No, I was not saying you should request to be her friend! I meant that W would only know if you were checking up on her on FB if you requested to be her friend. My other reaction to her changing it to private is because she is feeling the need to keep her relationship with OM as private...ashamed perhaps? Lots of people are learning the truth?
But we all know the problem with mind reading!
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D spoke to me yesterday and told me that she had thought about what I had said and said she didn't want to speak to W anymore because she didn't want her telling her anymore lies.
Oh, what a smart little girl you have!!
How's it going between you and D's mom?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
No, I was not saying you should request to be her friend! I meant that W would only know if you were checking up on her on FB if you requested to be her friend.
Ahh. I see what you mean.
I never checked up on her (another gold star for me). Other seem to although it has been less and less now. I've actually just spent an entire day and I mentioned W once (as D's mum when she went to the shop if W was working there - that was it). Definitely a brownie point for me.
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My other reaction to her changing it to private is because she is feeling the need to keep her relationship with OM as private...ashamed perhaps? Lots of people are learning the truth? But we all know the problem with mind reading!
It could be. It could be a thousand reasons. If everything is so settled, why make it private it all unless it's to hide it from me (and why would she care what I think anyway or whether I knew or not!).
Anyway.
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Oh, what a smart little girl you have!!
That she is. Sometimes too smart though
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How's it going between you and D's mom?
Very well. A little too well. But that is a story for another time!
Feeling pretty low tonight.
Watched a program earlier that me and W used to watch and never finished the series of. Got to thinking that I may not see her again. Hear from her again. How she can erase 7 years of our life together so quickly. How she can change so quickly. How much of a coward she is. All of that stuff came out tonight. I'm not bad, just a little low. Will be better tomorrow.
Feel NC was the wrong thing for the relationship but the right thing for me ... NC for me is more important but I wonder what it would have been like had I continued the contact with D and I.
What to do now? Just sit and wait for the A to end while GALing?
Last edited by P17; 12/30/0902:08 AM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
What to do now? Just sit and wait for the A to end while GALing?
Yep. And who knows what you might discover about yourself while GALing! Tell us your GAL plans!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
No, I was not saying you should request to be her friend! I meant that W would only know if you were checking up on her on FB if you requested to be her friend.
Ahh. I see what you mean.
I never checked up on her (another gold star for me). Other seem to although it has been less and less now. I've actually just spent an entire day and I mentioned W once (as D's mum when she went to the shop if W was working there - that was it). Definitely a brownie point for me.
Quote:
My other reaction to her changing it to private is because she is feeling the need to keep her relationship with OM as private...ashamed perhaps? Lots of people are learning the truth? But we all know the problem with mind reading!
It could be. It could be a thousand reasons. If everything is so settled, why make it private it all unless it's to hide it from me (and why would she care what I think anyway or whether I knew or not!).
Anyway.
Quote:
Oh, what a smart little girl you have!!
That she is. Sometimes too smart though
Quote:
How's it going between you and D's mom?
Very well. A little too well. But that is a story for another time!
Feeling pretty low tonight.
Watched a program earlier that me and W used to watch and never finished the series of. Got to thinking that I may not see her again. Hear from her again. How she can erase 7 years of our life together so quickly. How she can change so quickly. How much of a coward she is. All of that stuff came out tonight. I'm not bad, just a little low. Will be better tomorrow.
Feel NC was the wrong thing for the relationship but the right thing for me ... NC for me is more important but I wonder what it would have been like had I continued the contact with D and I.
What to do now? Just sit and wait for the A to end while GALing?
well I think you have read my thread and thats what mostlikley would be happening if you still made contact.
NC is very very nice for self healing but I feel that with her contacting me again it just put me back to the early parts of my stich... missing her and thinking about her every 10 min or so it will get better as time goes on. I think you are doing the right thing though. and its most likely a long long road. however it turns out... You tried and thats more than what most people can say
What to do now? Just sit and wait for the A to end while GALing?
Yep. And who knows what you might discover about yourself while GALing! Tell us your GAL plans!
Without going into specifics, my GAL plans are to find out what I on locally and get to as much as I can that interests me. I want to be selfish for a while and do what I want to do, within reason of course. I want to put myself out there as much as possible.
All of these are complete 180's for a guy who rarely went out.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
well I think you have read my thread and thats what mostlikley would be happening if you still made contact.
I went back over your thread WL. I'm sorry for the problems you're having just now. Would ignoring her not have worked though?
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NC is very very nice for self healing but I feel that with her contacting me again it just put me back to the early parts of my stich... missing her and thinking about her every 10 min or so it will get better as time goes on.
NC is good for self healing and it is working a lot better than I thought for that. However I just keep feeling it has killed any possible R for my M. I have to weigh that up though and decide whether it was better to have a chance at R or a better me. However much it pains me to say it, it is better to have a better me.
I would liked to have found out how carrying on with contact would have panned out though.
