NC - W vanished ...

[newmama]

I agree with Cutter...your IM is there for a reason! W will hear the thank you through IM. If you play "dark" you must follow the rules.

So are you open to letting your W see your D if she pushes? I thought I remember reading that.

Merry Christmas, P!

[P17]

I agree with Cutter...your IM is there for a reason! W will hear the thank you through IM. If you play "dark" you must follow the rules.

So are you open to letting your W see your D if she pushes? I thought I remember reading that.

Merry Christmas, P!

Here we go again Around the emotions route we go ...

Newmama - I'm not open to letting W spend time with D yet. She consistently displays bad judgement, disinterest and is not a role model for my D. That may change in the future, but for the time being that's my stance.

Another update (all I seem to be is have updates)!

D's mum was in the shop with D and W was working. I have said to D all along that if she wants to speak to W, wave at her or whatever she can and I would not stop her (D was stopped from doing that with both W and me during the 7 years we fought to see her and I am NOT going to do it to her again).

Anyway, she went up to talk to W and W told her that she had a present for her but she couldn't give it to her because mummy hadn't texted her back ...

D is now very upset because she misses W. I don't think it's actually so much the present, just she misses her. Will need to rethink my sitch about NC with D now too. Although D is less likely to speak to her in future as she has been upset so she may feel better knowing that she has made that decision and not been told by Daddy.

WTF kind of thing is that to tell a kid on Xmas Eve? Yeah. I have a present for you but you can't get it because mummy and daddy are being mean to me? Drop the effing thing off at the door and walk away ... (you can do that kind of thing up here in fact many people don't actually lock their doors here when the go out - yes it's true).

I'm not annoyed. I'm not angry. It's just another WTF to add to the 'My WAS Bag Of Confused Moments'.

The reason ... what cutter said ...

Come at you with anger.
Come at you with sweetness.
Each one is to break contact.

She came at with sweetness (sort of and indirectly) asking if she could drop presents off. Now she came at me (again indirectly) with anger by using D ...

Not sure what to do now. Will figure it out by doing what is right.

Bot of you mentioned that I shouldn't send the text ... I'm now wondering which one (or both)? The initial text saying it was okay to drop off presents or the second one wishing her a Merry Chirstmas?

The right thing to do is take the higher ground, send the text about the presents and that she can drop them off and forget about her petty games.

[newmama]

WTF kind of thing is that to tell a kid on Xmas Eve? Yeah. I have a present for you but you can't get it because mummy and daddy are being mean to me?

It is petty and selfish.

Why do you have to text her? Why can't IM relay the message?

[P17]

WTF kind of thing is that to tell a kid on Xmas Eve? Yeah. I have a present for you but you can't get it because mummy and daddy are being mean to me?

It is petty and selfish.

Why do you have to text her? Why can't IM relay the message?

I wasn't going to text her. D's mum was as W texted her. I haven't texted her since NC. It's clear that W doesn't like going through IM - that doesn't make any difference to me but she doesn't even know IM (so it's not as if they have a history).

It's Xmas. I actually can't be bothered with this 'soap opera' anymore to be honest! Tired of this 'drama' and I AM turning into a 'drama queen'. I will do what is the right thing to do. She can do what she thinks the right thing to do is. I'm ignoring her. She can drop them off tomorrow or any other time she wants. I'm not stopping her. I have never stopped her. I just haven't replied to her like I said I wouldn't. If she wants to be petty then it's on her head, not mine.

If in doubt, do nothing?

Listening to some loud music (Foo Fighters, Pink Floys and some Zeppelin - very Xmassy :)). Tidying house. Off to collect D. Get some canapes (D's mum is making!). Off to church for the midnight service and then back home again for bed and pressie opening tomorrow with D! Off to D's mum tomorrow for some Xmas dinner, DVD watching, playing with toys and the usual things. I bought a crate of wine (not for tomorrow!) so we will have a few bottles and a laugh. I will have a chaparone there so nobody need worry

[chatterbug]

heh. ladybug. Is now passing messages again through her neice and nephew. This time its a few dvd's she wants.

I told them that it ticks me off and she should stop that. As it places them in an uncomfertable position. They said they both did not want to relay messages. So I said. Next time she says that to you. Say NO.

