Calling out the Piecers

[RonD]

I couldn't agree with Puppy more. It's an opportunity for a NEW relationship. If you except things as they were before, you'll likely wind up right back in divorce court.

A critical thing in rebuilding my relationship with my ex is the presumption on both our parts that this is a new relationship from the ground up. We've identified and taken steps to correct many of the issues that caused the rift. I feel assured that we are on the right path this time, and so does she. Wouldn't work any other way.

That being said, remember that she likely doesn't have the insights that you have on what's going on with the two of you (this site and a couple of others have been real eye-openers for me) so be patient, but don't cave in. And don't make any hasty decisions one way or the other until you're sure you understand and can accept the possible outcomes.

Good luck to you!

[Gnosis]

Ahem... if I might pipe in here... Dis be da way dat Gno sees dis...

Your Ex pulled the oldest trick in the book on you. S-E-X. She expected to own your azz after that unselfish act. But it didn't happen! SHOCK! Now what? Panic! Panic! Panic!

Now be da time brutha. Time to step up and be da man. You've got the power Dylan. Use it wisely.

[dday101798]

Thanks all.

Puppy, understood, loud and clear, thanks for the reminder. I was sounding off here, and venting, nothing of any sort of that transpired to her. This is why I re-booked my psych visits starting today. My defenses are on overload, not that I'm getting defensive with her, far from it, but I'm just over analyzing everything with that voice in the back of my head saying, watch it, this might hurt. Ya know?

That said and to respond to Mr Gno, I think it may be both things. I certainly think she expected me to turn to puddy and instantly snap into "yes, dear" mode after the night together and is freaking because that didn't happen. I also think she may freaking out as well to the fact that although I didn't say anything about it, she could tell that when we were trying to ML again, thoughts of her and OM starting bouncing around and prohibited it. So maybe that plays a part?

Then, there's this, and we have spoken openly of it as it's an open conflict between (x)W and my cousin. It just really seems that not only has my cousin tried to take on that 'motherly role' with me, she's also in some way reliving the security factor of her H through me? I mean she went from having her H around to take care of everything in the house, much like I do, "hey this outlet is broken, be right back" and poof no more broken outlet. This would greatly explain the blow-up at Christmas and my cousin's end reason being because she misses her H? She has since taken down the "to do list" as well, although all the practical things there in were done anyway.

And in the same right I think that may also play onto (x)W's clinginess. She sees that my cousin is getting the 'yes dear, I'll get this done for youright now' treatment she hap-hazzardly threw to the wayside and wants it back.

(x)W did call me on the way home from work and we touched on that a bit. She did calm down. But was still freaking out about having to go to the bank and store and all. All I could say was that was sorry, but this week has been booked, and I need to take care of it. She wasn't too happy about it, but all I could come up with was if her father had asked her to do something for him, wouldn't he be upset with her if she just dropped everything to be with me? Surely he would.

(x)W's new rationale was she was going to get an apartment and I AM to move in immediately so we can live seperately of all the outside interference. I had to say over and over, I can't do that, I have responsibilities to take care of, and everybody needs an adjustment period. She's still not happy with that. I did throw the idea out there tho that it would be nice if she got a place be it our house or apartment that instead of bringing the kids out to now my cramped place, I stay with them on "my" weekends, she liked that.

Anyway, in the end, I took care of everyting I promissed my cousin I would and then some. All the while (x)W was calling/messaging constantly about where a bank branch was to cash the check but didn't know how she'd get the kids dinner. By this time, I was done, so I compromised and said, I'm done with my work, be there in 25 minutes and all was well. We missed the bank, but got the boys dinner and then (x)W and I went out for a sandwich and some time together.

We talked for a while and everything is cool. We both want this work. (x)W even pitched the idea of going to MC to work out the lingering D issues.

So, everything seems a bit better today. I called (x)W this morning, versus texting, and she was happy. She practically melted when I told her to have a great day.

[Goodfight]

I'm glad things are better today for you.

[dday101798]

Thannks GF,

Yup things are back on smoother surface. Although, even during these little turbulant moments, we are still being very respectful of how we speak to one another and not to just chuck something out there just to piss the other off [edit - we were VERY good at pissing one another off for a long, long time]. We kind of even commented about that mutually the other day. So, things are certainly a lot better than ever on that aspect and should continue as so, we're very committed to not screwing this up.

One other oddity from my ramblings I still don't understand tho and a lttle disturbed by is I don't get why (x)W was so seemingly unconcerned about protection on New Years? I mean at one point she had this look like, 'go right ahead'. Historicaly, neither of us liked the usage, took away from things, and well, we were supposed to be the only ones we were with. She was also on the shot so that took care of the pregnancy issue. Now she's not, and I know I ahve a clean bill of health, but have yet to even come remotely anywhere near asking if she's been checked up. She does however, claim, that her and OM were more of EA and there wasn't all that much between them.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think you'd be wise to insist that she have a full-panel STD test, and SHOW YOU THE RESULTS, both now and again in 6 months, and you should do the same.

To do any less is playing Russian roulette with your health. Since most waywards cop to one level LESS than their real involvement, there's a high likelihood that the two of them had been physical at some point.

I also think there's no way in Hell she'll DO that, and she'll flip out, but oh well -- it's YOUR HEALTH we're talking about, and I'm not telling you anything that your doctor wouldn't advise similarly. At a MINIMUM, get YOURSELF tested. I did.

Puppy

[dday101798]

Hey pup, how it going?

No, we used, I'm not that silly. It will come up soon enough, especially when things are at a 'regular' basis, perhaps even before that since she is pretty sincere about attending MC, it can be addressed there. I don't care if she likes it or not, flip or doesn't flip, it's only fair.

I have more than enough docotr appointments upcoming and they already know of the situation, and I've already tested just in case of any surprises in not knowing how long they were or were not together. Ok enough of that thought Anyway, so it will no doubt be recommended to have mine checked regularly.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Very good.

[dday101798]

Heh, just killing a few minutes before going to the IC and started re-reading the start of this thread. I am happy to reflect a month (miniscule amount of time to some) later and know we are still steaming forward and not looking back.

[jon2911]

Great stuff, have a good time in counseling!

Looks like we both had a little New Year's fun. Interesting the effect it can have on us and our W's. Almost always more positive than negative in these sitch's IMO.