NC - W vanished ...

[P17]

Small update.

Spoke to D's mum last night about W's friend. She said to me 'as she's a woman you know where her loyalties lie and everything you tell her will go straight back to W'.

Now I am still a trusting soul (yes I haven't lost that) and W's friend is a really nice girl. I keep thinking that she wouldn't be passing everything on that I tell her. However 'she is a woman and I know where her loyalties lie'. I can use this to me advantage.

On Xmas Eve she did ask me some questions and I actually thought I was being probed for info a little. I can't see her doing this, as she's so 'nice' but ... 'I know where her loyalties lie'.

I sent W's friend a text asking when her driving test is. No response. However she called me tonight and we had about an hour's conversation. Didn't mention W at all. Although W's friend did ask me if I was busy and when we got cut off she asked if I was there on my own as she didn't want to be talking away if I had a guest ... it just sounded a little ... I don't know. Let me put it this way, when she asked if I was here on my own I immediately though it was a strange question after asking me earlier if I was busy.

Reading too much into it again. However I tend to go with my gut now. It hasn't let me down yet. My gut says I'm being probed for info.

[newmama]

Although W's friend did ask me if I was busy and when we got cut off she asked if I was there on my own as she didn't want to be talking away if I had a guest

this completely jumped out to me but makes me think
1) is she possibly interested in you romantically?
2) she is gathering info for W. any chance rumors could be going around that you and D's mom are seeing each other?

[avermont]

Wow, thanks, P17.

I was feeling lonely with my long rant out there.

[/quote]BINGO. Same here. I can't imagine her kicking OM out at all. I can't imagine her approaching my door and talking to me. I can't even imagine her texting me to ask to meet. When I went NC, she saw that as me moving on and she won't come back now. This I do know.

THIS has been the driving fear for me. As you all know, ad nauseum, having been remote in the R, I can only believe that he is satisfied now that I never "really" loved him--after all, no crying, no chasing, no nothing from me? So why would he ever see if I was interested in reconciling?

Do you want somebody in your life who won't fight for you

?

It would be great to have him "feel the loss" and want to "fight" for me. But with the NC...how is he to know there is a battle he could engage should he choose?

But that is DBing? You are working on yourself. You can't control your WAH, only yourself. So you work on what you can - yourself.[quote]

Truly, I get that. I am not arguing with the pros, here. Nor am I leaving this site where you all have been so wonderful and supportive. But do you see what I am feeling about the futility and heartbreak about being on this site? If DB'ing is all about me, I could be on a "make yourself a better person" site without any reference to making R's or WAS.

The ipod was great today as I worked on this little sewing project for work. I am at the point of being done with talking about it. I told a couple of friends already to more or less "shut up." I am just tired of talking about my life and the sitch. I would rather talk about baseball (about which I know nothing). So I do feel that is a good point to reach. Less talking hopefully soon equals less thinking.

[avermont]

Ah, the alt.

I figured it was FB, but didn't know how to find people.

Sorta feel like The Matrix--who is going to offer me the red pill or the blue pill?

I want to talk to LFA, too--she and I have the most similar sitches that I have seen so far.

I'll go find a post of hers and see how she is doing.

[P17]

this completely jumped out to me but makes me think
1) is she possibly interested in you romantically?

I don't think so. I don't think she'd cross that line with W.

2) she is gathering info for W. any chance rumors could be going around that you and D's mom are seeing each other?

If there are no rumours about me and D's mum seeing each other ... I'd be very surprised. I have however made it crystal clear to W's friend that we are NOT getting back together. I've also said the same things to anybody else who asks. At the end of the day though, why would W actually give a sh*t who I was seeing!?!

What also confused me about the call is that W's friend lost her phone a while ago and subsequently ALL of her numbers on there (including old old friends). She didn't know what my mobile number was either so I gave her it on Xmas Eve.

However, last night she called me at home, I didn't answer, then she called my mobile, then she called me at home again when we got cut off ... which begs the question - if she lost ALL of her numbers ... where did she get my home number from? I never gave her it and if she lost all of her numbers she wouldn't have it under W's name either.

