NC - W vanished ...

[chatterbug]

Well P lets go ask them to chim in all our stiches. Create a request in new commers for them to come here and give us an update and offer suggestions for improvement and what to expect next.

P.S.

You are in depression now. Look at your symptoms.

I would suggest that you set your alarm clock early starting tomorrow and get your butt out of bed and go for a good walk to get your body going. Time to fight your depression. Gal it and 180 it. Make sure you drink 7 to 10 glasses of water. Drink 1 glass as soon as you wake up. One while on the walk. One when you get back. Then drink water during the day.

Stop on the booze for awhile. I know you do not drink much. But just stop on it for a little while.

Exercise. If you start to feel down. Go out and walk it off.
Do an evening walk as well.

Fight this while you work through it.

This is a great chance to show yourself how strong you are.

[chatterbug]

P... You still have to post your reply to that super long post from the other day.

And lets now chanage the topic to D's Mom.

I am going to offer a suggestion to you.

This is going to be tough on you.

But you need to thank her for being a great mom and a great friend. Thank her for everything she has done the last few months , years in your lives. And how you look forward to seeing D. It is the highlight of your week. Life.

I would recommend you do this with a card. Well written letter in the card. And keep it on that topic. But it has to end with this below.

And then you need to tell her you need some time to process some additional grief. And you need to do this on your own.

Then you need to back off.

And take the time to lean on yourself. D's mom has been there for you. You have leaned on her. But I think you are becoming attached. This is not the time. You are not ready. I would hate to see you lose all this hard work.

[Day by Day]

Ride this and I think you have dropped the rope on your (old) M but truthfully I doubt you have dropped it on her YET.

Why do you say that? I'm also wondering - if I drop the rope, jeez, is that it game over ... that worries me and excites me at the same time.

P, I'm exploring these same feelings. I've dropped the rope on the M, and there's maybe a little string still attached to WAH. I loved cutter's description of spidery tingles, exactly how I felt yesterday when I received a TM thinking it was a nasty-gram from WAH. He still has an effect on me. But, I think the love might be gone. It's the history, the lack of closure, the betrayal that keeps me from a complete dropping of the rope. My pain is still there, but much, much less than it used to be. I'm feeling excitement about getting the pain over with and finally closing the door yet that is a scary feeling too.

[P17]

You are in depression now. Look at your symptoms.

Cutter, you're right. Depression, at least mild depression. The signs are obvious and I was looking at the same conclusion before I read your post. The indicators for me are loss of hope for the future and loss of motivation. Both of these are gone just now.

I really am well and truly p*ssed off with this though. I felt great and then something as simple as seeing W again and I go all gooey and depressed. WTF? When I saw her it didn't even register. But now DAYS afterwards I feel like this? Why? Just when I think I'm actually doing well I realise it's all an illusion.

What it does do is reinforce the idea that NC was working but then is it simply putting these feelings away ready for them to be dragged out again at a moments notice when I see / hear from her again? Should I not be confronting this ... I'm tired, very tired of this. Tired of feeling like this. Tired of being the only one who is upset about this. Tired of being the one who has to 'hold it together' while W get's her cake and eats it too. Tired of sitting on the sidelines while W get's to play ball. I'm just tired.

I would suggest that you set your alarm clock early starting tomorrow and get your butt out of bed and go for a good walk to get your body going. Time to fight your depression. Gal it and 180 it. Make sure you drink 7 to 10 glasses of water. Drink 1 glass as soon as you wake up. One while on the walk. One when you get back. Then drink water during the day.

No walk (D wasn't well this morning and she is staying with me) but I was up early. She had her swine flu jab yesterday and was a little sore last night so didn't sleep. I let her sleep in this morning.

Stop on the booze for awhile. I know you do not drink much. But just stop on it for a little while.

Now Xmas / New Year is over the booze has stopped again. As you said I don't drink much anyway so it's not a problem.

This is a great chance to show yourself how strong you are.

As W always said to me - you can't sleep away your problems. When I get down, I sleep. It just shows the complete lack of understanding she had of me and our M.

