There are still songs I hear on the radio that set me off, even tho things are going very well between my wife and me. Songs that were on the air during the summer of '07, when she had her affair. Very tough to listen to.
Enjoy San Fran!!
Puppy
Songs are huge triggers for me too! D13 listens to a lot of the same music as OW (well, they are not that far apart in age.... ) so I really struggle when D13 is listening to "her" music and there are just certain songs.... Sounds like they will be triggers for a long time to come...
Pearl... have a FABULOUS trip! Do some window "shoe" shopping for me, kay?
D13 listens to a lot of the same music as OW (well, they are not that far apart in age....
is right!
This particular trigger just so pisses me off because I feel like I'm the bad person for getting upset at ads for a charity while I know that OW is the bad person in this scenario (and BF, but I know for a fact that she's had A with other married men before so that moves her from bad choices to a bad person in my book). Grr. I guess the only thing to do is whip out the "water off a duck's back" mantra and keep on trucking.
Had a great first day of vacation. Did a lot of damage at my favorite boutique: two dresses, two tops, purse, wallet and pill case. I passed on these blue suede pumps but told them I may be back for them before the week is through.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I'm with ya ladies. I really don't care for country music. W pretty much detests it. Both of us are ok with the more rock type country, but true country...with no offense to those country music lovers out there....sucks.
But....OM loves country music and of course, during her A, she had a new found love for it. It took W a while, but she's now back to not being able to stand it. But everytime I hear CM or see an advertisement for the CMA or the like, I trigger.
And Pearl, OM in my case has had at least 5 A's that his exW knows about and with them living 100's of miles apart all the time, you know there's at least twice that many. So when someone tells me my W is equally at fault, I agree to a point, but OM is a player, obviously being married (himself or his victims) doesn't matter to him and my W truly thought he was in love with her and was going to marry her.....when the whole time he was only after one thing. In fact, one time when my W was screaming at me for exposing to OMW, I said to her "I don't know why you're angry, now that OMW knows, they can divorce and we can divorce and you two can live happily ever after. Oh yeah, that's right, he blew you off when she found out". Ouch. I bet that hurt her and I probably shouldn't have said it, but at the time, I didn't really care.
Water off a ducks back. Learn it, live it. It does get better. The more my wife shows me she "get's it" the less severe those triggers are.
P.S. Those shoes are HOT. I would love to see W in them...in bed
Last edited by Hope4us; 01/07/1002:48 PM.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Interesting... OW in my case also seems to be a female version of a "player". The pastor who told me the details of the PA also let me know he is aware of her "sexual involvement with at least one other person", my H has asked around since breaking it off with her to find out that other M men at their workplace had been hit on by OW, and even when my H was with her once she gave her phone number to another man right in front of him! But, he thought she was "in love" with him and going to marry him, etc etc etc. Scarey.... already at these tricks at 23.
Anyway, Pearl I appreciate your clarification about "bad choices" vs. "bad person". There is a difference, IMO. In our process of forgiving our spouses and piecing, it is helpful to recognize this. My H made some very bad choices and he is dealing with the consequences of that. OW, however, in my books, is a "bad person" and I don't believe I ever will forgive her either.
Glad to hear H4U that the triggers do get a bit better over time as our S "gets it". Hope that is true!
Pearl... those shoes are fabulous! I would definitely go back for them if I were you. Remember how we talked about wearing pumps to do housework... those are the ticket!
Ladies, Here is one thing that I said to W, which I whole heartedly believe, that I think had the greatest impact on her and my recovery also.
I was discussing a situation we had at work. One of our newer employees F'd up really bad. Screw up was reportable to a government agency. He came in my office and asked if he was going to be fired. I told him no and then said...
"Everyone makes mistakes, the true measure of a person is how they respond to those mistakes and how they learn from them. Will you ever make that mistake again?" And my guy said "NO". I said, "then we're ok".
So I came home from work that night and was telling W about it and after I'd told her what I said to my guy, she just looked at me like this light bulb had gone off in her head.
Our real challenge is to live that and not contridict that in any of our conversations with our S's so they know we truly believe it. Did they F up? YES. Are they showing they "get it"? If that answer is yes, then you'll be ok.
And if you can't and don't believe that, I'm not sure "piecing" will ever work.
Now if it happens again, it's not a mistake......
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Thanks guys, it really helps to hash this stuff out with you. I do hold BF responsible for his actions & have told him that next time I will leave so fast his head will spin.
Shoe update: bought the blue suede shoes!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Great shoes Pearl! I'm a 4 incher in training. Just now getting used to 3 inches
Interesting article in the Feb. Harper's Bazaar called "The Sexification of Fashion". Estee Lauder executive John Dempsey says "When the going gets tough, the tough get sexy". He's referring to the tough economic times but certainly this could be about women bouncing back after a man problem!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
) so I really struggle when D13 is listening to "her" music and there are just certain songs.... Sounds like they will be triggers for a long time to come...
