That is a very good question... when to raise something and when to try to sort out our own emotions... something I struggle with, as you know
But... it sounds like at this point, there is nothing valid for you to raise an issue about. People at work say stupid things like that without knowing your sitch. But, I would trust your instincts about that woman, and if there does end up being any socializing, increased contact etc. definitely say something.
That's my two cents for what it's worth at this point in my own sitch...
it does make me uncomfortable when he chooses to hang out with people who actively condoned his affair and worked to split us up.
Understandable.
BF got me a lovely Tahitian pearl pendant for Christmas, just what I wanted. It's the first time he's ever bought me jewelry that didn't involve being at the store with me when I picked something out and just handing over his credit card. I have mentioned that I wanted Tahitian pearls a couple years ago so he isn't a total gift genius, but it's nice to know that he can pay attention if he so chooses.
That's wonderful that he remembered what you like and picked out something romantic and personal just for you, all on his own.
at first I was skittish about him working with so many women, but I can't do anything about it so I just let it go.
If he is trustworthy, it won't matter how many women he works with.
But then I met this woman and immediately got a bad vibe about her. . . . he's going to be working long hours for two straight weeks starting Saturday.
Pay attention to your bad vibe about her, but that doesn't mean that she can come between you and BF. People say dumb things sometimes and the remark may or may not have any basis in reality. You are lucky to have friend M.
My inclination would be to say nothing to BF about it. If anything more odd comes up, M will likely tell you. If there is anything going on, telling BF would just alert him about M.
Have you talked with BF about what would help you feel better as he is working these long hours?
I feel bad thinking ill of someone I don't even know, but you know how it is once you've been burned.
Dudess, as soon as I read your reply I turned to BF and asked him about what would be happening communication-wise during the next couple weeks. He assured me that everyone in the department will be working and he will continue to call me to let me know what's going on. I doubt they will feel like going out to socialize afterwards until the last day (that's where the trouble started with OW). And the good news is that my friend M will be there too and I know if anything happens she will let me know. BF knows that M will tell me everything so I'm not tipping my hand there (she was ready to only invite me to her wedding next summer even though BF is her boss).
I will be going out of town for a few days during this heavy work time. When I booked the trip I thought it was great timing because BF will be so busy that he won't have time to spend with me and he might like to come home to a quiet house for a few of those days. Now I'm slightly anxious about going but I know once I get there I'll be too busy having fun to think about it.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
What a good plan to have booked that time for yourself when BF is so busy! These are things I am learning from you... to be more proactive about those kinds of things.
And great that you asked BF so directly about the communication. More than likely, it all turns out to be nothing...
PH, Those are all very common emotions after getting burned like we have. It's like you're hyper-vigilant to any threat.
I get that. Been there, done that, and still have those same feelings on a fairly regular basis. And I've struggled with how to deal with those emotions. Just here a few weeks ago I remember thinking to myself, ya know what? IF W would ever let herself go down that path again, I'm done. I told her probably a year ago that in this kind of sitch, she's had her one strike and this isn't baseball and she doesn't get another. So after sorting through that and realizing I'm a whole lot stronger and have regained my self esteem after the mess, that I know and she knows what the result would be if she let herself go there again so I'm just not going to waste any energy worrying about it. And it seems to have helped me relax some when she comes home from work and tells me about conversations she's had with men at work.
Don't get me wrong, there's one guy in particular that makes me nervous, especially with the comments that W says he makes about how she looks, etc, but when she tells me those things we talk about it I feel better. I'm pretty sure W get's how she let herself slide with OM and she won't let herself go there with this guy. But if there's one thing I've learned in this mess, it's you can't control anyone but yourself and your actions and if she would go there with this guy or any other guy, then there's no way I'd want to spend the rest of my life with her, so why worry about it?
Ok, I know that was quite the ramble. I hope it makes sense what I was trying to say.
Keep your chin up. It's just another of one of those mines in the mine field that we piecer's have to navigate.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Thanks for the perspective Hope. Yes, you're right, we both know that if it ever happens again that I will be finished for good. In fact we almost hit that point a few months ago when I found flirtatious emails with another female coworker. He realized it was inappropriate and deleted the messages so I wouldn't find them and freak out. Well, they weren't really deleted and I did find them and the fact that he tried to hide it made the situation ten times worse. At that point I was ready to walk because I told him I will not go through this again. So he knows I'm dead serious and I need to just remember that and not spend energy worrying about it.
Again, thanks, this is just what I needed today.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Listening to the radio yesterday I heard an ad for the Avon 2-day Breast Cancer Walk. I just tensed up because OW did that walk right before the throes of the affair began. So I got pissy every time I heard the ad last year. Now it's starting up again and I have the same reaction. Which in turn makes me feel like a bad person because I dislike a charity (and Habitat for Humanity because OW was always talking about how much she volunteers).
Grrr.
But I'll get over it eventually. Today I'm focusing on getting ready for my solo trip to SF. Can't wait!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
There are still songs I hear on the radio that set me off, even tho things are going very well between my wife and me. Songs that were on the air during the summer of '07, when she had her affair. Very tough to listen to.