Anyway, I will get through this. I know it. I just need to grab it by the b*lls, shake it a little and stand back up. It'll take a few days. I'll get there.

[P17]

P... You still have to post your reply to that super long post from the other day.

I know Cutter. You know what, I'm actually scared to. I will reply today though.

And lets now chanage the topic to D's Mom.
I am going to offer a suggestion to you.
This is going to be tough on you.
<SNIP>
Then you need to back off.

And take the time to lean on yourself. D's mom has been there for you. You have leaned on her. But I think you are becoming attached. This is not the time. You are not ready. I would hate to see you lose all this hard work.

Spot on the ball as usual cutter.

I am going to back off from D's mum and I will explain to her why. I think we've both been leaning on each other. She has been on and off with her partner since August and they recently split again, this time for the last time.

I need to get on with this myself but also obviously need to make sure I detach properly without anybody getting hurt or feeling rejected.

It's just out of the frying pan and into the fire.

[Lost Rabbit]

Me too P17, Sleeping to get away from it all is my problem,hence my user name, my dad used to tease me that i'd hibernate like a little rabbit! Only way I find round it now it to do the same routine every day, stops me getting over tired and having a nap then the nap turns into a longer nap etc!

When my sitch hit the fan, doc gave me some Amitriptaline, its not an AD in very small qtys more of a Anti-Anxiety, it can help sleep patterns get back on track, might be worth asking! Im in the uk too, so should be able to get similar prescribed..

[P17]

But, I think the love might be gone.

Sometimes I feel that too. The love just isn't there anymore but I know deep down it is. What cutter said before - you lock a little bit of love away in your heart for them - it mean that one day maybe you can reconcile, maybe you can D but it also means that you don't get twisted with hate and bitterness. D's mum doesn't have a nice word to say about W and while I don't defend W, I do try and get her to stop. That's the love that's left.

I do however hate having that love. It would be so much easier without it.

It's the history, the lack of closure, the betrayal that keeps me from a complete dropping of the rope.

For me it WAS also the not knowing - W never really communicated with me throughout the M (I can see that now) so I never really knew what was good, bad or indifferent. She never said. The onyl time she talked about her feelings was when she wrote me a letter after the split. Unfortunately I now know that the majority of that letter is cr*p (it talks about only me and her in the R etc.) so I am still none the wiser on the why's and wherefor's. However I am have given up on that as I know I am unlikely to ever find out - as many people have said in here 'how are you supposed to understand when she doesn't even know herself'.

My pain is still there, but much, much less than it used to be. I'm feeling excitement about getting the pain over with and finally closing the door yet that is a scary feeling too.

Another nail hit on the head. I'm excited to see what the rest of my life has to offer but I really miss the old W.

[P17]

Me too P17, Sleeping to get away from it all is my problem,hence my user name, my dad used to tease me that i'd hibernate like a little rabbit! Only way I find round it now it to do the same routine every day, stops me getting over tired and having a nap then the nap turns into a longer nap etc!

When my sitch hit the fan, doc gave me some Amitriptaline, its not an AD in very small qtys more of a Anti-Anxiety, it can help sleep patterns get back on track, might be worth asking! Im in the uk too, so should be able to get similar prescribed..

Hey Lost Rabbit, thanks for adding to my thread.

I did see the Doctor right at the start of the S and after bursting into floods of tears he told me that the depression was situational and he would rather not give me tablets. I was glad of that as I really didn't want them (I had them before and they made 0 difference to me).

I actually went to see the Doc about getting referred to a counsellor. Which didn't pan out by my MC agreed to keep seeing me so it all worked out in the end.

Part of the problem for me is that I work from home so it is very very easy just to not get up.

I did get up this morning and I have some motivation today but not much.

[chatterbug]

IF you two want... I will take some of your sleep and give you my lack of sleep

[P17]

IF you two want... I will take some of your sleep and give you my lack of sleep

If I could do that, you'd have a deal.

I thought you were sleeping okay now?

I haven't forgotten about the other post I need to respond to. Gearing myself up for it.