P, I am here on the pity party express. Cutter, I am borrowing your style and posting lyrics:
They say misery loves company We could start a company and make misery
Frustrated, Incorporated Well I know just what you need I might just have the thing I know what you'd pay to see
Put me out of my misery I'd do it for you, would you do it for me We will always be busy making misery
We could build a factory and make misery We'll create the cure; we made the disease
Frustrated, Incorporated Frustrated, Incorporated Well I know just what you need I might just have the thing I know what you'd pay to feel
Put me out of my misery All you suicide kings and you drama queens Forever after happily, making misery
Did you satisfy your greed, get what you need Was it only envy, so empty
Frustrated, Incorporated Frustrated, Incorporated
Frustrated, Incorporated (put me out of my misery) Frustrated, Incorporated (I'd do it for you, would you do it for me) Frustrated, Incorporated (forever after happily) Frustrated, Incorporated (making misery)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
And there was me thinking I was waiting at the doors to get off!
Anyway, thank you for the lyrics. I particularly liked:
Quote:
Frustrated, Incorporated (put me out of my misery) Frustrated, Incorporated (I'd do it for you, would you do it for me) Frustrated, Incorporated (forever after happily) Frustrated, Incorporated (making misery)
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Oops, looks like you got off the train at the last stop (just in time for Christmas?) I will do my best to get off at the next one!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
The second thing we discussed was what I want. I want to get rid of hope. Hope that the M can be recovered. I want to let go completely of the M and move on with my life. I see no hope for the M being continued. Bridges are being burned. W is doing things I never thought she was capable of. She is cold, heartless, uncaring, selfish and cowardly. That woman I don't love. The woman I did love has gone.
She cant undo what has be done. You have to ask yourself if cheating is a dealbreaker. I thought for sure there was no way I would stay with someone who cheated. But when it really happens to you all the rules change. How it impacts your finances, your child's life etc. all change the equation that once was just so simple. If cheating was a absolute dealbreaker for you then you wouldnt be posting on a message board aimed towards saving your marriage, would you?
Originally Posted By: P17
It was for revenge. I want W and OM to break up and for her to feel the way I feel. I want to be able to say I told you so, stick two fingers up and be vindicated that she was wrong for what she did. If I read W correctly (and I could be well off the mark) she is going out of her way to hurt me. The things she is doing, saying and posting on FB don't really make much sense to me other than to hurt me. This is a game, and without relaising it (and advising others not to do it) I'm playing it and rolling the dice too. I'm going out of my way to hurt her. This isn't right and simply cannot finish with any good results.
The one you trusted most in your life screwed you over. I think the thought of revenge is only natural. It is still very early in your situation but right now you have centered this whole experience about her. "I want her to feel how I feel", "What is she thinking", "How will she react"? That is why your goal now is to detach. She doesnt even know what she is thinking right now, so then how in the world are you supposed to figure it out when she cant? I hate to burst your bubble but I will come right out and say it, I dont think your wife is doing things to intentionally hurt you. I dont think your wife is giving you much thought at all right now. I think she is doing something that is so out of character for her that she is trying to justify why it is ok for "someone like her" to be doing "what she is doing".
Originally Posted By: p17
I still maintain the opinion that W has her head up her a$$ and it may never come out of there. However, if it does, I don't want to be around.
No doubt she isnt thinking right. Either are you. That is why you should be having no contact(or I think very little contact) with her. Try to enjoy your Christmas P17. Try to turn off your mind for a few days and just enjoy spending time with your little one.
She cant undo what has be done. You have to ask yourself if cheating is a dealbreaker. I thought for sure there was no way I would stay with someone who cheated. But when it really happens to you all the rules change. How it impacts your finances, your child's life etc. all change the equation that once was just so simple. If cheating was a absolute dealbreaker for you then you wouldnt be posting on a message board aimed towards saving your marriage, would you?
Cheating is not a dealbreaker for me at all. As you said I wouldn't be here posting otherwise. The dealbreaker is her erasure of the last 7 years of her life, me and D. That is the big dealbreaker but I am also coming to terms with why she has done this so maybe it won't be a dealbreaker after all.
Quote:
The one you trusted most in your life screwed you over. I think the thought of revenge is only natural. It is still very early in your situation but right now you have centered this whole experience about her. "I want her to feel how I feel", "What is she thinking", "How will she react"? That is why your goal now is to detach.
Other than the 'how will she react' (as I no longer care about that), you are correct. Everything has been centred on her - she is doing this and that, what is she doing etc. etc. etc.
I felt several times that I am detaching from her but I then fall back into again. I have felt for the last little while now I am detaching. Maybe it was my lo point last week that started it all. I don't know. Maybe this is just another episode and I'll 'attach' again. I'll just play it be ear, go with the flow, ride the wave ...
Quote:
She doesnt even know what she is thinking right now, so then how in the world are you supposed to figure it out when she cant?
I actually think she knows exactly what she is doing. I believe her head is up her a$$ but she acts with such cool and calm coldness that it's difficult to think she is not in control on the outside.
Quote:
I hate to burst your bubble but I will come right out and say it, I dont think your wife is doing things to intentionally hurt you. I dont think your wife is giving you much thought at all right now. I think she is doing something that is so out of character for her that she is trying to justify why it is ok for "someone like her" to be doing "what she is doing".
I think Sandi2 or Bluerain said something similar a while ago. Maybe she isn't doing anything to hurt me. Maybe she is just living her life. If she is doing that, and doesn't give me or D a second thought then I would rather she actually just left us both alone completely.
Originally Posted By: p17
No doubt she isnt thinking right. Either are you. That is why you should be having no contact(or I think very little contact) with her. Try to enjoy your Christmas P17. Try to turn off your mind for a few days and just enjoy spending time with your little one.
I don't think I am thinking clearly. I think I am thinking clearer. But still not clearly about a lot of things. No contact is still in place.
I am just back from an overnight away and my head was turned off - right up until we got back and there was a text from W to D's mum. See next post.
I will enjoy Xmas. I hope you and everybody else on here does too.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Was on a night out last with D's mum and her friend for a final bit of shopping a meal and a few drinks. Went well. First time I've actually been out and up dancing in along time ...
Got back at 3am to a text from W to D's mum. It was along the lines of 'Ive emailed P and got no response. Can I drop off D's Xmas presents to you tomorrow morning - I am working at 11am'.
I was going to make the comment about 'no response' from me, but I've said this a thousand times that I told her I didn't want contact (and I haven't broken it) so she just isn't going to ever get that bit. She does want to drop them off at D's mums and not here.
Asked her today just to tell W that she can drop off presents. I will text W tomorrow, tell her D loved the present, thank her for it and wish her a Merry Christmas. That breaks NC but I think it is the right thing to do (which is what I am really trying to do just now - do the right thing and not act out of emotions). I won't be doing any more follow-up with her or getting involved in a conversation or anything else. One text. End of story.
I also have a card and present for W's best friend and her little boy. I will be dropping that off later today. Also the right thing to do.
I'm sorry we're all here at all and this forum is necessary but I'd rather be here with my sitch than on my own with it!
Anyway, Merry Christmas to everybody!
Last edited by P17; 12/24/0903:13 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
