. Identify the mistakes in your own behavior and correct them. They will help you live a more fulfilled life in the future.

[Ready2Change]

There is no "secret technique". Bits and pieces are spattered all over the board.

For the past three months I've been mining the tactical nuggets found in others situations. It took me a while to recover after the bomb while making the same mistakes every one does.

When I did I saw the situation for what it was ... a war of the minds. I set out the following tasks. Some running concurrent

• Lawyer up, prepare for a nasty divorce and protect my ass-ets.
• Face the worst that could happen (My marriage is dead and I've lost twelve years of my life.)2) Lie low and wait, monitor the "enemy" and gather information
• Build my resources and research alternatives solutions
• Take the laundry list and work on it to improve myself.
• Observe the "enemy" and identify weak spots.
• Discover if there is infidelity. If there is GAME OVER.
• Identify spies and people of influence in W's camp.
• Keep my cards hidden at all times. The left hand must not know what the right hand is doing.
• Plan my attack and execute

With that in mind, I've hinted subtly here and there... Mrs Gno is going to face the sum of all fears if she continues down this path and does not withdraw her forces.

• Loss of her lifestyle as she knows it
• Sense of security
• Financial support
• Loss of her H and friend (already almost gone)
• Loss of stability
• Test of her "moral support" structure (which will fail)

While battles are lost or won in the field, but wars are settle with diplomacy. The grim picture I'm busy painting is my last resort for her to get her head out of the ground. Reality sucks.