NC - W vanished ...

[wifeleft2009]

Me 4. Wife has no pictures, No music, No books. Just clothes , shoes and accessories. All her memories are here. Highschool, pre-school. Etc... All tossed in boxes. Awaiting for her to pick up. I guess eventually it gets tossed. I have no attachment to that stuff.

Perhaps its the guilt blinders that keep them from that stuff. As its ground. And plus who would want daily reminders of the fact your living a lie.

thats why IMOP its a hint they are lliving that lie.. although they may not want the M back when they wake out of the fog they will wish they had there past

[newmama]

It shows me the WSs are not in their right minds when they left! Not thinking clearly! and (am I the only one who dares say this) they want an excuse to stay in touch...gotta contact you to get the stuff back!

[chatterbug]

Hey P. Happy new year my friend. Not too much wine I will try another phone call today... After my run. I did not sleep too much. had the weirdest dream about ladybug. We meet up and did something. Cannot remember what. But she had my camera and gave it to me and it showed me pictures of her other life. I can remember 10 or 20 of the pictures. Man what a dodgy dream. Anyways that woke me up and I did not sleep too much after that. Problem was that it was at 2AM... So I was on and off... And just stayed in bed to 10AM.

Its funny eh P. How the brain works. A constant overdrive on one issue for months. I can see how some people just shut down and give up. Good thing were strong P. Good thing were strong.

Anyways. I got your back this year. 2010. Cutter.

P.S. did you get my message on the anwsering machine. Would hate to be calling some one else

[P17]

Thanks everybody for the replies. This particular issue has me sitting like a dog listening to a high pitched whistle (you know the way they tilt their head to the side as if to say 'don't get it').

You can sit there and explain this to me from now until doomsday and I simply will not get this.

I know they are all doing it but I simply don't get how somebody can walk away from their childhood life? Especially somebody like W who treasures these memories (she didn't have a great childhood). I can, however much it hurts, understand how she can walk away with no pictures of me (although she did take one of our wedding photos of me and her which didn't make a lot of sense). I can even understand why she would take no pictures of D. I cannot understand how she can abandon her childhood pictures (and as I said she didn't miss them unless she had temporary blindness). It is as if she has started a completely new life starting when she left. A COMPLETELY new life from day 1.

I went through the box of picture frames / pictures again and it's actually got a lot of newspaper articicles, programs etc. from when D was in amateur dramatics when she was younger. I mean things when she was 13 or 14 younger. When I lived with her these were all over the house (as you'd expect). Now she hasn't even taken them with her.

Very very upset at this. Really upset. Not because it reminds me of her or that I miss her or anything else. I am really upset because I really worry about a persons mind who can do that. Whether it was somebody I loved or not, it would cause me concern.

Cutter and WL - I couldn't throw these things away. I could store them and not give them to her until I felt ready but I couldn't effectively destroy somebody's memories. That's a line I couldn't cross. That little girl that my W once was needs her photos and her memories of her mum and dad and brother.

Cutter - I see what you are saying about the daily reminders of the fact you are living a lie. But you're not with these photos, books and pictures as they have nothing to do with me. They are all from WAAAY before I met W. So having them won't be reminders of them living a lie, IMO.

Newmama - the potential for contact could be right. But I think the potential, as seen in cutter's new sitch, is probably not for good and loving reasons but for control, chance to release guilt and blame shift. Once agian thought you always see the positive. I wish I had a pocket one of you!

Anyway, I don't get this. I really don't get it at all. I always thought W was actually fine, dealt with everything and had moved on without the FOG or guilt. I can now see that she is as much in the FOG as every other WAS we talk about. My wife is an alien. That is also clear now.

It's sad. It really is. That wonderful, incredible and amazing girl I married is gone. I always thought that somebody up there was smiling on me when I met W. I was being rewarded for something or being given something that would guide me in my life (and I'm not religious) but I suppose my guide was only temporary. She has got me this far, maybe the rest of the journey is mine to walk on my own.