[P17]

heh. ladybug. Is now passing messages again through her neice and nephew. This time its a few dvd's she wants.

I told them that it ticks me off and she should stop that. As it places them in an uncomfertable position. They said they both did not want to relay messages. So I said. Next time she says that to you. Say NO.

Well as the song says ...

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

(http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/happychr.htm)

Funny how she wants DVD's back at this time of year? A way of getting in touch with you indirectly? Make you think of her?

What is it Puppy says ... embrace the suck!

From P who is in an exceptionally good and determined mood (and there is no alcohol involved - I'm driving). Off to deliver some presents ala Mr Claus style. Need to get dressed up first though as you can't confront enemy intelligence without looking your best!

[avermont]

Hey cutter and newmama--

Thanks for the invite over to infidelity land. Not the place that anyone wants to be!

I'm looking for your threads on LL, but can't find it. I do have the book, and as I have a bazillion hours of travel between here and my sister in NM, I will have read every book recommended on this site by the time I get back.

Yes, sometimes these boards are too hard. I spend a lot of time here; sometimes it is supportive; other times I get more depressed.

Still struggling with the proper 180, as you know. We are NC just because that's how it is...neither has anything to say to each other.

I went with cutter's advice to not contact X about going away over the holidays. I contacted the tenants and told them to be sure to call the service men/contractors in case of emergency. And I called the servicemen/contractors and told them to handle all emergencies. Didn't even list X's phone # on the contact info.

I am out and about and busy, and even beginning to have a morsel of fun while doing things. (instead of just slogging through them in a depressed but I'm doing this sort of way)

I'm supposed to go to the bar tonight with a friend from rescue, but am still too freaked out that X and OW will go there tonight. Have GOT to get past that.

Also--I feel like this isn't an "affair." I feel like he left one relationship and entered another. I am just off the books, gone away, of no account. So, other than doing the DB things FOR MYSELF, I feel like there is no DB to be doing that would R the the relationship.

But--you all have families and Christmas traditions that are upended and very very hard to get through right now, and my problems are pretty minimal compared to that.

So to all of you with children and Christmas--I wish you all the peace and blessings you can find at this difficult time.

Next Christmas will be better.

[chatterbug]

Its in newmama's thread. Last few pages. It seems P's , newmama, and my threads have all kind of woven togheter. Good to see ya girl. I gotta find something to do tonight as well. No kids here either.



Enjoy your trip.

[chatterbug]

Hey cutter and newmama--

Thanks for the invite over to infidelity land. Not the place that anyone wants to be!

We have better rollercoasters.
Infidelity land. Building bigger and better rollercoasters since the dawn of humanity. And we have a dropzone as well

[P17]

Update.

Dropped off a present for W's friend's son. She is a nice girl.

Ended up staying there for just over 2 hours chatting about life, babies, and of course W. Told her a few home truths about her friend that maybe I shouldn't have. The girl is so easy to talk to it's difficult to not get carried away. However I did tell her that it was over between me and W and that the marriage is dead. I also made it clear that if W was not going to be D's step-mother anymore, then she needs to leave us alone.

Friend was very supportive on me stopping contact with D. She has a 6 year old boy. She basically agrees with everything I have done. She disagrees with W's Facebook stuff.

There is stuff going on in the background - she let that slip but didn't elaborate and changed the subject.

She gives me the impression there is no chance of any reconcilliation. W has moved on completely with her new life. She kept telling me it was good that I had come to terms with it all being over. The last time I spoke to her she was saying maybe the time apart is what we needed ... change of stance there.

I also had the full story from D about what W said to her earlier:

1. D said she missed W and W said she missed her too but mummy and daddy wouldn't let her see her.

2. She couldn't let D have her present as mummy hadn't texted her.

W is using D as a pawn against me and D's mum. It will backfire on her and I hope she stops doing it for her and D's sake.

It hurts again to hear that W has moved on but I obviously knew it anyway.

Friend also hasn't seen her much as W is working a lot and spending all her other time with OM (as expected). She also said that W said she had been unhappy for a while (more script).

It was a good talk. I GAL'd, did 180's, talked about me and friend said that I seemed a lot happier.

The most important bit for me, and the bit I hope is passed on is that I want me and D to be left alone.

Just an update, nothing more. Tired. Off to bed now. Santa will be here soon ...