So here is my question. What do you do with a WAW who still lives in the same home that has an internet EA. I do not even discuss it with her right now because I know her choice at the moment would be the EA. But I also do not like her on my computer video and web chatting with him all the time. How do you set boundaries for this and is now even the time. Before when she brought him up it would be to tell me what he though. Now when she does she is letting me know what he does that she wishes I had or would do? I know he is pressuring her to see him even though he lives three states away.I am doing good with no bringing it up for now. My hardest thing is we do better when she has had minimal contact with him. She starts to come around and say and do things that shows even though she says she is done she really isn't. Is now even the time to set this boundary? She seems to think that she has to consider his feelings of hurt if she ever does break it off.
She seems to think that she has to consider his feelings of hurt if she ever does break it off.
. Your wife doesn't respect you. Turn off the internet access at your home, cancel her cell phone.
Give here the "I have decided ....." speech. You will live like this as long as you let her behave this way. You control how you handle things.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Ok...She will most likely leave and saying I am trying to control her but I get what you are saying...This one will be hard. Of course her parents do not want her home either. Only problem is I have to have internet access for my 2nd job.
Then change the password so she can't get on the computer. Stop telling everybody the problems and focus on solutions - what can you do to have the life you want? Then do it.
Boundaries are not controlling - her behavior is unacceptable. It's her choice how she behaves but if she crosses the boundary then these are the consequences. The first step in not being a doormat is get up off the floor.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Gotcha...will do then...Soon as I get home...I also planned tell her that when I am at work she is not to have another man in the house while I am gone I work 6 on and 6 off so there is ample opportunity and they have been discussing him visiting. I just told her it is basic human respect not to have another man in a house and bed I pay for, that it will be extremely confusing for the child no matter how much she thinks the child will not notice and that it would not be tolerated. What do you think the best way to put this would be...If she does this she will have to go stay with her parents and when her dad asks why he won't be too happy.I can't lie to him about why though he has really helped us out in the past and he has already expressed to my wife that she needs to work this out because he has seen genuine change.
So here is my question. What do you do with a WAW who still lives in the same home that has an internet EA. I do not even discuss it with her right now because I know her choice at the moment would be the EA. But I also do not like her on my computer video and web chatting with him all the time. How do you set boundaries for this and is now even the time. Before when she brought him up it would be to tell me what he though. Now when she does she is letting me know what he does that she wishes I had or would do? I know he is pressuring her to see him even though he lives three states away.I am doing good with no bringing it up for now. My hardest thing is we do better when she has had minimal contact with him. She starts to come around and say and do things that shows even though she says she is done she really isn't. Is now even the time to set this boundary? She seems to think that she has to consider his feelings of hurt if she ever does break it off.
I know what I would do. Turn the internet off
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Yeah I am going to. She will most likely scream and yell about it and say she is going back to her parents...she will say I am trying to be controlling and she wants love from him not me cause I had my chance...Do not think her parents will let her come back under those circumstances unless it is under the pretext of she needs a pc to find a job...Just trying to figure out the best way to do this and the best way to handle this when she starts screaming saying it is over...fact is I helped open the door for this other guy...
You tell her exactly why you did it. You will not enable the affair. Take a strong stance here. This conversation should be continued on your thread...
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I talked to S10 and he would really like to go on this trip. I will let him go this last time but tell your dad to stop signing him up for things during my time. Also, don't ever threaten me with the kids again by telling me that you're going to "limit my time"!
(I am aware that W signed up S10 for basketball, so this is the leadin to the next boundary)
My Response:
Quote:
Hi W,
Thanks for doing this for S10. It means a lot to him.
I completely understand your frustration when the kids get signed up for things during your parenting time without your consent. It makes me sad when the kids get put in the middle of our issues. I worry about how it will affect them long term. I know for certain that other important events will occur during the other parents time in the future. If we want to keep the kids out of our issues, we will get the other parents consent before giving the children any decisions. As long as your parents and mine understand this, and as long as we are both flexible when exceptions occur, I don't see too many future issues.
So I just received an Email that W has signed S10 up for basketball with out my consent here is my draft response. All input welcomed:
Quote:
Hi W,
I thought we just had a discussion about signing our kids up for events during the other parents time.
I am concerned about S10'S performance in school. S10 and I have discussed the posibility of loosing his privalage to play sports if his performance in school does not improve. When you sign our kids up for events during my parenting time without discussing it with me, I feel just as frustrated as you do if someone signs them up for events during your time. I am sad that you feel it is OK to do this. Before I sign the kids up for anything that requires your involvement, I run it past you. I expect the same repect from you. I have decided this will be the last time I will support your unilateral decisions. In the future, I want you to run everything past me that affects my parenting time.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