Anyway, rambling now.

[P17]

Hey P. Happy new year my friend. Not too much wine I will try another phone call today... After my run. I did not sleep too much. had the weirdest dream about ladybug. We meet up and did something. Cannot remember what. But she had my camera and gave it to me and it showed me pictures of her other life. I can remember 10 or 20 of the pictures. Man what a dodgy dream. Anyways that woke me up and I did not sleep too much after that. Problem was that it was at 2AM... So I was on and off... And just stayed in bed to 10AM.

That is a bit strange. I had a similar dream about W this morning that involved a camera and photos (probably something to do with the fact all I thought about was her photos in the attic last night). I can remember nothing else of the dream other than she looked like the girl I married and not the one that left (the old and new W also looked as well as behaved differently) and we were still separated. Strange. I hate dreaming about her. I have done it a few times this week.

Its funny eh P. How the brain works. A constant overdrive on one issue for months. I can see how some people just shut down and give up. Good thing were strong P. Good thing were strong.

I can completely understand how people cut ties and give up too. I don't see it as strength though. I just see it as some people just can't get their head into the right state to be able to accept the sitch as it is. I don't know if I'm there yet or not. I am a lot stronger than I was when I started this (and my IC concur's).

But yeah, the brain is travelling at a 1000 miles an hour (mine always did so no change there :)) and then you slow it down, relax, analyse, accept, feel, act and all the while stay calm. At least that is the way with me. I haven't felt this clam and relaxed in a long time. In fact, since W left I have removed two medical problems from my life - one of which was psychological and the other they though was medical. Turns out both of them were psychological and the sitch was to blame!

Anyways. I got your back this year. 2010. Cutter.

Good man. I've got yours too. I'm sorry to hear that ladybug is turning up the heat as all of her other efforts to wrestle control haven't worked. I have no doubt though that you'll be able to handle it. Like a lot of WAS's when they resume contact, they don't realise who they are actually dealing with anymore. They will use those tactics that worked on the old LBS that now wash over the new one

P.S. did you get my message on the anwsering machine. Would hate to be calling some one else

I did get your message. Sorry mate I have been literally run off my feet. I'm actually about to go out and get the webcam working for our town's New Year party (I do that every year). For those of you on FB you will be able to see the link I post. I am then off to D's mum's and then the party itself. Maybe see you on the other side of 2010

[newmama]

I can now see that she is as much in the FOG as every other WAS we talk about. My wife is an alien. That is also clear now.

Wooohoooo! Lightbulb moment! Okay, now that you have bought into the fact that she is just like a typical WAS (having an A) maybe you will be open to reviewing the formula or the predictable path that WSs take!!

[P17]

Wooohoooo! Lightbulb moment! Okay, now that you have bought into the fact that she is just like a typical WAS (having an A) maybe you will be open to reviewing the formula or the predictable path that WSs take!!

What do you mean?

[Tostada]

my x also left stuff behind in boxes, like lots of pictures, kids pictures, us pictures. everything about the past was left behind. I even ended up with the silver, crystal, and china that was pretty much given to us as wedding presents. I dont know what I'm going to do with that stuff. when she moved out, the low blow was her wedding dress was put out on my bed. dont know if she put it there or if someone else put it there. I threw it downstairs on the floor by the back door. She grabbed it on her next trip by and growled at me that it was on the floor....why would that matter?

[newmama]

P, I mean that you have been saying that your W is different than the other WSs..that she won't respond to the techniques and that she is gone forever. But now that you realize she is just another WS, then you can have confidence in your NC techniques.
("NC...designed with WSs in mind..." sounds like a good tagline!)

[LiveToLearn]

Same exact situation here when my wife left. Just took clothes mountain bike and snowboard. Those were all things that I asked her to do with me but she never really wanted to.

Now all of a sudden she is a born again wild child. She refers to herself as a born again heathen... so strange since she was such a moral and chaste woman. All that is gone now. She left everything else. I guess this is normal???

Sad really!