Calling out the Piecers

[dday101798]

Almost always more positive than negative in these sitch's IMO.

Yeah, almost, however, it appears Gno hit the nail on the head and the name of the game is "I gave him some, now he's mine........" "Crap he's dropping everything for me, crap, crap, crap!!!!!"

I don't even know where to begin. Guess with events. IC went well, C was amazed at my complete overall PMA about everything with (x)W. C does think that MC for us is a good idea to clear up the remaining issues. C is going to focus our future sessions on my parents, childhood and the impact my cousin is having on suppressed memories.

So, as usual, I stopped off for a quick after therapy, therapy. (x)W was home early from work and asked me to take her to cash the check and to join. Well, went to pick her up and she was lolly-gagging around with her friends in the usual overcrowded party palace that would be 'our house', so no dice on the check. We stopped off and talked for a few minutes. Things were well until (x)W made a mention that OM had to go to the house they bought down state and the water was shut off and if the pipes and all would be ok. So that got the voices going. Then I let my cousin know I was running late from the IC, all completely true, and that did not boude well.

I rushed 'home' as fast as possible as we had to go get a new couch for her S whose moving in. The whole while I'm getting my head kicked in by her with little pock shot comments about me "leaving" and then point blank during the ride to the store "I feel like I'm going to get hung out to dry (something like that) and we're gonna have to talk". But the little comments just kept on flowing all night long.

Finally having enough, I go to bed, and call (x)W to say godd night as requested. And the fit hit the shan. I let (x)W know we were running behind schedule with the moving and with an impeading snow fall tonight, I have to regretfully cancel 'plans' with her and the boys for dinner tonight. This sent her on a complete tangent that I need to "stand my ground to my cousin" and that I'm not being considerate of her and the kids and it's not going to work, and she needs someone to help her out of HER mess.

That is where I drew the line. Never mind the sh!t she's done to me. Never mind the fact that she proclaimed to the entire world, SHE didn't need me anymore,MY KIDS didn't need me anymore, and that life will go on all hunky f'n dorry. She has completely forgotten all of that it seems. I politely and calmly tried to remind her of this, but she wasn't biting. Her underlying message was if I don't drop everything for her, someone else will.

And that's what pointed out to me this morning, I let my guard down and picked up that gosh darn rope I dropped. I wonder now if I'm a crutch for OM? A rebound? Her comments and hidden messages just hit home in a really bad way.

I'm not going to be the rope in match of tug-o-war between the person who tried to keep me a float and help my life go on and the person who destroyed my life. And sadly, the later of the 2, just doesn't see the full effect of what she has done. And yet, I'm the one who's supposed to clean up the mess she made?

She has done zero to say where she is at with OM. In fact I asked her last night what is going with that, and her only answer is "I don't know".

She is the one who claims she can not stand the party atmosphere of 'our house' and waht it did to our family. Yet, she is here every moment she gets a chance.

And now, she is the one to say that this won't work because I'm in-debted to those who helped me keep my sanity as she destroyed every aspect of my life.

[dday101798]

Damn it, stupid checker keeps just ommiting key words instead of fixing them.

"Crap he's NOT dropping everything for me, crap, crap, crap!!!!!"

[mishka422]

Good grief Dylan. I'm sorry, but she is one messed up individual. Protect yourself and your kids and let her deal with the mess she made of her life.....on her own. She is completely codependent you know. She needs IC. Have you suggested that to her?

[dday101798]

Have you suggested that to her?

Actually she has suggested it on her own.

[dday101798]

Heh, back to that erie quiet, haven't heard much from (x)W all day long. Guess that's par for the course, she needs to spend some time and think about what she's saying and doing. So do I.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Wow.

[WalkingMan]

Hang in there man!

I think many of us LBS change through all of this more than we realize. We are forced to sink or swim and we discover alot about ourselves and get a healthy perspective on what was and what we are now.

I think this is why ofen LBS's become WAS's in some way. The old relationship is dead and whether the new you's can do. only time will tell.

Just remember that it's the new you that you need to take care of.

[dday101798]

Just remember that it's the new you that you need to take care of.

The is so true. And in that spirit just beofre I read that I was on the phone with (x)W and once again addressed what the hell is going on with OM. All this tug-of warring between (x)W and my cousin just has my confidence level in the negative numbers right now and OM is front and center in my mind and a comment I had seen in another thread (from puppy I believe) that infidelity that is just swept under the rug has a rate of occuring again.

I've addressed OM and my concerns many many times, so I'm not allowing it to swept under the rug, but I'm just not getting the results from (x)W that I'd like. This morning she said they did speak last night, but only about the house downstate that they have mutual investment in and that's it. That I needn't worry, I'm the one she wants and needs, blah blah blah.

But it's like buying a tool set to build a house from scratch at a dollar store, you know they're unreliable and are guarenteed to break and in some cases, mess up the job.

I don't know. My cousin really degraded me hardcore last night, thinks I'm just going one day not come back and that it's not fair she likve in a nervous state in her own house.

(x)W on the other hand, apologized for her demeaner the night. She admitted to wanting to rush things too much and pressuring me and understands how that would piss my cousin off and understands what my cousin needs and what she needs has to be compromised for now.

I really think that just the three of us need to sit down for a little pow-wow and clear the air. It's like my cousin is acting like the parent who doesn't approve of who their kid is dating. The tension has to be releaved. I told both of them my feelings of being in a tug-of-war and that I'm already tired of walking on egg-shells in both directions. (x)W was understanding, my cousin, not so much.

The new thing now with (x)W other than my concerns over OM is weird. I guess she didn't truly believe I was seeing a IC or something? Ever since my appointment she's been acting strange, offering words of encouragement to keep my spirits up and not to 'be down' and that I'm the one she's "concerned about", not OM. It's just weird.

Gotta get a wrap on this OM thing, NOW. My stomache is on fire and that is feeling I certainly DO NOT miss.

[WalkingMan]

You're right...the whole OM thing does complicate things. I know that the common idea on here is that there must be a complete and total breal with the OM for the piecing process to work.

I'm in agreement with this. Does this mutual investment between the xw and om check out? I'd tell the xw that you want to see all the info on this investment. This is your business so you know what's best on how to approach the situation, but if I were you I would see if there's a way for the xw to get out of this investment. It's a reason for her to stay in contact with something that's roadblock to reconciliation. It's obvious it's bothering you.

[dday101798]

It's a reason for her to stay in contact with something that's roadblock to reconciliation. It's obvious it's bothering you.

Yes and it's getting worse and worse and I keep addressing it, so she knows I mean busness. I've been making it clear so she knows I'm starting to withdrawl my interest in us so long as he's around. I could have chose anyone in the world to be with right now, I had let her go, but chose us. It's up to her to prove it's a safe and healthy choice. And now that it's beginning to effect my physical health once again and I openly stated so, she'd best start taking some actions here.