my x also left stuff behind in boxes, like lots of pictures, kids pictures, us pictures. everything about the past was left behind. I even ended up with the silver, crystal, and china that was pretty much given to us as wedding presents. I dont know what I'm going to do with that stuff. when she moved out, the low blow was her wedding dress was put out on my bed. dont know if she put it there or if someone else put it there. I threw it downstairs on the floor by the back door. She grabbed it on her next trip by and growled at me that it was on the floor....why would that matter?
Not nice. Mine left it hanging up in a closet. The only piece of clothes she did not take. I left it there.
I am sorry that this was done to you. I understand how much that hurt. I truly understand.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I get it today. Today has been HARD. A lot harder than I even imagined.
I was good last night. Didn't talk about W at all, except when D's mum referred to her as my ex-W and I corrected her. She also said again that I would take her back in a flash if she came back - corrected her again and said I couldn't. Nothing else happened.
I had a fallout with D's mum over some stuff. I felt she was disrespecting me and using me. Turns out it was a miscommunication and it's all sorted now.
However this made me realise how much of an emotional crutch I have been using her for. When I thought I had lost her (as in a friend) it terrified me. It really did. I have felt so lonely today. Really lonely. For the first time in a while I'm reminded of this empty house and me rattling about in it on my own.
Have been cleaning today. Cleaning and tidying.
I have also been getting rid of more of W's stuff. The box I filled with her reminders has been sitting in my bedroom for about 6 weeks now. I finally taped the box up. Wrote W on it and it's now waiting to go up the loft. I was going to repack it (as it was just all thrown in) but I couldn't face it. Too many memories in that box. Far too many for me to see again.
Myself and D did the traditional New Years Day walk to a local landmark. That was also a little weird today as it was me, W, D and the dog last year. Now it was me, D and her mum's dog. The walk is actually along the coast and anybody who knows anything about this part of the country and this years knows ... it's cold and windy! We did it. I took lots of photos (as is traditional) and we had a nice time.
D spoke to me a few days ago while I was at her mums. She called me aside and said that she would now like to speak to W again after she said she didn't. I said that was fine. Whatever she wanted to do, just remember what W tells her she needs to think about carefully. She was fine with that. I also told her I'd give her W's mobile number so she could text or call her. Not sure about this last bit - trying to balance up being a dad, protecting D and allowing her to keep contact and make her own choices.
I asked D today if she wanted to call W but she said she didn't. I think I secretly was trying to use D to establish contact with W as I was having a bad day. It's wrong, but I'm just being honest. I was kind of glad and disappointed (at the same time) when she said no.
I also texted MIL and FIL last night just to wish them a happy new year. They are not well so going to bed early but wished us both a happy new year too. It is actually quite nice to get back something more than a simple 'happy new year' back. I told them I was sorry to hear they were not well and wished them better health.
I find myself going to the front door 2-3 times a day to see if W has put anything through the letterbox - card, letter, something. There is never anything there but I keep checking. Sad I know.
I was hoping the start to 2010 would be a little better than it has been but it's early days. Not lapsed yet but feeling very weak and lonely today. Almost lapsed twice so far - once to drive past W's house to see if they were there and I also thought about calling / texting W to say Happy New Year ... I didn't.
So just a tough day today. My heart goes out to everybody going through this today. It's not easy.
I get D tomorrow for a week to stay with me so that will help. Off up back into the attic to put some things away and go through the rest of the boxes that are left up there so what other hidden gems W has left ...
Onwards and upwards.
Last edited by P17; 01/01/1010:48 PM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
P you are a good man. Same wavelenght. Yea it was the hardest night yet. And so many months later. I actually had a cry today driving home from hockey. I heard that song from the beginning of my thread. And just broke down. Good thing I was alone in the car.
Good thing is that there are only so many sad days in a year. And we both got one gone now. So 1 less for the rest of the year.
I did not think once to call or text ladybug to say Happy new year. Not once.
Those boxes will have to go one day. When you move on. You get rid of them. If you meet someone new... are you going to keep a shrine up there ???? No....
And if that day comes and she says she does not want them. Then donate them. And what does not get donated gets tossed. Not your memories. Not your stuff.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
P you are a good man. Same wavelenght. Yea it was the hardest night yet. And so many months later. I actually had a cry today driving home from hockey. I heard that song from the beginning of my thread. And just broke down. Good thing I was alone in the car.
I almost broke down myself earlier while watching TV. Won't go into the whole saga but it was a Xmas special of a program me and W used to watch. I stopped myself though. Haven't had a cry in a little while now.
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Those boxes will have to go one day. When you move on. You get rid of them. If you meet someone new... are you going to keep a shrine up there ???? No....
You misunderstand cutter. I have no intention whatsoever of having a shrine to her. None at all. The boxes sitting in the bedroom (3 now!?!) are all of her things that are in the house, things she has given me (t-shirts, cards, nik naks, photos) that I wanted out of here. I put them all in a box and they will now be going into the attic. I have two plans to do with the stuff in the attic - the stuff I am about to put up there will be getting burned on the day of the big D along with the wedding cake being eaten (that is now my big D cake).
The stuff that is in the attic that is personal to her (DVD's, videos, books, CD's photos etc.) will be dropped off at her parents one day when I'm down there. I'm not going to destroy her photographs and books. These are things that she had way before she met me and I have no right to damage them.
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And if that day comes and she says she does not want them. Then donate them. And what does not get donated gets tossed. Not your memories. Not your stuff.
That would require communication!
If she doesn't want them I will still drop the personal stuff off at her parents. She can then take responsibility for destroying it should she need to. I'm not taking that job on.
I'm going through the attic just now and I've found so much other stuff - music, DVD's, videos ... the list goes on and on and on. It upsets me to see her stuff there, to look at her old photos and to see her again. But then this whole thing upsets and confuses me so WTF is new.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
Where did you read about exit affairs? My x hated confrontation and rotates through a big circle of friends mainly because when something bothered her,shed just rotate to someone else, then over a period of time, work her way back.
She also says she didn't leave me for this joker, yet they were screwing around while we were married and now are together, so whatever.