I know I'm reading more into this than there is, but things sometimes ring bells in your head. This one did that. I'm just observing and reporting (ala Mall Cop :))

[newmama]

So I'm confused...if you don't think W is checking up on you, then why are there bells ringing in your head? what purpose do you think W's friend has in trying to contact you?

[P17]

So I'm confused...if you don't think W is checking up on you, then why are there bells ringing in your head? what purpose do you think W's friend has in trying to contact you?

Me too!

Bells are ringing in my head as the questions I were being asked were a little more than casual conversation (call it a 6th sense) but at the same time I'm not convinced W's friend is the type of person to go tittle tattling or would be used by W to probe me for info ...

Purpose - not really sure. My spidey senses are tingling though

I'm mainly just reporting it NM - as I said, I am in two minds - something isn't quite right and I don't know what it is.

[chatterbug]

P GAL talk only to this woman. And do not tell her anything about your relationships with any women (wife included ). If she asks. Mystery and confidence.



And a day after you get your next haircut. And your looking like a million bucks. Go meet up for a coffee or tea.... And chat away about GAL and D.... Never ever once mention W.

Patience.

You gave it to me today. I return the favour. Keep on your parallel paths.

How are things going with D's Mom???

[P17]

P GAL talk only to this woman. And do not tell her anything about your relationships with any women (wife included ). If she asks. Mystery and confidence.

Oh, I haven't done Cutter. And don't intend to. I didn't GAL too much on the phone as we mainly talked about her. She asked how me and the family were doing but that was about it.

And a day after you get your next haircut. And your looking like a million bucks. Go meet up for a coffee or tea.... And chat away about GAL and D.... Never ever once mention W.

I never once mentioned her during our last conversation - I did once mention 'we' meaning me and W but that was once and nothing more. And I was talking about the benefits of working for myself and being able to structure the time around D which is something me and W had issues with as she wanted me to get a second income.

I was thinking of asking her to lunch one day in the future, around the end of the month. I have a very vague plan in my head about seeing her / contacting her once a month or so just to let her know how well I am doing and having her communicate that back to W.

Patience.

Today I have bucket loads. But as we all know, tomorrow is another day.

You gave it to me today. I return the favour. Keep on your parallel paths.

I'm going there. I will get there. Today I feel very very good. As I said though, tomorrow is another day.

The deadline for separation agreement is fast approaching though and I THINK W is not going to give me the agreement in order to force me to D her instead ... oh how she underestimates me. She has had the agreement since 3 October and all I have had is a letter from her solicitor saying she had engaged their services - that was just before Xmas. If I didn't know better I'd say she didn't want a D ... then again she underestimates me as I do know she is doing it for financial reasons ... just as well I'm not stupid isn't it!

How are things going with D's Mom???

They are good. Very good. We had a bit of a talk today and sorted a few things out. She opened up a little. It was good to here her talking to me.

I have cooled things down a little though. I don't want to back off too quickly as I don't want her to get the wrong idea - she has become as attached to me as I her.

A close friend today thought that me and D's mum were back together again ... and she lives on the same island that OM came from.

This is also the same friend that W suddenly started chatting to like crazy just before the split and asked if she could come over for a holiday - they now realise that was to see OM before he moved over to her here - but they said she couldn't come over because of the sitch. Surprisingly they haven't heard from her since - 5 months. Classic conflict avoidance behaviour. I am off over to see them at the end of this month and also off to see them at the start of March ...

One other thing that the close friend told me - she agreed with me that W and MIL are probably not talking. MIL was apparently not happy at all with what W had done with OM. That was news to me. And further pressure on the A.

If they truly are not talking this is a HUGE amount of pressure as I doubt her aunty speaks to her (who brought her up from age 13 and whose husband also had an A many years ago and they reconciled) much either as they are church going christians and now her mother ... hmmm ... these are biggies.

But W is W and she will stick two fingers up at them and do her own thing anyway. She never was one for being told what to do and the child in her likes to rebel.

Rant mode off

[chatterbug]

Never ever underestimate the Mother Daughter relationship. Especially when Daughter has disappointed Mother.

Its a very unique and powerful relationship P.

Daughter knows that Mother will carry these feelings to the end of her days.