Calling out the Piecers

[RonD]

Sounds like OM got just what he deserved. Glad to see it's all coming together for you!

[dday101798]

Sounds like OM got just what he deserved. Glad to see it's all coming together for you!

Thanks Ron.

Yeah, I had to laugh my arse off there for a while. I'm just like, "wait a second here, you're going to get pissed at MY EX WIFE you took off with in an affair and left you after realizing her HUSBAND, FATHER OF HER CHILDREN (yeah, that's me jackass [OM) ) is the one she belongs with?!?!?!?! Bwahahaha, go cry me a river already".

I certainly hope he sticks his guns and wants nothing to do with her, I really do. But then again, the comic relief is amamzing.

[dday101798]

So, (x)W and I went Christmas shoppin galst night. What a disaster (shopping wise). Started off by stopping at "my" place to go over the sale papers. (x)W and my cousin seemed to get along fairly well. My cousin even gave her a coat she had in her closet that reminded her of (x)W, ironically so, (x)W at one point had one exactly like it.

Really didn't get much shopping done at all. (x)W did ok for getting started, but I'm still waaaay behind.

After running around until 10:30pm we finally opted to call it quits and went out for dinner. It was nice. Lots of regular daily routine talk. She still ahs that glow, that's a good sign.

Bad signs, or maybe I'm just thinking too much. (x)W's phone never made a peep all night. That's highly abnormal. As I've said before, I've noticed she all the sudden needs to use the restroom quite frequently. I called her out on it when she returned from the washroom for like the 3rd time at the resteraunt and asked if she had any more "crazy" calls. She asked 'what do you mean', I just looked at her and said "c'mon (x)W, I find it very hard to believe you haven't gotten one call all night long".

She did say that OM still is contact, she keeps telling him to leave her alone, but this fish ain't fully biting the line. I don't think there's anything more behind the scenes to it, but then again, I WAS wrong before. I'm working her today on this issue, it has to get closed.

When we were done shopping I took her back by "her" place and she was cold, so she laid down in her comforter for to warm up. Heh, then she said "this isn't working, come here". Let's just say, there is a serious (good) tension mounting. We're in a 'joking' discussion of that today.

While shopping and expecially over dinner, we discussed our house and the current living arrangements for all. A lot to be figured out there. It clearly seems we both want to co-habitate. But, I just simply refuse to step foot in that house, let alone live in it ever again. We'd have to make some serious changes in order for that to work.

But, given the uncertanties yet to be cleared up about OM, that's a good thing in disguse.

So, still moving forward, making progress, and not looking back. Just still 'that' issue that I need to start driving home with her that needs to be resolved completely.

[dday101798]

Oh yeah, completely forgot to mention, boys spent the night at 'our' house since we got in so late from shopping.

(x)W had also asked me to drive her to work this morning which I hadn't a problem with. Aside from when we were "warming" up, she wanted me to stay the night. Rats! Had to decline.

[mindfull]

Dday -

I'd like to go back, and read your process... Congratulation so far! Wow!

So, what's the story w/the anger towards the house? Did she move OM in there? Where do the boys live?

I have an S12, too. He's a sweetheart! Not sure the S10 will be, though... And, I KNOW D18 isn't! That's why God made her extra cute!

I was at Woodfield the other day. NUTS! STUPID! Although it's an excuse to slip on over the Saks Off Fifth! (I live an hour WEST of ORD... another large city, but not a suburb...)

I'll be checking back in after I read up on you!

[dday101798]

I'd like to go back, and read your process... Congratulation so far! Wow!

Thanks M.

I know to some, things may look a bit 'jumpy'. Really, I'm just letting this thing roll on it's own. All the while, influxing the changes in myself, and (x)W on the same token as well as she sorts them out. I certainly know we're no where near out of the woods yet, but now that all the MR issues are laid to rest, the atmosphere is one that of relief. Just have to finish clearing the air of the linger stench of OM.

The house, well, bought in '04 when the market was great and all. Was our dream home that turned into our own private nightmare. As (x)W slipped off further and further into limbo-land, it became her 'party-pad' for her and all her friends. I feeling the notion she was slipping away tried to fit in, but never made a niche for myself and was left out feeling rejected and all that other fun stuff.