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I think you are doing the right thing though. and its most likely a long long road. however it turns out... You tried and thats more than what most people can say
It's a very VERY long road and one that I don't know if I want to keep walking down or not. I feel a total fool wasting my time on the thoughts and love for a woman who has erased me and D from her life. She is moving on with her life and I don't feel I'm moving on properly with mine. I'm trying but it's hard to GAL with confidence when you know the one person you trusted completely in your life betrayed you.
That's stuff we ALL deal with though. Not just me.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Well, I have just confirmed W is no longer living with us here on planet Earth. Maybe I'm overreacting but if I know my W at all (or at least the old one) this is a biggie - although it may not seem it to you guys. Excuse the length of this post but I have been saying 'W what have you done' for the last 10 minutes and I need to know if I'm losing the plot of she has.
I was just in the attic for the winter quilt for the bed (it's pretty cold here!). Found it. Noticed an old box that I'd never seen before (since W cleared out her stuff a lot of boxes that were at the back are now at the front). It said picture frames and pictures on it. It was still sealed. Thought I'd take a look.
Well in there is a pile of pictures that W brought from her old house (she sold her house to move here). Nothing unusual in that. But my W loves her pictures. She doesn't just choose things cause they look pretty. She picks pictures of her favourite artists that depict love, attraction etc. etc. So these pictures are pretty special. Okay, maybe she missed the box but it was sitting there on it's own so it's not something she could have missed.
So maybe she just didn't look in it. Okay.
I then noticed another box. A box that is different from every single other box in the attic (and there are not many left). It's also a different colour. Stands out like a sore thumb.
Had a look inside. It is FULL of old pictures. Pictures of when she was a child. Pictures of her parents, grandparents, pack after pack after pack of photos. None of the pictures are of me or D as these are OLD pictures. My W is very attached to old pictures of her and her family. I have no idea in the world why she left this box. None at all. And she DID leave it, she didn't skip over it. It was left deliberately. There is no way she could have missed this box unless she had suddenly gone blind. WHY? Why on EARTH would she leave these photos? That makes no sense to me.
But there is more.
I open another box and another and another all around the one where the photos are. It's boxes and boxes and boxes of books. Not sure modern books that you could easily leave or chuck to the charity shop but old OLD books - books from the 40's and 50's - Gone With The Wind in hard back (in the old green cloth hardbacks before they put the covers on), self help books, lots of books about love and sex. Old OLD books.
Bascially, this is effing weird. Just strange. My W loves books (Gone With The Wind being her favourite). She loves old photos of her family. She loves painting / pictures. All of which she left. My question for somebody up there who may be listening - what EXACTLY did she take from the attic if she left the stuff that I thought was most important to her in the world?!?!?!!? At least, most important to the OLD her.
She went through the attic around 4 and a half months ago. In ALL that time she has never ONCE asked for any of that stuff. Since NC she has never once asked for ANYTHING out of the house.
I am reading nothing into this like she is coming back yada yada. What I am reading into it is that for somebody to leave the most important things in their lives behind and never once ask for them confirms with me two things 1) she has TOTALLY changed (and I mean TOTALLY) 2) she has left this planet for another.
I can MAYBE understand the pictures / paintings (maybe she is thinking I will start again with new ones). The books I can't really understand, especially the old ones as they have no memories of me or D (these books have been in packing boxes for 3 and a half years). But the photos? The photos I don't get. I REALLY don't get. She has erased the last 7 years with me and D but you cannot erase your life before now. You just can't do it. How can somebody function without any record of who they were?!?
Am I going mad and rambling about nothing or is this strange?
On the good news I found the copy of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus that I was pestering her for (prior to NC) so it's not all bad!
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
P, I've seen the same with my WAH. I would have thought he would ask for those things (old family photos of his family, special books, clothing, winter coats, sentimental items), but I guess it doesn't go with the new him. ?? He has asked for new school photos of the kids though.
Funny how he told the kids I was capable of burning down the house, but he leaves those things in my possession for 8 months. Crazy talk. Guess that goes with the believe nothing they say and 50% of actions.
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
yep, mine did the same, she left a bunch of pictures of the kids, her old photos so so much stuff.. its sad.. she even told me to throw away the stuff she left!!! WTF? she left things that just cant be replaced ever again.. but you know its that fog. I think thats what makes it differant from just starting another R its really to the bone a fake relationship. because If it where real they would still want these things for later on in life
Me 4. Wife has no pictures, No music, No books. Just clothes , shoes and accessories. All her memories are here. Highschool, pre-school. Etc... All tossed in boxes. Awaiting for her to pick up. I guess eventually it gets tossed. I have no attachment to that stuff.
Perhaps its the guilt blinders that keep them from that stuff. As its ground. And plus who would want daily reminders of the fact your living a lie.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
it will get better as time goes on. I think you are doing the right thing though. and its most likely a long long road. however it turns out... You tried and thats more than what most people can say