Court was grueling. I thought it would be sweet revenge to watch my attorney kick his ass. It wasn't. It was painful. He's broken, hurting, depressed, alone. I don't enjoy watching someone in that state get beat down further by being confronted with his lying and naivety. It was amazing to hear him proclaim some of the beliefs he still holds to. Further evidence of why I am not with him any longer. The judge called him arrogant in his unilateral decision making for the course of our marriage. The stbx said it was his right as "head of the household". The judge said maybe if he would have created a partnership he wouldn't be here today.
We're still not done. The judge decided that he'd like to review the exhibits over the holidays and that it was ugly to proclaim a couple divorced days before Christmas. We go back January 5th for the decree and for me to find out if I get any financial assistance whatsoever.
I'm scared financially. We have nothing left. With him out of work for the past 18 months, and me only working for the past 6 months, all of our savings and equity in the home is gone. Now we have debt that we didn't have before as well. If it was just me, I wouldn't worry much at all. I have 4 kids to provide for. I think God I was able to find a job 6 months ago after being a stay at home mom for 15 years.
No matter that I initiated this divorce, it's painful. It's grueling. I'm depressed and on emotional overload. My emotions flood when I least expect it and I'm doing good to get out of bed. The kids are with him this year for Christmas. I get them next year. When we set up mediation this past June I had no idea it would be this hard to be without my children on Christmas Eve.
I appreciate the kind comments and sharing that you all have done here. I'm sorry I don't have the emotional energy to respond to some of the questions. It's so good to see my old friends and yes Tomato it really is me.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
"IF." What a powerful word. IF I had only done this or IF I hadn't done that, IF SHE only knew how sorry and how much I've changed...Then the sadness that comes along with the realization that IF doesn't matter anymore. It just doesn't unfortunately. Damn. How did we get here?
And that really hurts.
So true.
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
I'm saying a special prayer for you and your family tonight. There's really nothing I can say other than I'm sorry and that it won't always be this way. You've been at this far longer than I, so you know that.
That was a gut wrenching post. My wife is in a similar situation such as you. She says that things started to go downhill when the kids were born. Now she wants a divorce. Your post has helped me see into her mind and her torment. I've done all I can since my wake up call, but I don't think it is going to be enough. Good luck to you.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
So, what can I do to help my wife want to take her heart out of the box?
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
It has to be safe for her to take her heart out. She needs to realize that you are ready, willing, and able to lisen to her pain and her anger. That you want to be there for her emotionally. That you will validate her perception and her reality even if it differs from yours.
Last edited by smartcookie; 12/27/0906:24 PM.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