The place was a contant intusion of privacy. Her brother moved into an extra room upstairs and well, thus so did all of his friends at all hours of the night.

It was just a crazy crazy place to be.

Then the financial matter of it being in her father's name, and how he handled the equity, a story in it'self. Ironically, he is now practically giving it away just to get it off his hands.

The final nail in the coffin for it is I told (x)W, the moment I walk out the front door for the final time, is the moment I was forced to commit myself to the one thing I never wanted, the big D.

It's a melancholy thing now. She says she going back there, cleaning it up in all respects and ending all the B/S partying and all. She misses all the work I put into the place for her including her prized master bath, completely gutted and rebuilt by yours truly.

So I'm just mixed. Maybe, just maybe if she can rid the place of all the evil she created with it, then I might just consider buying out from under her father. We shall see.

Since the onset of her A and our S, she and the boys lived at her father's a few blocks away.

So that's it in a nutshell.


hmmm, that city an hour away, straight out 90 west huh? If I'm right, I lived there too for a while. Has another larger mall in Cherry Valley tho, no?

[mindfull]

Dday - You're right. And, that's not a mall. That's a tease! I grew up here... "never was coming back..." YeaYeaYea... H was from "right near ORD," and was in culture shock for the first year. He's all good now w/our fine city. LoL

The housing market is in the tank all over this area. Good Luck w/that! Why not create some new memories in that dream master bath?

[Goodfight]

Dday, how did you ever get to this point with Xwife? I would do anything to get to the point you are at with my H.

[dday101798]

Dday, how did you ever get to this point with Xwife? I would do anything to get to the point you are at with my H.

She just cracked. Couldn't take it anymore. I try not to poke and prod her too much and let her volunteer information on where she's been, what she did and why while gone. But that's the basic gist. She felt that there was no way we could ever overcome our issues and D and a new life, HAD to be the answer.

I told her many of times, she can run (or try to) from me as much as she'd like. She can not EVER outrun her conscience. And almost each and every time I'd see her during the D and S and afterward, you could see it eating away at her.

She went so far as to try and purchase a house 90 miles away in the middle of nowhere. But, her mind was still there. The memories of the better times of our MR that far outweighed the bad were still there. The shattered look on our sons faces followed her everywhere she went.

And I lovingly (and some times not) let her go and deal with her demons. I repaired the relation with our kids that had been so damamged when I shut down during the end of the M. Basicaly, I converted from LBS, to WAS and her vice versa.

Couple that in with the latest topic at issue, our house. I put so much work and effort into that place for our family. Even tho she left it, and once I did as well, she found herself back there almost everyday. Why? And now, our house, our dream home is a few mere months within being placed on the auction block. So, I know that has been bugging away at her as well.

After reading one of M's reponses earlier, I went on a limb. (x)W and I were in another flirting round this morning going over last night, and I confessed that I really would have liked to stay with her last night. She had replied she did too. [insert some back and forth propects to and why not to ML just yet] So, I rolled the dice and asked "do you think there's ever a way we can live in our home again?", doing 2 things; 1: to see if my thought on her missing our family together was front and center on her mind, and @: If all of us returning to life in our house to try again is what's driving her to work this out despite the all difficulties involved. Her response: "for sure!"

Sorry if that's more of indepth answer than you were looking for GF.

Bottom line is we had a good M. We both lost sight of it and only saw the bad. I had no choice last night when we were talking about all this and needing second jobs to put lives back on track, but to comment: "you know, when we F-up, we do so to the fullest extent don't we?" We both agreed and shared in sigh of dispair then joy as WE WILL get through this.

[Goodfight]

Dday, do you think you can hop over to my thread and maybe give me some advice? My H sounds like your XW a little. He wanted to be alone, have money in his pockets, and have NO responsibilities I didn't even see it coming. We were fine the week before he left. I still don't have any answers but I do know that he tells everyone it is my fault and that he just couldn't take anymore. I don't know what he couldn't take.

Don't be sorry about your answer being more indepth than what I wanted it was perfect. Just looking to see where I can go from the point I'm at now to reconciling with H someday.